


Let It Linger

by realmSpinner



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Childhood Friends, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2018-11-23 17:30:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 48,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11407158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/realmSpinner/pseuds/realmSpinner
Summary: Kei has loved Tetsurou for years.Tetsurou has loved Keiji for years.Keiji is marrying Koutarou.





	1. Stuck With You

**Author's Note:**

> This work is set in America, therefore I am referring to them by first names.
> 
> I took the liberty of making Hitoka Kei's sister for this fic.
> 
> 'Crestle' is not a real town in Pennsylvania.

**Chapter 1**

“Keiji is getting _married_?! Oh, honey, that's so exciting!” Reina Tsukishima gushed. Her excitement was palatable, even over the phone. Kei found himself smiling, easily influenced by his mother's cheer, as he stared down at the wedding invitation in his hand. In silver, cursive script were the words 'You're invited...' followed by all the specifics listed inside the card. Just seeing his hometown's name, Crestle, written in the location was enough to make Kei nostalgic. He hadn't been home in over four years. “Whoever the lucky man is better hold on tight to that gorgeous sweetheart!”

Keiji Akaashi was Kei's childhood friend, and adopted brother, if his mother had anything to say about it. When Kei was four-years-old, the five-year-old from a house down kicked a ball that went rolling all the way to the corner of Kei's yard, and Kei couldn't even remember the details of that day, but it was instant friendship. 

And now, that same five-year-old boy with a missing tooth and one hell of a strong kick was twenty-seven years old and getting married.

Kei wondered where the time had went. Then he promptly scoffed at himself for thinking like a grandpa.

“The wedding is on November ninth, but I wanted to spend some time with everyone beforehand. Do you mind if I come home on November third? I'd be staying until the tenth,” Kei explained. 

After completing college at a university an hour away from his hometown, Kei had accepted a job offer in another state. Virginia had been his residence for the past four years, and while he was content with his one-bedroom apartment, computer programming job, and the people he'd let into his social circle (which was not very big), he could never call it 'home'. 

Home was Pennsylvania.

But home was complicated.

“Oh, gosh, Kei... if only you had called yesterday,” his mother's voice sounded regretful as it filtered through the speaker. Kei raised a brow in surprise. He had fully expected to hold the phone away from his ear as his mother screamed happily about her baby coming home. She was the over-zealous type. It often caused confusion for acquaintances, given Kei was the near polar opposite of his mother, at least at first glance. “Your father and I packed our bags and flew to Hawaii for a much needed vacation! We won't be back until the eleventh!”

“... Hawaii?” Kei echoed in disbelief. He had absolutely no knowledge that his parents had even been thinking of a vacation, much less one that far away and across water. “Is dad okay?”

Reina's laugh was far too amused.

“You should have seen him on the plane. He held onto my leg so hard his knuckles were white,” Reina giggled. Kei sighed and said a quick prayer for his father in his head. 

“Go easy on him, mom,” Kei answered. He then dropped his gaze back to the wedding invitation and bit his lip. Of course there was no way he would miss Keiji's wedding, but if he couldn't stay at his parent's house... 

“Seriously, though, if you'd only called a little sooner!” Reina continued. “We would have left a key under the welcome mat, or something. I'm sorry, Kei!”

“It's alright. I'm sure I can get a hotel room,” Kei assured. He mentally attempted to calculate the expenses and filter through his bank account.

“That would be so expensive!” Reina exclaimed. “Couldn't you stay with someone? You grew up here and you had tons of friends! Surely someone would be able to accommodate you for a week?”

'Tons of friends' was a definite stretch. Kei knew a lot of people, sure, but very few who he would consider as friends. They were mainly just people he talked to because it was a small town and everyone knew everyone, or people who asked him for help on their homework, or people he associated with because they were friends with Keiji. 

Keiji had always been the popular one. Puberty had worked miracles on the boy, giving him smooth skin and almond-shaped eyes and grace in his movements. He had the school's population wrapped around his finger since junior high. Kei had resented the change, for a while. Here was the boy he'd been playing with all his childhood, suddenly becoming a superstar overnight, while Kei fought a ridiculously gangly body growing too fast, boughts of acne that looked so much worse atop his pale skin, and terrible eyesight that required glasses. 

Despite everything, Keiji never stopped talking to him. Keiji always referred to him as one of his best friends and grew angry if anyone made a snide remark at him. No matter how hard jealousy reared his head, Kei couldn't find it in his heart to reject Keiji, because Keiji was a flat-out nice person.

It made sense, how someone could love him.

“I'll see what I can do,” Kei answered. There was no way he was going to ask someone to let him stay for a week. He had two siblings, Akiteru and Hitoka, but Akiteru was sharing an apartment with two other guys, which would be extremely cramped, and Hitoka lived in a college dorm an hour out of their hometown. The thought of asking anyone but family... how uncomfortable. However, there was no reason to let his mom know that.

\---

Kei was truly ready to scrape up the cash needed to crash at a nearby hotel. He may not be able to stay as long as he was hoping, but he'd make do. 

“You are not spending that much just to come to the wedding,” Keiji said, his tone and expression leaving no room for argument. Encased in his computer screen, Keiji didn't look at all different from when Kei had left Crestle all those four years ago. Those green eyes were still sharp, piercing through Kei even though they were several miles apart.

Kei tried to resist anyway.

“It's not that bad,” Kei insisted. He crossed his arms and leaned his elbows on the desk in front of him. “Are you suggesting I miss your wedding? Because I may be an asshole at times, but that's out of the question.”

Kei was happy to see the corner of Keiji's lips quirk upward.

“You're free to stay with us,” Keiji offered. Somewhere in the background, Kei heard a whoop of agreement, along with the hustle and bustle of cabinet doors and clinking silverware. Apparently Keiji and his fiance, Koutarou Bokuto, thought ice cream was a good idea at ten o'clock at night in the middle of October. It was a prime example that the two had their own thing going, their own world, and Kei was not going to intrude on that.

“And watch you two making out all the time? No thanks,” Kei said, scrunching up his nose. Keiji rolled his eyes and then reached somewhere beyond the computer camera, bringing a cell phone into the picture. Kei wasn't at all offended to watch Keiji typing something into his phone. They were known to do this once in a while.. video chat for a couple hours, sometimes talking and sometimes not, just enjoying the company. It had admittedly been happening less and less, ever since Keiji had met Koutarou, but it was still welcome. 

“Here you go! I crushed up some oreos, too!”

Kei could hear Koutarou before he could see him, placing a bowl of ice cream in front of Keiji. 

“Double-stuffed?” Keiji asked, eyes still trained on his cell phone.

“Of course,” Koutarou answered, taking a seat next to Keiji. He was only half-way in the camera, but he leaned over against Keiji's side to give Kei a wide grin and a wave. “Can't wait to actually meet you! You should totally tell your parents to get us a souvenir from Hawaii; that'd be so cool!”

“Koutarou,” Keiji reprimanded, giving him a flat look.

“What?! It's not that far-fetched... it can be a wedding gift! I've never been to Hawaii. I want something from there,” Koutarou pouted. 

Kei had limited knowledge about Koutarou. He'd seen him a few times on video chat, heard him a few times in the background of phone calls, and cataloged any information Keiji had offered about him. Frankly, Koutarou often reminded Kei of a overgrown child. Which was probably rude, considering, but there was no denying Keiji was extremely fond of him. Obviously, they were getting married, but looking at the computer screen right now and seeing how Keiji tried to be exasperated but only succeeding in staring at Koutarou with a love-struck expression... that said more than anything else ever could. 

It sent a sharp pain under his rib cage.

“It wouldn't be a big deal for me to ask,” Kei assured. Koutarou looked extremely pleased and shoved a large heap of ice cream into his mouth. The phone that Keiji still cradled in his hand dinged, catching Keiji's attention once again. A smile slid across Keiji's face.

“Tetsurou says you can stay with him!” Keiji announced, holding the phone up and wagging it in the air. Kei felt like a black hole had suddenly formed in his stomach. Still, for Keiji, he went through great pains to keep his expression neutral.

Kei was seven-years-old when Tetsurou Kuroo and his family moved into the house that separated Keiji's from his own. Tetsurou was rowdy, carefree, and curious. Too curious. The damn boy got Keiji and Kei in trouble so many times that the two were forced to try and hold him back, even though they were younger. 

A lot of good it did.

Even as a teenager, Tetsurou was the center of attention. He was the first of them to get detention, the first to get arrested (not to mention only), the first to have sex, the first to get a job and get fired... Tetsurou was a whirlwind.

Kei was hopelessly drawn to him.

It was admiration, at first. Tetsurou was charismatic, even as a kid. He could talk to any kid in school and immediately gain their trust. Kei used to think he used magic, or some other unworldly phenomenon. But even with that charm, Tetsurou was no stranger to stern looks from adults in the neighborhood, wanting peace and quiet in their lives. Tetsurou was everything but peace and quiet. Still, he was brave and passionate, and such a great friend to both Keiji and Kei. 

Going through the onslaught of hormones during his preteen years made Kei realize what he was feeling was a little greater than admiration. His sticky sheets proved it.

But there was a realization that was even more important.

Kei was an awkward nerd. Keiji was idolized. It really wasn't a surprise to see Tetsurou's gaze linger a little too long as Keiji walked away.

It wasn't a surprise, but it hurt.

From that point on, Kei had prepared himself for the inevitable separation from his two childhood friends. They were on a level that he would never reach, and he was a third-wheel.

It never happened.

Somehow, someway, the three had stayed together. All different ages, all different personalities, but certainly bonded in a way Kei couldn't describe. Kei kept his darker thoughts, the thoughts of being inferior, the thoughts of envy toward Keiji, the thoughts of lust toward Tetsurou, to himself. He didn't want to worry or upset either of them, because, no matter what, they were the two most important people in his life.

He also prepared himself for the day Keiji would realize Tetsurou's affections and return them.

It never happened.

That was apparent by the ring on Keiji's finger, and his fiance sitting next to him, still shoveling ice cream into his mouth. Kei hoped his lack of response hadn't been too suspicious. He swallowed and opened his mouth.

“I can't believe you asked him without telling me,” Kei said with a frown.

“He lives alone and he's one of your best friends,” Keiji continued. He took a moment to take a small bite of ice cream before turning pleading eyes at the camera. “Please, Kei. I'd feel really badly if you had to spend all that cash just to come up here for me.”

And really, who was Kei to make Keiji feel shitty?

“... fine,” Kei agreed, even with the sickening feeling in his gut growing larger.

\---

Kei pulled up to the address Tetsurou had texted him. Though the peeled paint and large glass windows of the building were familiar, the name on the front door, Nekoma, was not. Growing up, this building had been a coffee shop run by a widowed little old lady named Chie who Kei would often see feeding the ducks at a nearby park on his way to school. He remembered his mother's subdued voice over the phone as she informed him of her passing. Chie was practically the neighborhood's granny. Though Kei never grew close with her, he did specifically remember a time where she'd offered Popsicles to battle the heat to Tetsurou, Keiji, and himself. Having no children of her own, the little coffee shop became an abandoned building, and was soon bought out by Tetsurou and turned into a bar.

In Kei's opinion, owning a bar fit Tetsurou perfectly.

Nerves made Kei's skin tingle as he stepped out of his car and into the chilly November air. A gentle breeze stirred up dead leaves on the ground, and Kei tucked his hands into the pockets of his pea coat. Though the windows of the building were large, they were tinted, and with the glare of the late afternoon sun, he couldn't see inside. 

Tetsurou had told him that he wouldn't get off work until ten in the evening and that if he didn't want to come strolling into town so late, to stop by the bar first. Kei had taken him up on the offer, not one to enjoy driving at night. But now, stepping up onto the curb, he was having second thoughts. Coming in that late at night would have given him a good excuse, to say he was too tired from the late hour and the long drive, and he could hide away.

Kei guessed that, in itself, was a stupid thought. He was staying with Tetsurou. In his apartment. For seven days. There was very little hiding he was going to be able to do.

 _Why_ had he agreed to this, again?

Despite his reservations, Kei willed his feet to keep walking toward the front door. Even though he couldn't see into the building didn't mean whoever was inside couldn't see him, and it would be terribly embarrassing to be watched while he hesitated out on the concrete.

A bell chimed as he opened the door. He was able to revel in the comforting change in temperature the establishment offered for a brief moment, before a voice caught his attention.

“There he is!”

Kei was drawn to the familiar tone. Tetsurou stood behind the bar, leaning on his elbows and looking over at Kei with a big grin. It wasn't like he'd forgotten that face, or any aspect of it, because how could he? But seeing him, right there, in front of Kei again, made his chest tighten.

He was always pathetically weak to that smile.

“Ah, that's him!” 

Almost as if snapped out of a trance, Kei took in the whole scene. Keiji was sitting on a stool in front of the bar, with his fiance sitting next to him. It was his fiance who had spoken, now observing Kei with round, golden eyes.

“He's taller than I thought he'd be!” Koutarou confessed. Kei wasn't quite sure what to say to that. Thankfully Keiji saved him by slipping off the bar-stool and striding over. Every movement screamed that Keiji was going to hug him, and in the past, Kei would be known to sidestep any display of affection, and knew Keiji wouldn't hate him if he did so, but it really had been a long time...

“Welcome back. I'm glad you could come,” Keiji said as his arms wrapped loosely around Kei's body. Kei gave a short hug in return.

“Happy to be back,” Kei replied. Despite everything, he found that he meant it. 

This was home.

What he didn't expect was for Koutarou to be right behind Keiji when he stepped away, and definitely not for Koutarou to hug him too. Tightly. Kei felt the air rush out of him. Those arm muscles of his were no joke.

“It's so great to actually see you face to face, dude!” Koutarou exclaimed. It was all too loud in his ear and he winced. Tetsurou's laughter filled the space.

“Um.. you too,” Kei managed, taking a deep breath of sweet air when Koutarou backed off. Even Keiji was hiding a smile behind his fist, and Kei adjusted his glasses just to busy himself.

“I think Ko's a little too affectionate for our salt shaker over here,” Tetsurou commented. 

“Salt shaker?” Koutarou asked, clearly confused. Kei groaned.

“Let's just sit down. Nice to see you, too, Tetsurou,” Kei drawled. The ridiculous man actually shot him finger guns, which was completely immature and should not be considered endearing. At all. 

They talked. Kei was wary of Koutarou at first, not used to him and his big personality, but as time went on, it became easier to predict his reactions and play into his jokes. The alcohol that Tetsurou had given them probably helped, too. He wondered if Tetsurou should really be handing out free alcohol to his friends in a bar located in a town that likely only received business from locals, but then he remembered Tetsurou was the owner, and figured he'd leave Tetsurou to dig his own grave. 

It wasn't always just them. Patrons came in sporadically. More, as the evening went on. A few were familiar faces, ones from around his neighborhood and high school, who said a quick hello. A few more were not recognizable. Regardless, Tetsurou juggled his conversations and duties as a bartender like a pro, all with a smile on his face. It was expected, but still admirable to watch. 

Maybe Kei was a little biased.

At some point, when the soft orange beams of a sunset proved just a bit too dim and the fluorescent yellow lights on the ceiling flickered to life, Koutarou had glanced at his phone and said he had to leave. Something about babysitting his younger siblings, and Kei briefly wondered how big of an age gap there was between them. Keiji had filled in that Koutarou had six siblings, one older and five younger, and it made Kei's head spin just thinking about growing up in that kind of surely fast-paced and crazy environment. 

Koutarou had left with a kiss to Keiji's cheek and a promise to see him soon. Kei's gaze had guiltily slid to Tetsurou during the moment, his lips resting on the rim of his almost-empty glass. Tetsurou was occupied by a stranger. Kei wasn't sure what he'd expected, but then Koutarou was out of the door with the chiming bell, and Tetsurou was refilling Kei's glass.

With only the three of them, Kei could almost pretend like it was nine or ten years ago, when they were still stupid teenagers hanging out at Pop's Diner. When Kei would beg his older brother for some extra cash to go to a movie and Keiji would choose the most ridiculous title in the theater and Tetsurou would nearly get them kicked out by yelling obnoxious things at the screen. When they would compete for the highest grades among them, while simultaneously offering to help each other with homework, even though they were all in different years. When Tetsurou had invited them to stay the night and they suffered through Mrs. Kuroo's homemade meatloaf with epic poker faces before racing upstairs and starting a video game tournament that somehow ended with Keiji sitting on Kei's glasses and a trip to the store the next day with Keiji apologizing a million times at the very least.

Kei really didn't expect to get as sentimental as he was, but he had missed this. Therefore, he was surprised when Tetsurou said it was almost ten.

“I'm going to run in the restroom before I leave,” Keiji said, slipping off of his stool. Kei watched him walk away for a moment before turning to Tetsurou.

“Does someone come in after you?” Kei asked. Ten seemed a little early to close a bar, yet all other patrons had cleared.

“Nah,” Tetsurou replied, throwing a rag over his shoulder and making his way around the bar. “On weekends, we stay open until midnight, but I'd probably lose profit in this place if I did that Monday through Thursday.”

Again, Kei had to remind himself that this was his small hometown. Bar owners where he lived in Virginia would probably laugh at the thought of closing up at ten. Kei watched as Tetsurou flipped the sign on the door to 'closed'. 

“How are your parents?” Kei asked, realizing that they'd talked a lot about each others' lives, but little about their families. Tetsurou made his way over to the stool beside Kei's, leaning on it.

“They're still kicking,” Tetsurou replied with a shrug. “But clearly not as well as your parents, you know, with Hawaii and all.”

“I'm still surprised,” Kei sighed. He drained his glass and set it back on the bar with a clink. “Thanks for the free booze.”

“Morisuke is going to murder me for that, but you're welcome,” Tetsurou grinned. At Kei's raised eyebrow, he continued. “Ah, Morisuke is someone I hired as a part-timer here. You would think he was the one who owned the place, with the way he keeps track of the schedules and the finances and shit. Actually, he went to high school with us, but he was in my year. Don't know if you remember him or not. Morisuke Yaku, short, anal, has a temper.”

“He sounds delightful,” Kei snorted. “But, for some reason, I feel like you might be the instigator.”

Tetsurou made a show of gasping and placing a hand over his heart.

“My dear Kei, I have matured!” Tetsurou exclaimed. Kei's heart did a stupid jumpy thing at the nickname. Tetsurou leaned to the side, closer to Kei, and Kei was very aware of the space between them, but resolutely looked Tetsurou in the eye. “... but you're one-hundred percent correct. Damn. With you gone, I didn't have anyone to call me out on my shit anymore.”

Kei was going to take that as an acknowledgment of his absence in Tetsurou's life, and the closest thing he'd probably get to an 'I missed you'.

“He may not be as quick as me, but Keiji's pretty good at putting you in your place, too,” Kei replied, enjoying the way Tetsurou's eyes glinted playfully under the lights. 

“When I can,” Keiji spoke. Kei looked up to see Keiji returning from the restroom. Tetsurou was suddenly moving, grabbing the jacket Keiji had placed on his stool in his absence and unfolding it.

“Bundle up! It's going to be a cold one!” Tetsurou said, holding the jacket up expectantly. Keiji rolled his eyes but accepted the gesture, allowing Tetsurou to help him as he slipped his arms through the sleeves.

It struck Kei as a very gentlemanly thing to do.

It struck Kei in an entirely different way to see the soft expression on Tetsurou's face as he stood behind Keiji, patting his shoulders when the jacket was on.

It stung. 

It actually stung just as much as it did years ago, and that was the real slap in Kei's face.

He averted his eyes.

“You know the nights are going to get below freezing in two days,” Keiji remarked.

“A blessing to me, a curse to you,” Tetsurou chuckled.

“Kei,” Keiji addressed, and Kei snapped his gaze to him. “Do you want to use tomorrow to rest, or would you want to go do something?”

“Uh, I guess that depends on what the something is,” Kei replied.

“Crocodile wrestling,” Tetsurou suggested, getting an elbow in the side from Keiji.

“We could go into town tomorrow, just you and me. Tetsurou is working, so you'd just be hanging around his house,” Keiji explained. 

“Or he could come to the bar again,” Tetsurou suggested.

“Oh? Do I get more free alcohol?” Kei asked with a smirk.

“Don't get greedy, now,” Tetsurou retorted. Kei chuckled.

“I'd like to go to town with you,” Kei said, turning his attention back to Keiji. After all, he'd made sure to secure seven days in order to hang out with family and friends. He didn't want to spend all of his time laid up in Tetsurou's apartment.

“Great. I'll text you tomorrow with the details. Make sure this thing,” Keiji said, jerking his head Tetsurou's way. “.. feeds you and doesn't get you arrested.”

“Your lack of faith in me is hurtful,” Tetsurou groaned.

“And warranted,” Kei jabbed. Tetsurou threw himself against the counter-top, hiding his face in mock despair, while Keiji and Kei shared an amused look.

“Get out of my bar, you dick,” Tetsurou muttered, halfheartedly lifting his leg and kicking in Keiji's direction. Keiji laughed and started for the door.

“Night!” Keiji called.

“Night,” Kei and Tetsurou echoed. With the sound of the bell, Tetsurou straightened himself, grin back in place.

“Kay, so, I have to do a few things like sweep the floor, and then I'll drive you to my apartment,” Tetsurou explained, looping back behind the bar.

“You'll drive me?” Kei echoed, confused.

“Well yeah. You've been drinking alcohol all evening. I'm not letting you drive,” Tetsurou said, grabbing hold of the broom leaning against a wall behind the bar. 

“But what about my car?”

“It can stay parked out there. No big deal. Not like the street around the bar is going to be used this late at night, anyway. We can come down here and get it tomorrow before you leave with Keiji.”

“... alright,” Kei agreed. He watched as Tetsurou went about sweeping up the floor, pulling the dirt into neat piles as he worked around the furniture of the bar. Near where Tetsurou had grabbed the broom was a coat hanger, with a long black coat that Kei assumed was Tetsurou's on it. He thought back to the soft expression on Tetsurou's face as he helped Keiji into his jacket. He thought about the lingering stares Tetsurou had given Keiji so many times throughout their memories of growing up together.

He thought, and he wondered, and he worried.

“... can you believe Keiji is getting married?” Kei spoke softly. The gentle sounds of sweeping continued.

“... it's kind of crazy, yeah,” Tetsurou agreed with a nod. “You being here, too. You could have at least visited after you left for Virginia.”

Kei traced his fingers along the smooth edge of the bar.

“How do you feel about Keiji getting married?” Kei ventured. The sweeping stopped, and Tetsurou looked up with raised eyebrows.

“How do I feel?” Tetsurou echoed, looking a little vexed by the question. “You mean, like, how do I feel about Koutarou? He's a great guy. I actually met him before Keiji did; we shot some pool together at Keishin's place. He's really good at it. And, I mean, I'm happy for Keiji. He's really happy.”

Kei's chest just felt heavier with the words. A question formed itself at the back of his throat, lodging there uncomfortably.

He didn't have the nerve to ask it.

“... Koutarou is very... enthusiastic,” Kei managed. He was happy when Tetsurou busted out laughing. The sound washed over Kei and took the tension along with it.

“Oh man, that was a beautiful face,” Tetsurou laughed, rubbing the corner of his eye. “Yeah, he can be a bit much, but you'll get used to it. Obviously I trust Keiji's judgment.”

Kei offered a hum of agreement.

“Can I help with anything?” Kei asked, suddenly realizing how rude it was of him to be sitting there watching Tetsurou work.

“Well, you can wash your glass, if you want, but you're my guest. This is a vacation for you. You're not supposed to do work,” Tetsurou said, back to sweeping. Kei noticed that his glass still sat on the counter-top, ice now melted.

“You being nice is creepy.”

“Okay, now I know you're just talking shit. I am always this kind.”

And beyond all the bickering and capering and bravado, Kei knew he really was.

It only made the situation harder.


	2. Conflicted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Using first names... Kei, Keiji, Keishin... sob why are they all so close

**Chapter 2**

There was a noise, loud and annoying and to his right. Kei furrowed his brows and squinted his eyes open. Things were a little blurry, but he could make out the white stucco ceiling and high double bed to his left. The fact he was in Tetsurou's apartment, back in Crestle, for Keiji's wedding, sunk in, and he let out a breath, reaching up to rub the sleep from his eyes. 

That terrible noise suddenly silenced. 

Kei glanced over at his phone lying on floor, nestled in a very limited space between his mattress and the wall. When Tetsurou and he had finally gotten to the apartment, Kei had been faced with the understanding that Tetsurou owned a one-bedroom apartment. He remembered the panic he'd experienced, the fluster of the thought of sharing a bed, but Tetsurou had pulled an extra mattress from his closet and laid it down next to his double bed. He warned him to be careful because there wasn't much walking room with it on the floor, and that was that. At least, until Tetsurou had started to tug his shirt off, because apparently he slept shirtless, and Kei buried himself in his sheets, willing sleep to take him as quickly as possible.

Kei felt his neck warm at the memory alone. 

He was going to die during his week here, he was sure of it.

The phone was snatched up in the next second, Kei eagerly wanting something to distract him from any thoughts revolving around Tetsurou. He realized he couldn't read anything, and he grumbled to himself as he reached for his glasses.

He'd missed a call from his brother, Akiteru. Opting to wait until he had some time to wake up, Kei left his phone on the floor. He gathered an outfit for the day and made his way into the restroom. He'd barely had any time to slip the t-shirt off his back when a sudden pounding on the door made him jump.

“Morning! I'm about to cook some breakfast. Fried eggs, bacon, and toast. How many eggs do you want?” Tetsurou asked from the other side of the door. 

“... I don't normally eat breakfast,” Kei muttered, still surprised by the sudden appearance.

“What?” Tetsurou called. Kei cleared his throat and let the shirt fall to the floor.

“One, please,” Kei said a little louder.

“Got'cha!” Tetsurou said. His shadow, seen under the crack of the door, disappeared soon after. Kei sighed to himself and quickly went about his business. Eating right after he woke up wasn't something he did, but he didn't want to turn down Tetsurou's generosity. He also couldn't deny being curious. He'd never had Tetsurou's cooking before, and if it was anything like his mother's, Kei wasn't going to be nice enough to fake a smile. He gave himself a once-over in the mirror while he grinned, and snatched up his used clothes before leaving the restroom.

Tetsurou's bedroom door had been left open, and Kei could hear vague clacks, sizzles, and other various sounds coming from the kitchen. He straightened out his mattress, even though Tetsurou had left his bed a mess of twisted sheets and diagonal pillows, and then called Akiteru.

“Mom told me you were in Crestle,” Akiteru said as soon as he picked up. They'd made it a habit to forego the whole greeting stage for years.

“I am. I'm going to town with Keiji today,” Kei replied.

“Really? Where are you two going? I can meet you in town somewhere for a late lunch,” Akiteru replied. Kei had a quick mental struggle with himself, eyeing the beds. Sitting on Tetsurou's bed was much more practical, since his own mattress was lying on the ground, but something put him on edge about being in Tetsurou's bed. 

Ugh.

Kei flopped down onto his own mattress.

“I don't even know yet. Keiji's supposed to text me this morning with the details,” Kei said. He scooted across the mattress until he could reach his suitcase, grabbing a pair of socks. “Are you going to Keiji's wedding?”

“Of course I am,” Akiteru assured as Kei slipped socks on his feet. “Actually, I'm pretty much accepting any excuse to get out of the apartment right now. One of my roommates is having a rough time and thinks drinking all day is going to solve it.”

“And I almost asked to stay with you,” Kei drawled.

“I wouldn't have let you,” Akiteru said. “Where are you staying, anyway?”

“Tetsurou's,” Kei answered.

“What?!” Tetsurou exclaimed from the kitchen.

“I'm on the phone!” Kei yelled back.

“Stop talking about me!” Tetsurou shouted. Kei smirked.

“But there are so many terrible things to say!” Kei said.

“I'm burning your bacon!” Tetsurou replied. Kei snorted a laugh.

“Really, Kei? Of all the people to stay with, you choose Tetsurou?” Akiteru asked. Kei's grin faded.

“I don't want to hear it,” Kei sighed. Despite Tetsurou's charismatic demeanor, Akiteru was someone that he could never sway. Kei understood it, to a certain extent. To Akiteru, Tetsurou was that boy who moved next door and got Kei into trouble. A 'bad influence'. And maybe a few things Tetsurou pulled as a teenager weren't the most upstanding of acts, but they'd never led to anything terrible and had become fond memories. He didn't dare defend Tetsurou too much to Akiteru, though, because, due to very unfortunate and embarrassing circumstances, Akiteru was the only one who knew of Kei's feelings for the raven. That was not territory he wanted to venture into. “He was the obvious choice, living alone. Anyway, let me give you another call when I talk to Keiji about today.”

“Okay, okay, I don't want you mad at me. I haven't seen you in a while,” Akiteru answered. 

“I'm not mad,” Kei said. 

“Mhm,” Akiteru hummed. It was in a tone suggesting disbelief.

“I'll call you later,” Kei repeated.

“Talk to you soon,” Akiteru said before hanging up. Kei shook his head and hefted himself up off the mattress. By now, a nice aroma had wafted its way around the apartment, and even though it smelled good, Kei's stomach didn't respond in kind. Regardless, he made his way into the kitchen, phone in hand in case Keiji texted him.

Kuroo was standing over the stove. He was still in his pajama pants, but had, blessedly, threw on a t-shirt.

“Could I get something to drink?” Kei asked, entering the small kitchen. Tetsurou looked up at his appearance.

“Good morning! Yeah, grab whatever you want,” Tetsurou replied, gesturing an elbow toward the fridge. He then gave Kei a once-over. “Wow, you look snazzy.”

Kei raised a brow, hand pausing on the handle of the refrigerator.

“A plaid shirt and jeans is 'snazzy'?” Kei asked incredulously. Tetsurou smiled and shrugged, taking the pan of bacon off the burner and using a pair of metal tongs to transfer the bacon on a plate.

“Well, I mean, compared to your knit sweater vests or graphic t-shirts, yeah,” Tetsurou answered. 

“Please don't remind me of high school,” Kei muttered, opening the fridge. He had never cared much about his appearance in high school, which he figured played right in to his less-than-popular persona. Leaving Crestle gave him just enough of a push to try and change a few things, give him a fresh start, which included his wardrobe. Kei had never been into fashion, but growing up beside Keiji was undoubtedly helpful for a starting point. It also looked good to enter job interviews with something a little more professional than a Jurassic Park t-shirt.

“He goes to Virginia and comes back with fashion sense. Who'd have thought?” Tetsurou asked. Kei thought it a tad unfair. It wasn't like Tetsurou cared an ounce about 'seasonal colors', or any of that other fashion stuff. He'd always worn a lot of black, ripped jeans, beanies to hide his bedhead... Kei guessed a good taste in clothes was irrelevant if someone screamed 'bad boy', because Tetsurou had been just as popular as Keiji.

“I can't tell if you're complimenting me or insulting me,” Kei said, grabbing a gallon a orange juice and eyeing the cabinets. Tetsurou placed the now-empty pan back on the stove and opened a cabinet behind him, revealing the cups Kei was looking for.

“Maybe a healthy mix of both?” Tetsurou teased, handing a cup over. Kei took it from him, sending an exasperated look his way before pouring the juice. “What other grand changes are you hiding from me? Did you open an animal farm? Hit the lottery? Elope?”

“Because all of those sound plausible,” Kei said sarcastically, before raising the glass to his lips.

“Sky dive? Have kids?” Tetsurou continued. Kei snorted so hard that the air made some of his orange juice plop up on his upper lip, and he wiped it off.

“Forget I'm gay?” Kei asked. Tetsurou busied himself by cracking eggs and frying them.

“Adoption's a thing. Wild drunken nights full of regrets are, too,” Tetsurou retorted.

“Sounds more up your alley,” Kei said.

“You know me so well,” Tetsurou said, glancing at Kei from the corner of his eye and grinning widely. It did funny things to Kei's heart, and he quickly grabbed the gallon of orange juice to put it back in the fridge.

Of course he knew Tetsurou well. Kei hadn't been able to take his damn eyes off of him for years. He knew seeing Tetsurou again wasn't going to be easy, but for the raven to still have this much of an effect on him... Kei was frustrated with himself.

'Just give it up, already. It's useless,' Kei reasoned with himself. He grabbed his glass and sat in a stool next to the wrap-around bar separating the kitchen from the living room. Like this, with Tetsurou's back to him, he could observe Tetsurou openly. He thought back to that soft expression on Tetsurou's face as he helped Keiji with his coat last night. '… I want to say those same words to him.'

Kei tightened his grip on his glass. Beneath his jealousy was an urge to make sure Tetsurou was really alright. First and foremost, they were friends, and he was worried about Tetsurou bottling up his feelings. The same question from yesterday burned his throat again. Cautiously watching as Tetsurou slipped bread into the toaster next to the stove, Kei opened his mouth.

He jumped when his phone dinged loudly right next to him. The jerky movement made his orange juice slosh right out of the cup and all over his hand.

“Shit,” Kei cursed quietly. Tetsurou turned around and grabbed napkins upon noticing the dilemma.

“Jumpy, much?” Tetsurou said with a short laugh. His eyes were curious, and Kei felt embarrassment creep up his neck. 

“Thanks,” Kei muttered. He used the napkins to wipe off his hand and unlocked his phone, resolutely not looking up at Tetsurou.

A text from Keiji was on the screen, giving the details of their meet-up.

“Were you not talking with Keiji earlier?” Tetsurou asked, maneuvering back to the stove.

“No, that was Akiteru,” Kei answered, typing a reply to Keiji. 

“Ouch. I'm not even going to ask why my name came up, then,” Tetsurou said, sliding the fried eggs onto plates just as toast popped up.

“I just told him I'm staying here. He doesn't hate you, you know,” Kei sighed.

“Right. I'm just corrupting his little brother,” Tetsurou snorted. He quickly slathered butter on the toast and presented the plate in front of Kei. “Breakfast of the Kings is served.”

“No burnt bacon?” Kei asked, eyeing the plate.

“You're lucky I like you,” Tetsurou replied. The corner of Kei's lips tilted upwards before he took a bite of bacon. He ended up polishing the plate off, even if he wasn't hungry. It was nice to learn that Tetsurou did not get his cooking skills from his mother.

\---

After breakfast, Kuroo had driven Kei down to the bar and bid him farewell. Kei drove into town, parking in a mall's parking lot and meeting up with Keiji at the front doors. Like Crestle, even the bigger towns had a building there that had been knocked down and a road there that had been changed in the four years he was absent. He took in those changes as they strolled through the mall with warm cups of coffee in their hands.

“I might get a pastry,” Keiji said. 

“We're eating lunch in an hour,” Kei reminded.

“Your point?” Keiji asked with a raised brow.

“My point is, where does all that food go?” Kei asked. Keiji had always had an impressive appetite, especially for how slim he was.

“You have a bachelor's degree. Pretty sure you know the processes of the body,” Keiji said, dutifully stopping at a bakery counter. 

“Not the point at all,” Kei drawled with a grin. As Keiji bought his apple fritter and handed over the money, the shine of his wedding band caught Kei's eye. It was a simple design, silver with two black lines circling the circumference. The color scheme actually reminded him of Koutarou's unique hair. Kei remembered Keiji video calling him on his computer to show it off, but the webcam hadn't done it justice. Seeing it in person, Kei could make out the subtle carves on the silver surface, in the shape of waves. The changes of the area he grew up in were strange, and maybe a little jarring, but that ring on Keiji's finger was somehow the most poignant. “... are you scared at all?”

Kei surprised himself with the words. Keiji paused in putting his change in his wallet, looking up at Kei in surprise. Unlike with Tetsurou, Kei was able to hold his ground and not look away.

“About eating an apple fritter? Bring on the calories,” Keiji said. Kei narrowed his eyes and Keiji laughed out loud, folding his wallet up and shoving it in his coat pocket. Kei noted it was the same coat Tetsurou had slipped on his shoulders the night before, and then Keiji was sighing, leaning against the counter as he waited for his pastry to be bagged. “You know, I love both of you, but this protective big brother act you two have going on needs to stop.”

Kei blinked.

“Us two?” Kei asked. The woman behind the counter handed over the pastry and Keiji thanked her politely. Kei found himself following after Keiji when he started walking away from the counter.

“Tetsurou and you. You know what the first thing he said was when I told him I was engaged?” Keiji asked. The bag in his hands crinkled as he pushed the apple fritter up just enough to take a small bite. “He told me it was way too soon and asked me if I was sure. I was at least expecting a 'congratulations' before getting hammered with questions.”

A dull ache settled in the pit of Kei's stomach. 

“... marriage is just a big deal, I guess,” Kei said.

“It is. And have I ever jumped into something when I wasn't sure?” Keiji prompted.

“... if it was because of Tetsurou, you would,” Kei answered. Keiji looked surprised again before chuckling.

“Aahh, you have me there. He dragged both of us through some questionable things,” Keiji said, looking reminiscent. He then straightened, took another bite of his pastry, and chewed it before opening his mouth. “But this decision has nothing to do with Tetsurou. I love Koutarou, Kei. I love him a lot. And yeah, I guess it's a little nerve-wracking thinking of officially being a part of that huge family of his, but mostly, I'm excited. He's my other half, and all that romantic bullshit.”

Keiji's eyes twinkled over his smile. He was so happy and so sure that Kei had to smile back, hiding his conflicted feelings. How careless it was of Keiji to say the decision had nothing to do with Tetsurou. How blind did he have to be to not see how much pain Tetsurou had to have been in when he announced his engagement. It was no wonder Tetsurou couldn't offer his immediate congratulations. Kei had to wonder, if Tetsurou hadn't been such a coward and told Keiji how he felt years ago, if anything would be different now. Kei had expected, from the moment he'd first noticed Tetsurou's lingering glances, that they would end up together. Both beautiful, caring, energetic, funny people who deserved each other. 

'You're stupid,' Kei cursed Tetsurou in his head. He swallowed around a suddenly thick throat and tried to school his expression.

“I'm happy for you. Now just don't trip while you walk down the aisle or something,” Kei joked.

“Don't jinx me, you dick,” Keiji retorted. He raised his elbow to jab at Kei's side. Kei, being quick with his reflexes, held up a hand to push back. Unfortunately, that resulted in Keiji's hand knocking into the hand that held his fritter, and with a gasp from Keiji's mouth, it fell to the ground. Kei immediately began laughing at his misfortune, using his long legs to swiftly move out of the way of physical harm, while Keiji cursed and salvaged what he could, keeping the part of the fritter that was still in the bag and hadn't touched the dirty floor.

Akiteru joined them at a bistro later for lunch. Kei ended up stealing fries from his brother's meal instead of ordering his own, due to his stomach still being full from Tetsurou's breakfast. Keiji, on the other hand, despite eating an (almost whole) apple fritter, ordered a twelve inch sub and ate the entire thing. Somewhere during Akiteru's stories about his irresponsible roommate, Kei felt his cell phone vibrate in his pocket. He slid it out and checked his messages. 

Tetsurou had sent him a text.

'hey you want to go to keishin's tomorrow? i'm off. ask keiji if he wants to come too.'

Kei opened his mouth to do just that, but stopped himself. If Keiji did agree, there was a high possibility that Koutarou could be invited as well. Kei didn't want the couple to unknowingly cause Tetsurou pain, and a selfish part of him didn't want Koutarou hanging out with the three of them at Keishin's place. Keishin's was _their_ special place. Kei pursed his lips, glanced up at Keiji, and then typed back.

'Yeah, I'll go. Keiji can't.'

He felt a small twinge of guilt for lying, but sent the text anyway.

“Who's that?” Akiteru asked. Kei pocketed his phone and stole another fry.

“Just someone from work,” Kei said.


	3. You Only Smoke When You're Stressed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excuse me while I hurt my own heart.

**Chapter 3**

Unlike many things Kei had laid eyes on upon returning to this town, Keishin's looked exactly the same. The old building could easily be mistaken for a warehouse, if the crudely painted letters reading 'Keishin's: Billiards & Bowling' weren't written over the doorway. Kei took a moment to breath it in before unbuckling his seat-belt and opening the passenger side door.

Tetsurou had insisted they take his car again. Obviously it would be silly for the two of them to take separate cars, but the matter of gas still existed, and Tetsurou had already driven him home and back to the bar yesterday so he could meet up with Keiji. Tetsurou blew off his insistence, though, and Kei was dragged along at the other's pace. That, in itself, was just as familiar as Keishin's.

“Have you played lately? Bowling or billiards?” Tetsurou asked as they climbed the few concrete steps to the front door. The distance between the car and the front door was meager, but Kei found himself eager to get inside. The cold air around him nipped unpleasantly at his skin, seeping through his layers of clothing mockingly. He couldn't believe Tetsurou was merely wearing a light jacket.

“Not since I was here last,” Kei admitted. Tetsurou paused with his fingers brushing the handle of the front door, looking back at Kei in surprise.

“Seriously?” Tetsurou asked. Kei shouldn't be surprised that the admission caught Tetsurou off-guard. He couldn't count the number of days and nights they'd spent at Keishin's on weekends and after school. It was amazing that Keishin himself hadn't thrown them out, considering there were times where they didn't even buy anything, just huddled in one of the booths and chatted. That ability to get together in record time disappeared when Kei had moved down to Virginia. He knew no one in the city he'd moved to, and never the extrovert, hadn't made anything more than acquaintances, even in those four years. It was never a bother. Kei enjoyed his alone time and didn't find it necessary to seek out friendships just for the sake of getting out of the house. He supposed that was abnormal, though, and struggled with a response.

“I don't even know if there's a place with bowling and billiards in my area,” Kei managed. It was a weak response, considering the city he lived in was at least three times larger than Crestle, and there was no way a place like that wouldn't exist somewhere. It was truthful, though. Kei had never looked for one.

“So what _do_ you do for fun out there?” Tetsurou asked, pulling on the door. A chime sounded, similar to the one Kei had heard when entering Tetsurou's bar. Kei followed close behind, happy to feel the warmth of the inside. He immediately noticed the same tacky, dull carpeting on the floors. If he would want anything to change about this place, it would be that stupid 90's-looking carpet.

“Computers? Reveling at the stupidity of people?” Kei answered. He felt accomplished seeing Tetsurou grin.

“Computers are your career; that's work,” Tetsurou replied. “And that second one is a 24/7 activity for you.”

Kei smirked back at him.

“Oh, no, please get out now,” a new voice chimed in. Kei looked over at the front desk, seeing Keishin leaning heavily against the dark wood, a magazine opened in front of him and a cigarette dangling between his lips. He looked practically the same, with his bleached hair swept back by a headband and a hoodie stretching across his shoulders, staring at them like they were some nuisance.

“What's up, boss?” Tetsurou asked jovially, as if Keishin's words had never been spoken. Similarly, Keishin ignored Tetsurou's question, eyes settling on Kei.

“I thought you managed to get out. How did he drag you back here?” Keishin asked, throwing a thumb rather rudely in Tetsurou's direction. 

“Wow, okay, how much money have I given your business over the last decade, again?” Tetsurou drawled. Kei snorted at the playful banter.

“I'm just back in town for Keiji's wedding,” Kei answered. The words 'it's nice to see you again' floated across his mind, but his lips stayed shut. Sure, they'd known each other for years, but Keishin was the adult who ran the place they liked to hang out as teenagers. The relationship wasn't personal, and Kei realized with a start that he didn't even know if Keishin had family, so maybe 'it's nice to see you again' would be a little much. Even if it was truly how Kei felt. 

Being back in Crestle was making him entirely too nostalgic.

“Ah, yeah, I heard about that. Tell Keiji congratulations for me, if you two don't bring him around here before the wedding,” Keishin said, taking the cigarette from between his lips and tapping the excess ash off in a nearby ashtray. “So what will it be today? Bowling? Billiards? Those hot dogs on the warmer back there are fresh.”

Kei looked over at Tetsurou to see Tetsurou look back at him.

“Your choice,” Tetsurou said. His hand began reaching for his back pocket, and Kei hastily grabbed hold of his wrist. 

“ _I'm_ paying,” Kei said, challenged, sending Tetsurou a look he hoped was menacing enough to know he would not let this one slide. He could feel the warmth radiating off of Tetsurou's skin. It felt amazing against Kei's chilled fingertips, and Kei was caught between cursing the man for somehow embodying a heater or appreciating the soft, bare skin of his wrist.

“Fiiiine,” Tetsurou sighed. Kei didn't let go of his wrist until Tetsurou's hand was well away from his back pocket. He then reached for his own wallet.

“Let's just start with an hour on the tables,” Kei suggested, pulling out the appropriate bills.

“Hey, can I bum a couple cigarettes off of you?” Tetsurou asked. Kei was momentarily bewildered, thinking the question was aimed at him, but of course it was said to Keishin. Either way, Kei's eyebrows furrowed.

“Buy your own damn cigarettes,” Keishin barked.

“I don't want a whole pack, though,” Tetsurou muttered unhappily. Keishin placed the money Kei had given him in the cash register, then stooped down to grab box of billiard balls from underneath the counter separating himself and his customers. He placed the box down on the counter-top.

“If I haven't smoked 'em all by the time you leave, I'll give them to you before you head out,” Keishin offered.

“You'll just smoke twice as much,” Tetsurou accused. Keishin gave him a cheeky smile as Kei picked up the billiard balls.

“Do you smoke regularly now?” Kei asked as they made their way to the pool tables. He hadn't seen Tetsurou smoking since he'd gotten back to Crestle, nor had he seen any cigarettes lying around in his apartment. There were vague memories of a younger Tetsurou with a cigarette in his mouth, because of course Tetsurou would be the kind of person to try smoking just to say that he did it, but those memories were always paired with more stressful situations in the teenager's life. 

“Nah. A drag now and then is nice,” Tetsurou said with a shrug. “There was a guy who came into the bar once.. had a hole in his throat. Freaked me out. I don't think I'd ever pick up smoking permanently.”

“You know, normally, if something like that freaked you out, you wouldn't want to smoke at all,” Kei replied, racking the balls. 

“Aw, come on. Everyone has their little vices,” Tetsurou spoke blithely, making a show of choosing a pool stick. He'd always sworn there was one that was better than the others, despite there being sixteen identical pool sticks. It looked like he was still convinced of this.

“Just grab one,” Kei insisted, walking up next to him and choosing a random stick.

“Ah!” Tetsurou exclaimed, pointing to the stick he'd just picked. “You grabbed it! You just grabbed the best one!”

“There is no best one,” Kei countered.

“Aahh, so unfair. If you beat me, you cheated,” Tetsurou insisted. Kei was extremely unimpressed.

“What an excuse,” Kei drawled. He then shoved the pool stick he'd chosen into Tetsurou's chest and grabbed another. “Happy!”

“Very!” Tetsurou grinned. Suddenly, that grin vanished, and Tetsurou narrowed his eyes, darting them between the two sticks in their hands. “AAHH! I was wrong! That one is the best one!”

Kei lifted the pool stick in his hands and pointed the blunt end toward Tetsurou's face.

“I will shove this down your throat-”

“Oho, learned some kinky things while you were gone,” Tetsurou teased, lips twitching as if he was holding back laughter. 'Kinky things' being the very last of things Kei wanted to think about in Tetsurou's presence, he unceremoniously swung the pool stick into the side of Tetsurou's head. “OW!”

“Stop being an ass,” Kei mumbled, watching Tetsurou's hands fly up to the spot the pool stick had connected with his head.

“Oooowwww, Kei, don't seriously try to kill me!” Tetsurou complained, tenderly rubbing his head. Kei let the bottom of the pool stick hit the floor and shifted from one hip to the other uncomfortably.

“... did I hit you that hard?” Kei asked hesitantly. He didn't think it was that hard of a hit, but these pool sticks were solid, and maybe he'd swung a bit too hard in his embarrassment. He stepped closer to Tetsurou, ready to part the raven strands and assess the damage, but the grin was suddenly back on Tetsurou's face.

“Still gullible,” Tetsurou chirped. Kei felt his body tense and aimed the pool stick at him again.

“Are you five?!” Kei exclaimed.

“Are _you_ five?” Keishin called from across the way. Kei looked up to see his disapproving stare. “Use the pool sticks as intended. No sword fights.”

Kei put down the stick again with flushed cheeks. Tetsurou slumped against the closest pool table and started laughing without abandon. 

“Haha... ha... Kei's the one getting us in trouble now! Hahaha,” Tetsurou continued to laugh his heart out. Kei absolutely hated the way his own lips were betraying him, curving upwards and into his cheeks so much it hurt. It was mortifying, being yelled at when he was a twenty-six-year-old man for using a pool stick to jab at someone, but he had to admit that it was amusing seeing the tables turned, and it was electrifying (be still his heart) to see Tetsurou so swept up in mirth. 

“.. this only proves that you're a bad influence,” Kei claimed, the words harboring no heat. 

“Oh, no, no, you can't blame this on me. You were the one who took the best pool stick,” Tetsurou chuckled, dark brown eyes glittering playfully beneath the fluorescent lighting. 

“You are infuriating,” Kei replied, taking the moment to line up the cue ball. “I'm taking first shot because you're a dick.”

“Ladies first,” Tetsurou drawled. Kei inwardly made it his life's mission to utterly annihilate Tetsurou at this game of pool. Unfortunately, not playing in over four years really had taken a toll on his hand/eye coordination. Tetsurou managed to sink the eight ball in when Kei still had three stripes on the felt.

“Rematch,” Kei declared.

“Oho, someone's fired up,” Tetsurou taunted.

By some divine miracle, Kei managed to win the third game. 

“ _Losers_ first,” Kei goaded, once everything was set up for the fourth, and probably last, game. Their hour was just about up. In the short time that they'd had together, Kei managed to block out everything else, even the fact Keishin was there and surely sending them obligatory surveillance glances, and just focus on Tetsurou. The way they bantered back and forth like they used to, the way he subtly swayed back and forth when it wasn't his turn because he couldn't seem to stay still, the way his backside sloped when he took a shot (bite him, it was right there and he could take guilty glances if he wanted to), the way his laughter made Kei warm enough to discard his coat in the middle of the game, the way... they just were. The way they hadn't been in years.

It hurt that the reason for that lie with Kei himself. Despite knowing that it was his own fault, that it was these stupid feelings for his childhood friend that made him draw back, that it was he who moved away from everything, he still missed-

“I've missed this,” Tetsurou said, slumping against the pool table and looking over at Kei instead of taking his shot. Kei blinked, caught off guard by the unexpected phrase. He'd anticipated some snarky comment for calling Tetsurou a loser, not... well, that. “I'm glad you came up here to visit. You have to come here more often. Four years, really? Like do you hate us that much?”

The oddly sentimental tone had once again taken a teasing quality at the end. Kei knew perfectly well Tetsurou knew he didn't hate him. It still made him feel guilty.

“Life happens, I guess,” Kei shrugged. He hoped he was coming off as nonchalantly as he was attempting to be. He could tell Tetsurou that he missed this, too. But he was afraid something as simple as that would open floodgates that didn't need to be released. When exactly had he started this tip-toe act around his best friend? 

Why couldn't it just stop?

“.. guess it does,” Tetsurou hummed, looking away from Kei and off into the distance. Kei got to unabashedly observe his profile for a grand total of two seconds before there was another smile directed at him. Tetsurou pressed against the pool table, straightening and rounding the corner to line up for his shot. “So we're gonna enjoy this while we can! It'd be perfect if Keiji was here too.”

A feeling, vicious and hot, zipped up from the pit of Kei's stomach to his strained throat. He swallowed it down thickly, hating, _loathing_ , his own jealousy.

He lost the fourth game.

It was a saving grace when Tetsurou announced he was hungry right after their billiards session. He didn't want to be a downer, but he was no longer feeling up for a game of bowling. Considering Keishin's hot dogs were just generic hot dogs bought from a store and thrown on the warmer to look special (they had found the incriminating evidence years prior after some snooping around), they decided to go down the street to get burgers. He ended up stealing some of Tetsurou's fries (really, when had he become such a fry thief?) and Tetsurou had promised revenge. The revenge was apparently not going to happen on the same day, though, because there had been no sign of it by the time night had fallen and Kei stepped out of Tetsurou's shower.

He dried his body off and tugged on comfortable clothing before exiting the bathroom. The apartment was silent, which was a little jarring, considering the television had been on with the volume turned up high when Kei had entered the shower. He dismissed it for the time being, going about his business to get ready for bed and checking his phone for missed messages. He had one from his sister, Hitoka, giving him details of when she would be leaving her college dorm to make her way to Crestle for the wedding. He also had one from Keiji, asking what he had planned for the following day. The utter silence in the apartment eventually won over his curiosity, and he left his phone on the floor with unanswered texts.

Padding his way out of Tetsurou's bedroom while brushing a towel against his damp hair, he quickly realized Tetsurou was not on the couch. The television was still on, but seemed to be muted. A look toward the kitchen proved Tetsurou to be absent from it as well, unless he was about to be a giant jerk and enact his revenge by ducking behind the cabinets and waiting to scare Kei. Cautiously, the blond approached the kitchen. When only white tile filled his vision, Kei frowned. He looked around on the cabinet and table tops, thinking Tetsurou may have left a note if he needed to go somewhere.

Nothing.

A glance at the front door revealed it was unlocked. Kei made his way across the living room, using his fingers to tip down the blinds. It was dark outside, and with the light coming in from behind him, it was hard to see. There was something that stood out in the black of the night, though, and that was a small red light. Like the end of a lit cigarette.

Kei threw the expanse of the towel in his hands on his head and viciously scrubbed at his head before laying the towel out on the couch armchair and grabbing his coat by the front door. He slipped his feet into his shoes, ignoring the fact he wasn't wearing socks, and opened the door.

Every muscle in his body tensed as his skin was bombarded with the icy chill of the outside air. His breath shown as a white cloud in front of his lips as he shut the door behind him. Tetsurou was looking back at him in surprise.

“I was about to go back in. You're going to freeze out here,” Tetsurou said as Kei approached his side, leaning against the banister. Tetsurou flicked his cigarette, letting the ashes fall to the ground below. The cancer stick was small, nearly done with.

“You're one to talk,” Kei answered. Again, Tetsurou only had that light jacket on over his sleepwear. 

“I like the cold, though,” Tetsurou said.

“Yes, you're insane, we all know,” Kei replied. Tetsurou chuckled, and Kei fought the urge to shiver against the cold. Kei found himself gazing up at the night sky, the stillness of the night blanketing a sense of calm around him. Then his eyes flickered back to the cigarette between Tetsurou's fingers. “... you only smoke when you're stressed about something.”

He could tell by the twitch of Tetsurou's eye that he'd hit a nerve.

“Hm? I told you earlier. A drag is nice now and then,” Tetsurou said. When Kei didn't respond, he leaned more heavily against the banister and turned a rather pompous grin in his direction. “Things can change, Mr. Disappear For Four Years.”

Kei pursed his lips.

“Yeah, but some things don't change,” Kei said, watching carefully as Tetsurou brought the cigarette to his lips. His heart was beating fast as he gripped the banister. “Like you being in love with Keiji.”

And, God, to just speak it aloud was as freeing as it was cutting. Kei jumped when Tetsurou choked on the smoke and starting hacking up a lung in front of him. He winced as the raven hit his chest a couple times, blinking back the wetness in his eyes from the coughing. And then it was over, and Tetsurou was looking at Kei as if he'd just grown another head.

Kei honestly wanted to smack him. He wanted Tetsurou to stop looking so shocked, because it'd been so sickeningly apparent for so many years that he didn't deserve to look like that.

“... _what_?” Tetsurou wheezed. Kei scoffed.

“I've known for years. Don't even try to pull a shitty excuse out of nowhere,” Kei said firmly. “That's why I've been worried. About you. About Keiji's wedding.”

Tetsurou gaped. It wasn't the least bit fun to watch that expression morph from shock, to acceptance, to mortification.

“... you didn't tell Keiji, did you?” Tetsurou asked softly. “Kei, you _can't_ tell Keiji.”

Kei knew that. He understood. Too well.

“I'm not going to,” Kei answered with a sigh. He shivered violently, as if remembering how cold he was for the first time since he'd first opened the front door. Tetsurou seemed to notice, even through his current turmoil.

“... let's go back inside,” Tetsurou suggested, wrapping a hand around Kei's arm and tugging. Kei followed with little resistance. The warmth of the apartment was welcomed, but at the same time, wasn't quite enough. Kei had the sudden urge to bury himself in his blankets... to leave reality and get lost in his dreams... because even though he _knew_ , he'd known for _years_ , the man he loved had just confirmed that he loved another.

It was suddenly hitting him like a truck, and once again, Kei wondered why on earth he hated himself so much as to stay with Tetsurou for the week.

“.. I'm going to bed,” Kei murmured, grabbing the towel he'd laid on the arm of the couch.

“What?” Tetsurou asked in disbelief. “Wait, Kei, you can't just.. lay that on me and then go to bed! If you... knew... was I really that obvious? You don't... there's no way Keiji knows, is there?”

Kei hated how distraught Tetsurou sounded. 

“... I don't think you were obvious. I've just been beside you for so many years that I guess I picked up on it,” Kei answered. 'I've always been looking at you,' Kei thought to himself. “Just answer me this. You're not going to do something stupid like crash the wedding, right?”

Tetsurou looked scandalized, and if Kei's spirits weren't dragged down so far, he'd find it funny.

“Of course not!” Tetsurou exclaimed. 

“Good. Because Keiji is my friend, and I want to protect him. But, Tetsurou, I'm here for you, too. So you don't need to force a smile around me if you don't have to,” Kei said sincerely. Tetsurou looked at a loss of words, and it was just as well. Kei was tired, he was cold, he was exhausted, and he was absolutely done with everything for the night. He turned his back to Tetsurou and made his way to the mattress on the floor, managing a faint, “Good night.” that he wasn't even sure if Tetsurou heard.


	4. Parallels

**Chapter 4**

He didn't want to get up.

Soft voices and music filtered into Tetsurou's bedroom from his living room, which meant the television was on. Which meant Tetsurou was up. Kei was pretty sure the other man had to work today. Maybe he would be able to stay in bed and fake sleep until Tetsurou left.

Kei groaned to himself before throwing his sheets off and dragging himself to the restroom. 

When he did emerge from Tetsurou's room, dressed for the day, the raven was slouched against the side of the couch, still in sweats and a t-shirt. Kei was suddenly glad he didn't try to pull the 'sleep-until-Tetsurou-left' stunt, because it didn't look like he was going anywhere anytime soon.

“.. morning,” Kei greeted, pausing somewhat awkwardly outside of Tetsurou's bedroom door. Tetsurou's eyes had flickered toward Kei as soon as he'd entered the living room, and were still locked on him.

“Morning,” Tetsurou parroted. His expression wasn't giving much away, but the fact he didn't smile with his greeting was telling enough for Kei. Struck with a sudden urge to run and hide, Kei broke eye contact and ambled toward the kitchen.

“Am I too late for coffee?” Kei asked. Before he finished the question, his gaze landed on a half-full coffee pot.

“There's some there, but you'll have to heat it up,” Tetsurou answered. Kei busied himself with just that, pouring some coffee into a mug and tossing it in the microwave. 

“Do you not have work today?” Kei asked, his back still turned to the living room as he watched his coffee mug turn around and around in the microwave. It probably wasn't good for his already-bad eyes to be staring inside of a microwave, but it wasn't stopping him.

“Morisuke is handling things today,” Tetsurou replied. Kei remembered Tetsurou mentioning his part-timer the day he'd arrived in Crestle. He wondered if he'd recognize him if he saw the guy's face, but then his coffee was bubbling, and Kei quickly took his cup out. He added a dab of milk and some sugar before venturing into the living room to sit on the couch with Tetsurou, mentally preparing himself for the topic that was sure to be brought up sooner than later. He didn't wait long. “... so, about last night.”

“About last night,” Kei repeated, taking a careful sip of his coffee. He felt the warm liquid trickle down his throat as he looked over at Tetsurou. The raven looked conflicted, shaking his head a little and bringing a hand to his forehead before opening his mouth.

“Okay, just, first of all, can you honestly tell me that Keiji doesn't know I-... I have feelings for him?” Tetsurou asked. The statement had started strong and ended weak, like he was struggling with the admission. Kei, for the first time, realized Tetsurou may have never admitted he loved Keiji to _anyone_. 

The thought was baffling.

“... I'm not Keiji, so I can't say it's impossible, but he's never said anything to me about it,” Kei answered honestly. Tetsurou slowly dragged his hand down his face and nodded. There was a bout of silence, where Tetsurou blankly stared at the television, and Kei furrowed his eyebrows. “Are you okay?”

Tetsurou's eyes snapped back to Kei's.

“Yeah. Yeah, I just... I was always so scared to say anything, so it's kind of blowing my mind to talk about it,” Tetsurou admitted, attempting a small smile. Kei could sympathize.

“If I'm being honest, I was always waiting for you two to become a thing,” Kei said. The words felt heavy on his tongue, and he took another sip of coffee to wash away the feeling. Tetsurou's eyebrows shot up.

“Wow. And here I thought it would creep you out because we were like brothers growing up together,” Tetsurou said with a chuckle. It was a stale sound, though, one that didn't quite live up to the attempted humor in the situation. Kei couldn't help the frown that tugged his lips down, and just barely kept it from turning into a cringe.

He didn't want to hear Tetsurou refer to him as a 'brother'.

“No. You'd be a good match,” Kei said. And maybe it was a little snappy. Maybe the words stemmed from a bitterness deeply rooted within him after years of harboring feelings for Tetsurou while knowing he didn't have a chance because who could compete with Keiji Akaashi? Whatever the reason, the moment after they were said, Kei regretted them. He regretted them immensely. Especially after seeing Tetsurou avert his eyes with a pained, humorless, upward tilt of his lips.

“Yeah, well, Keiji's getting married in two days,” Tetsurou said with a shrug. “Don't they say that first loves hardly ever work out, anyway?”

Kei bit the inside of his cheek. He let the words settle over him, panic settling in his chest at the stinging sensation at the back of his eyes. He fought it with all he had. This wasn't about him, or how he was feeling. This was about his friend, who he loved dearly, who was clearly hurting while trying to act nonchalant, and Kei was going to play the best friend role to the best of his ability. It was the hand he was dealt.

“When I asked how you felt about Keiji getting married... this is was I was referring to,” Kei said. He watched recognition filter across Tetsurou's face.

“... well then, I'm going to repeat that I'm happy that Keiji is happy. And that I like Koutarou,” Tetsurou said carefully. “... but I'll add in that it sucks.”

Kei had nothing to say to that. He drank the rest of his coffee as Tetsurou watched television, hoping that, if nothing else, it was a relief for Tetsurou to get some of that off his chest. 

His own, ached.

\---

It was after he'd polished off his coffee and rinsed the mug out in the sink that he made his way back into Tetsurou's bedroom and grabbed his cell from the floor. There were two messages.

Hitoka had texted, explaining she would be coming into Crestle late in the evening and staying with a friend. 

Keiji had texted, wondering why Tetsurou wasn't answering his texts, and then saying he wanted all four of them to go to the fair a neighboring town was hosting.

Kei had, very briefly, debated not answering Keiji. But that was a silly thought, considering he would only be in town four more days, and it wasn't like things would change. Life would move on and Keiji would be getting married to Koutarou in a few days. Thoughts of sheltering Tetsurou from the duo were only going to create questions and suspicion.

“Keiji and Koutarou want to go to the fair in Ratesburg with us today,” Kei informed. 

“Let me try to tame this bedhead before we head out,” Tetsurou replied. There were no signs of rejection to the idea. No pained face, no anger, no crying. Despite his personal feelings, Tetsurou would always be ready and willing to hang out with Keiji... ready to face and even support Keiji with another man. That was the kind of man Tetsurou was. It was the man Kei had fallen in love with so many years ago. Yet, still, Kei couldn't erase the unease sitting on his chest like a weight. 

\---

“YOOO! Over here!”

The loud, boisterous voice could only belong to Koutarou. It was easy to spot that crazy hair style as they entered the fairgrounds.

What Kei didn't expect was to see not only Keiji, but two younger children glued to Koutarou's side.

“Oh, no, not _these_ two,” Tetsurou gasped in a way that was obviously fake. Kei watched curiously as the two kids, one boy and one girl, turned puffed out cheeks Tetsurou's way.

“Not like we wanted to see you either!” The girl huffed.

“You wanna go?!” The boy yelled, quickly setting his hands and feet in a fighting stance. Kei couldn't even find it in himself to be surprised.

“What did you even do to these children?” Kei asked, deadpanned. Koutarou laughed loudly, bringing down two hands to ruffle the kids' hair. They both protested, but Koutarou acted like he didn't hear a thing.

“I hope you don't mind Nami and Eisuke joining us today,” Keiji spoke up.

“Yeeeah, I was supposed to babysit the two tigers, but I really wanted to come hang out with you guys, too!” Koutarou explained. Tetsurou made a show of holding out his palm.

“You're gonna have to give me at least twenty bucks to deal with these two,” Tetsurou said, prompting more protests from the kids.

“Bet I can beat you at darts!” The boy, Kei assumed was Eisuke, challenged. Tetsurou's eyes glinted at the challenge.

“Oho? You're on, little dude,” Tetsurou grinned. Kei shuffled closer to Kei's side.

“Koutarou's siblings?” Kei ventured a guess. Keiji nodded.

“Two of the six, anyway,” Keiji said in fond exasperation. “Eisuke's ten. Nami is nine. They're the youngest of the bunch.”

“Let's go, let's go!” Eisuke exclaimed, grabbing hold of Tetsurou's arm and dragging him further inside. Kei watched as Tetsurou allowed himself to be dragged with a smile on his face. Then his eyes came back to Koutarou and Nami, and he noticed Nami was looking up at him curiously. Seeing his gaze now on her, she stepped closer.

“Hi. Are you Kei?” Nami asked, hands clasped behind her back. Kei blinked, realizing Koutarou must have mentioned him before. Kei couldn't help but be curious about what was said.

“I am,” Kei agreed. He was really never good with kids, so he felt a little unsure of how to carry on a conversation.

“I heard you're gonna get brother something from Hawaii!” Nami said, suddenly excited. Kei shot Koutarou a look, who grinned sheepishly.

“Well, it's true, right? You won't go back on your promise?” Koutarou asked hopefully, slapping his hands together in a prayer.

“I love dolphins!” Nami exclaimed, pointing at her t-shirt, which, did in fact, have a dolphin on it. “Can you get something with dolphins?!”

“Uh.. it's my parents who are getting something,” Kei spoke, growing more unsure.

“Both of you need to learn how to be less shameless,” Keiji sighed, crossing his arms as if he disapproved. Both Koutarou and Nami pouted, looking at him apologetically. It was a little amazing to Kei to see Keiji had just as much of an effect on Nami as he did on Koutarou. It was easy to see Keiji was already well acquainted with Koutaru's family. And apparently Tetsurou was, too.

“... I'll mention dolphins to my parents,” Kei said. “But for now, let's go watch Eisuke and Tetsurou try to pop balloons?”

It came out as more of a question than anything, but Nami seemed to approve, smiling with a nod and turning about-face to venture into the fair.

\---

Kei was very quickly understanding that Eisuke and Nami were a handful. They had limitless energy, and were just as loud as Koutarou. It was amusing to watch the two kids get carried away, and eventually rope Koutarou and Tetsurou into getting carried away as well. That is, until Keiji stepped in and calmed them down. 

“Want to go on that with me?” Tetsurou asked Eisuke, nodding his head at the drop tower. Eisuke looked up and his face grew pale. He was obviously afraid of the ride, but his face scrunched up in contemplation. 

“Y- you'd be too scared!” Eisuke exclaimed.

“Would not,” Tetsurou egged on.

“Are you five?” Kei asked. Tetsurou whipped his head in his direction.

“No, that was you with the pool stick, remember?” Tetsurou asked with a big smile. Kei's narrowed his eyes.

“You know,” Keiji butt in, putting his hand on Eisuke's shoulder. “I think the scared one is your sister. She's been eyeing the ferris wheel this whole time, but you know she's not very good with heights.”

Eisuke's eyebrows shot up at this piece of information. He stared at Nami, who was really looking up at the ferris wheel. 

“... hey, Nami!” Eisuke exclaimed, sprinting to her. Nami turned her head at the sound of her name, looking surprised when her brother suddenly grasped her hand. Eisuke pointed up at the ferris wheel. “Come on, I'll ride with you!”

Nami looked happy with that.

“... wow,” Koutarou said, his voice in awe. “I didn't even notice that! Keiji, you're the best! You would make, like, the greatest father in the world!”

A light blush made its way across Keiji's cheeks.

“I'm just an observant person,” Keiji replied modestly. Koutarou beamed and grasped his hand.

“And I'm totally not. Which is why you're my better half,” Koutarou said fervently. Though embarrassed, Keiji offered a smile, squeezing Koutarou's hand back. Kei slid his gaze to Tetsurou standing beside him. The raven rolled his eyes skyward.

“Alright, you two lovebirds. Now that the kids will be occupied with the ferris wheel line, go take the chance to ride something yourselves,” Tetsurou said.

“You wouldn't mind?” Koutarou asked.

“Shoo,” Tetsurou said, waving them away.

“It'll just be one ride. Then we'll be back,” Keiji promised.

“It's fine,” Kei said for good measure. The couple walked away holding hands, shoulders bumping. Kei waited until they were well out of earshot to sigh and cross his arms, sliding his gaze toward Tetsurou again. “You can't honestly tell me that doesn't bother you.”

Tetsurou looked surprised by the statement. Then he shrugged, slipping his hands into his pockets.

“What do you expect me to do? Stop being his friend?” Tetsurou asked. His tone suggested the idea was ludicrous. “I think not being able to see him would be worse than this.”

Kei felt the words like a slap to his face. Guilt festered and built so quickly in his stomach that he felt sick. 

_That_ was the unease on his chest. Tetsurou chose his friendship with Keiji over everything else. Kei, on the other hand, had jeopardized his friendship with Tetsurou by moving hours away because he was scared. Scared of not being good enough, scared of being rejected, and that fear was strong enough to shatter his trust in Tetsurou. Kei felt the sudden impulse to laugh, because that was so stupid. Tetsurou had proved time and time again that he would come through for the people he cared about when it mattered most. There's no way Tetsurou would ever hate him. Kei felt that very strongly. Both Kei and Keiji were treasured, even if Kei still had rogue thoughts wondering how he was lucky enough to receive such affection.

And yet he'd been prepared to sever all ties with Tetsurou. He was a horrible friend to up and leave, and sparingly communicate while in Virginia. 

_“With you gone, I didn't have anyone to call me out on my shit anymore.”_

_“You could have at least visited after you left for Virginia.”_

_“He goes to Virginia and comes back with fashion sense. Who'd have thought?”_

_“I'm glad you came up here to visit. You have to come here more often. Four years, really? Like do you hate us that much?”_

_“Things can change, Mr. Disappear For Four Years.”_

Kei suddenly realized just how many times Tetsurou had brought up Kei's absence since he got back into town. It'd always been brought up casually, jokingly, but that was just how Tetsurou was. The other man had undoubtedly been hurt by Kei's disappearance.

Kei instantly felt like shit.

“Are you okay?” 

Kei almost jumped, coming back to reality by Tetsurou's question. Tetsurou looked concerned, and Kei realized he may have looked as sick as he felt.

“... yeah. The cotton candy earlier probably didn't set well,” Kei lied, bringing a hand to his stomach. 

“Well then you're definitely not going on that thing either,” Tetsurou said wistfully, gesturing to the drop tower. Kei looked up at it, realizing Tetsurou had probably asked Eisuke because he truly did want to ride it. “Maybe we can just walk around? See if your stomach settles?”

And there he went again, worrying about Kei before himself. 

Kei wasn't going to allow it. He'd been an absolutely shitty best friend these past four years, and if going on the drop tower with Kei was something Tetsurou wanted, then going on the drop tower with Kei was what he was going to get.

“No. Let's go,” Kei said, beginning to walk toward the drop tower.

“Huh? Kei, that's like, the last ride you want to go on if your stomach's upset,” Tetsurou asked, quickly following behind him.

“Stomach's fine now,” Kei replied. There was a beat of silence, and then laughter.

“I didn't think sugar would phase you for long, considering how many slices of strawberry shortcake you used to down,” Tetsurou said.

“We should go to that bakery while I'm here,” Kei suggested. He paused. “... if it's still open?”

They both stopped at the end of the drop tower line.

“Yeah. It is,” Tetsurou said with a grin. 

“Hitoka loved it too. She's coming in tonight, so maybe she'll be able to join us,” Kei said.

“I feel like it's been forever since I last saw Hitoka!” Tetsurou exclaimed. Kei fiddled with his fingers.

“But not near as long as you'd seen me,” Kei muttered. Tetsurou heard, though, and blinked. Kei frowned and then pushed on. “I'm sorry. For being shit at communicating with you after I left.”

“... I mean, it's life, like you said, right?” Tetsurou asked, lips upturning back into a smile and shrugging his shoulders. Kei suddenly wished he'd never said that.

“Yeah, but, when I go back to Virginia, I'm demanding at least one video call every week,” Kei proposed. He felt just a little vulnerable suggesting such a thing, as if doing so would reveal too much, but he was determined. If Tetsurou could reign in his feelings for Keiji to keep their friendship alive, Kei could do the same. He would. No matter how hard it was to be with Tetsurou. 

The raven looked taken aback. Kei waited impatiently for his response.

“... aww,” Tetsurou finally spoke, a teasing glint to his eyes as he saddled in closer and threw an arm around Kei's shoulders. “Didn't know you missed me that much, Kei!”

It was a typical Tetsurou response. So Kei gave a typical response of his own, which was to scowl and shove Tetsurou off of him.

'More than you know,' was the response that echoed in Kei's head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.. aha... sorry this chapter took forever...


	5. Seeking Warmth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took advantage of the long weekend to crank out another chapter before busy-time starts again!
> 
> And hey, this chapter isn't very angsty! Yay!

**Chapter 5**

The day flew by in a flurry of rides, conversation, and sampling various sweet and fried fair food. In Kei's newfound determination to just be, just enjoy the company of his two best friends, he found himself in a moment of peace with all the little things he'd been hung up on since he arrived back in Crestle. Like seeing Keiji and Tetsurou standing next to each other in conversation, and the small displays of affection between Keiji and Koutarou. 

Like keeping his heart rate as steady as possible when Tetsurou turned a bright smile his way.

However, when the sun began setting behind the horizon, casting a faint orange glow over the land, the temperature dropped along with it. Kei had been prepared, leaving Tetsurou's apartment with two pairs of socks, a thick scarf, and gloves. Even so, the cold seeped into his skin and bit at his nose and fingertips.

He really hated the cold. It was hard to enjoy himself when his body was fighting shivers with every movement. A sudden sneeze from a pink-nosed Keiji proved he was in a similar situation.

“Ah! Maybe we should call it a night. You better not get a cold before the wedding,” Koutarou chastised. 

“Aw, it's cool, though!” Eisuke exclaimed. He blew a huff of air out of his mouth, nearly going cross-eyed to watch it turn into a plume of white in front of him. “Look, I'm an ice dragon!”

Even though the white plume would dissipate in no time at all, Nami made it a point to swipe her hand through the air and clear it up. Eisuke shot a glare her way.

“I agree with Koutarou. The last thing we want is for you to get sick right now,” Tetsurou agreed. Kei suddenly found himself the focus of Tetsurou's dark brown eyes. “And anyway, if you're cold, I know this one is a walking Popsicle.”

“I really am,” Kei said seriously. He tucked his arms closer to his body and tried his best not to look disgruntled.

“Alright! One more ride, go, go!” Koutarou exclaimed, pointing a finger in the air. Eisuke and Nami nearly tripped over their own feet in their haste to take advantage of the time they had left. Koutarou flashed the other adults a smile and a salute before taking off after his siblings, leaving Keiji, Kei, and Tetsurou standing together.

“Five bucks says they do the spinning teacups,” Tetsurou challenged.

“It'll be the carousel,” Keiji corrected. 

Kei hadn't the faintest clue what to guess, but observed as the three siblings did, in fact, get on the carousel. Tetsurou huffed.

“And Nami was bragging about how pretty the teacups were earlier,” Tetsurou sighed.

“Animals beat anything,” Keiji said. “I'm glad the carousel doesn't have a dolphin to ride. Nami would never get off.”

“It's bad enough there's an owl,” Tetsurou replied. The two shared a smirk, and Kei felt left out of the joke. But that kind of thing was to be expected.

“Hitoka is coming in tonight, right?” Keiji asked.

“Yeah. She'll be in pretty late,” Kei replied.

“I'm taking the two to the bakery tomorrow,” Tetsurou announced.

“Don't you have work?” Keiji asked with a raised eyebrow. Tetsurou waved his hand in the air.

“Morisuke is taking the shift until noon. I'll go in after,” Tetsurou explained.

“I doubt Morisuke is very happy about the sudden shift changes,” Keiji said with a small grin. Tetsurou shrugged.

“He acts like he owns the place, anyway. I see no problem with it,” Tetsurou reasoned. “I do want to drop by, though, when we leave. Do you mind?”

Kei had no issues with the thought, as long as he was promised a warm blanket and cup of coffee as soon as they got home. Tetsurou laughed and said that it wouldn't be a problem, so with that promise lingering in Kei's mind, they said their good-byes to Keiji and the Bokutos, and drove back to Crestle. He texted Hitoka during the drive, but didn't get a response. He assumed she was driving herself and couldn't text.

Nekoma looked the same as it had days ago. Only this time, there was no sun to create a glare on the large windows, and Kei could see clearly beyond the glass. The man behind the counter was short, and if Tetsurou hadn't already told Kei that he was in Tetsurou's same year in high school, Kei would have guessed he was too young to serve alcohol. Morisuke looked pleasant enough, chatting to two men sitting at the bar, until the bell sounded above them. As soon as Morisuke looked over and recognized Tetsurou, a scowl settled over his young features.

“Unless you're here to relieve me, I don't want to see your ugly mug,” Morisuke spoke. Though the words were harsh, Kei could tell they weren't hostile. Tetsurou was definitely not taken aback by them.

“I think you forget who owns this place,” Tetsurou answered, placing his forearms on the bar and leaning on them. “How'd we do?”

“Pretty average. Maybe a little low,” Morisuke answered. Kei could only guess they were talking about money. As if he'd voiced his thoughts, Morisuke's gaze was suddenly on him. “Yo. Welcome back to Crestle. Hope our idiot owner hasn't embarrassed himself too much.”

Kei was surprised that Morisuke was talking as if he knew him. Then again, it wouldn't be outrageous to think someone from Tetsurou's grade level would have seen them hanging out as teenagers.

“He embarrasses himself by existing,” Kei answered. 

“ _Hey_ ,” Tetsurou hissed. 

“Amen. Want anything?” Morisuke asked, smirking.

“No thanks. I don't think we're staying long..?” Kei said, letting the sentence hang in the air as he side-eyed Tetsurou. 

“Right. I just wanted to check in,” Tetsurou nodded, pushing off the bar to stand up straight. “And to let you know that you're taking my shift until noon tomorrow.”

Morisuke looked absolutely murderous.

“Hah..?” Morisuke asked with a twitch in his brow. Tetsurou grinned and, with strides too big to be normal, began making his way toward the door.

“I have to take Kei and Hitoka to the bakery! You understand, right, Best Business Partner in the World?” Tetsurou asked jovially, though never halting in his strides toward the front door. Kei's eyes widened in alarm when he saw Morisuke reach for a bottle of wine and wind it back over his shoulder, ready to launch the bottle across the bar. He felt a hand suddenly grab hold of his own arm, and then realized he was being hastily pulled out of the bar, the jingle of the bell signaling their exit. His body stiffened considerably as soon as the cold air greeted him again.

“... you're a terrible person,” Kei muttered, letting himself be dragged to Tetsurou's car. Tetsurou finally let go of his arm when they had to split to get inside the car, but he continued to grin.

“Morisuke loves me,” Tetsurou said confidently as he started the engine. 

“What if he doesn't show up tomorrow just to spite you?” Kei asked.

“No way. He'll show,” Tetsurou chuckled, backing out of the parking space. Kei eyed him for a while longer, wondering, again, how Tetsurou could so easily pull others along at his own pace. It was a futile effort, though. It was something indescribable.

Even so, Kei was the furthest thing from amused when Tetsurou stopped the car. Because they were not in front of Tetsurou's apartment building. Instead, they had parallel parked alongside a fence he recognized as the outer boundaries of Crestle Park.

“What are you doing?” Kei asked, fearing the answer. Tetsurou cut off the engine and spun his keyring on one finger.

“Do you remember when all of us got super sick because we spun around like maniacs on the merry-go-round after stuffing our faces at that new ma and pa restaurant?” Tetsurou asked with barely contained glee strumming under his skin. Kei's eyes widened. 

“... not until you just brought it up,” Kei confessed, a smile twitching at the corners of his lips. It wasn't a very pleasant memory. It wasn't a very smart idea. Trying to spin a large chunk of metal as fast as possible with yourself on it after eating was usually not something Kei would consider doing, but with it issued as a challenge, and with this two best friends along for the ride, there was no getting out of it at the time.

He ended up throwing up.

Keiji did too.

Somehow, Tetsurou managed to hold it together, which was entirely unfair, considering he was the one who brought it up in the first place.

“Remember our contract?” Tetsurou continued, letting his keys fall into the palm of his hand with a loud jingle. Yes, Kei remembered that, as well. The day after the incident, the three had come back to the merry-go-round with a sharpie. After making sure no one was around, they'd dropped their backs onto the grass, defacing the underside of the merry-go-round with snickers on their faces. Tetsurou must have realized Kei remembered by his face alone, because he wasn't able to say anything before Tetsurou talked again. “Let's go see if it's still there!”

Kei managed to drop his jaw before Tetsurou was opening the driver's side door and getting out.

“... what?!” Kei hissed, though it was useless. Tetsurou was already shutting the car door, trapping Kei inside. Just the brief moment the door was open sent a shiver through Kei, reminding him of one big reason why he was protesting the idea.

Why now? It was freezing outside!

And..!

Kei hastily threw his gloves on before opening the passenger door.

“Are you kidding me?” Kei asked, watching the way Tetsurou was rocking back and forth on his heels on the sidewalk, clearly waiting for Kei to join him. “The park isn't even open this late!”

“No problem. There's this part in the fence, right down there, where you can slip inside,” Tetsurou said with a grin.

“Tetsurou,” Kei chastised, the name heavy on his tongue. “Now you really are acting like a five-year-old.”

Tetsurou scoffed.

“There's nothing that's changed about this picture,” Tetsurou said with a short laugh. He scrolled over to where Kei was standing. Kei tensed at the closeness, especially when Tetsurou's hand was reaching out...

Kei jumped when Tetsurou shut the passenger door just a little too forcefully, quickly growing embarrassed when a teasing grin ran across Tetsurou's features.

“Jumpy, much?” Tetsurou taunted.

“Fuck you,” Kei grumbled.

“You always resist. And then you end up having fun. So come on,” Tetsurou persuaded. Kei stood his ground and glared.

“Fun. I wouldn't consider throwing up fun,” Kei replied.

“Good thing I don't plan on spinning you around,” Tetsurou said with a sugary sweet smile. Kei's frown grew deeper, but he was momentarily distracted by a rather cold wind whipping through the air. He crossed his arms and shivered. Tetsurou jumped at the distraction, and Kei flinched when Tetsurou's fingers were suddenly slipping the glasses off his face.

“.. Tetsu-!”

“If you want your glasses back, you'll have to follow me!” Tetsurou exclaimed, laughter in his voice. 

“I can't see without those,” Kei sighed, carefully making his way forward. Tetsurou was a fuzzy figure, but he could still follow him, and despite the situation, Kei was pretty sure Tetsurou wouldn't let him walk into a hole or a tree or anything that would do actual harm.

It wasn't until Kei had his glasses returned and they'd crept in under the broken gate that Kei realized he was being dragged into Tetsurou's pace. Again.

Honestly, he was going to start giving up.

“There it is!” Tetsurou exclaimed. The blue merry-go-round was in the same spot it'd always been. Even in the dim light offered by the streetlights surrounding the park, Kei could tell some paint had been chipped off.

“Hurry up and check so we can leave,” Kei replied. He refused to start marching in place, though the thought had crossed his mind, just to get his blood flowing. He also entertained the thought of shoving his ice-cold hands under Tetsurou's shirt to see him jump.

“You're getting down here with me,” Tetsurou claimed, flopping himself to the ground. He scooted his head underneath the hunk of metal, dragging out a small flashlight from a pant's pocket (when did he even get that?) and shining the light on the underneath. 

“It might not even be there anym-”

“Aha!” Tetsurou exclaimed. He'd been gently spinning the merry-go-round around, but now halted it was his hand. “It is still here!”

Kei hesitated for a split second before kneeling to the ground and lying on his back beside Tetsurou. He frowned, knowing there were probably spider webs and who only knows what else underneath the play equipment, but those thoughts were shoved to the side when he laid eyes on the black sharpie.

'Advice: Never eat and spin. TK KA KT'

His attempt to stop a smile was a sad one.

“Unbelievable,” Kei chuckled.

“We should have written it on top,” Tetsurou said.

“Then it definitely wouldn't still be here,” Kei ensured.

“But this is advice that needs to be shared with the world,” Tetsurou argued.

“Next time, you should take the advice before making it a reality,” Kei teased, jabbing an elbow in Tetsurou's side.

“Hm? I wasn't the one who faced the consequences,” Tetsurou challenged, jabbing right back.

“You still felt like shit.”

“Yeah. … I have something to admit. I totally threw up when I got home.”

“... what. You shit. You bragged to us over and over again about how you had a stomach of steel.”

“Duh. Couldn't shatter your perception of me.”

“And what was that?”

“That I was the coolest guy in town.”

“Pff. Can't shatter a perception that never existed.”

“You-”

There was a sudden noise that sounded very much like a throat being cleared. Kei tensed. Unfortunately, the noise must have startled Tetsurou much more, for the raven quickly raised his head, slamming it against the metal above them.

“Ow..! Mother fff-” The rest of the expletive drowned in a groan. Tetsurou brought his hands up to cradle his head, body twisting to the side in shame. Kei snorted a laugh before biting his lip, hard. Even if Tetsurou's pain was comical, Kei knew there shouldn't be anyone else in a closed park this late. Kei carefully slid his head out from under the merry-go-round before sitting up and searching for the source of the voice. 

Dread filled his stomach when he saw a police officer standing at their feet, looking highly unimpressed and shining a flashlight down at their feet. At his side, he heard Tetsurou shuffling to sit up as well.

“Oh. Hey Mr. Irihata,” Tetsurou said with a small wave. He, at least, had the decency to sound sheepish.

“Am I surprised? No,” the police officer, apparently Mr. Irihata, replied with a sigh. “There a reason you two are here trespassing after hours?”

Kei panicked for a moment, thinking Tetsurou would actually tell the truth. It would do no good to add that they'd defaced public property along with trespassed after hours.

“... it's a beautiful night?” Tetsurou said uncertainly. Kei frowned. His fingers were ice. It was far from a beautiful night.

“Right,” Mr. Irihata replied. He dug out a pad of paper and pen from his back pockets. “I'm not even going to ask. Just take these and get out of here. If payment isn't received in three weeks time, you'll be getting a court summons.”

Kei took a moment to process the information. They were being ticketed for being in a park after hours. He didn't even know that was something that happened in small towns like this... though he guessed it was an easy way to make money for the town. He threw another glare at Tetsurou, who quickly avoided his gaze. The sound of paper being ripped brought his attention back to the officer, who was holding out the slips of paper expectantly. Kei stood, brushing off his pants before taking hold of the papers. A quick glance showed they were seventy-five-dollar fines.

“Sorry, sir,” Kei apologized. Mr. Irihata just shook his head.

“Just get out of here,” he said, shaking his flashlight. “I opened the front gate to get in here. Go out that way.”

Kei obediently followed the advice, knowing Tetsurou was right on his heels. It wasn't until they were out of the gates and on the lamplight-covered sidewalk that Kei tossed another glare Tetsurou's way.

“... really?” Kei asked, holding up Tetsurou's ticket. Tetsurou rubbed at the back of his neck, though his lips were still upturned. Kei realized with mortification that his own lips were twitching upward. “REALLY?”

Kei shoved the ticket into Tetsurou's face and Tetsurou sputtered before yanking his face away. Kei allowed it to flutter to the ground before power-walking toward Tetsurou's car.

“Better pick that up if you don't want to go to court!” Kei shouted over his shoulder. 

“Kei, you dick!” Tetsurou shouted back, voice stuttering in laughter. 

“You have no right to insult me!” Kei exclaimed, whirling around when he was standing beside the passenger-side door. “I'm seventy-five dollars poorer and fifty degrees colder and it's all your fault.”

“I'll pay for both fines, I swear,” Tetsurou chuckled, nearing the car. “And if you were really fifty degrees colder, you'd be dead. But I promise I'll warm you up when we get home.”

And oh... that could be taken different ways. Unfortunately, Kei's mind was supplying some inappropriate images that made his numb face flame. 

“Idiot,” Kei mumbled, turning to face the car in an attempt to hide his face from Tetsurou. He tried the door handle, but it didn't budge. “Unlock the damn car.”

“Yes, sir,” Tetsurou replied cheekily. There was a beep, and Kei was able to open the door. As he crouched to get into the car, his cell began chiming. Hitoka's name flashed across the screen and he accepted the call. 

“I'm heeere!” Hitoka sang.

“Glad you made it,” Kei answered. Tetsurou opened the driver door and got in.

“Oh, come on, I know you're pissed at me, but you don't have to pretend to be on the phone,” Tetsurou drawled.

“It's Hitoka. She got to her friend's place,” Kei answered. Tetsurou quickly leaned toward him to yell into the phone.

“Hi Hitoka!” Tetsurou greeted.

“Oh, hi, Tetsurou!” Hitoka answered.

“No. Don't greet him. He's a criminal,” Kei said, eyeing said man. Tetsurou mouthed the word 'stingy' before leaning toward the phone again.

“Oho, but if I'm a criminal, you are too. We both got tickets,” Tetsurou claimed, amusement flashing across his eyes. Kei thought him too close, but understood he was making sure Hitoka heard the conversation. Yet still, the closeness made his heart do little flips.

“... tickets?” Hitoka asked hesitantly through the speaker.

“Tetsurou dragged me in the park after hours. Now we're the lucky winners of seventy-five dollar fines,” Kei sighed.

“... Kei! You got in trouble with the police? Is everything okay?” Hitoka asked, fretting. It was something Kei was very used to. It was in Hitoka's nature to worry over the smallest things. Not that this was particularly small.

“Yeah. Really, it's just a fine. That Tetsurou is paying,” Kei emphasized. Tetsurou made an 'X' over his heart with his finger to solidify his promise.

“Does Akiteru know?” Hitoka squeaked. Kei's eyes widened.

“No, and he's not going to know, right, Hitoka?” Kei said heavily. There was a short silence. “...Hitoka.”

Tetsurou's laugh surprised him.

“Kei and I are adults. We should be allowed to keep a few secrets to ourselves,” Tetsurou said near the phone. He did some weird thing with his eyebrows, and really, Kei had done such a good job today keeping his feelings shoved way down deep, but Tetsurou was really pushing it tonight!

“... are you sure you're an adult?” Hitoka's soft voice filled the car. Both Tetsurou and Kei looked at the phone in shock.

“Whoa, Hitoka!” Tetsurou suddenly yelled. Kei didn't even have a chance to tighten his grip before Tetsurou had snatched the cell right from his hand. “Babe! Where'd the cute, shy girl I used to know go?! You sounded like Kei there!”

“I'm sorry! It was a joke! I shouldn't have said that; that was rude!” Hitoka fretted. Tetsurou laughed the whole way through it.

“Oh, no no no, I can't let this go. Just wait 'till I see you tomorrow,” Tetsurou threatened. Hitoka squeaked on the other end. Kei wanted to come to his sister's defense, but he was too busy laughing behind his hand. Tetsurou seemed to notice his predicament, sending a wide grin his way. “Be there at nine-thirty. Have a good one!”

Tetsurou ended the call and held the cell out to Kei. 

“... I'm so proud of her,” Kei laughed, taking the phone. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Tetsurou said in good humor, starting up the car. “While you and Keiji do boring adult things like getting married and moving to another state to start a career, I'll just stay back here having _fun_.”

Kei leaned back in his seat and looked out of the window as the streetlights passed one by one. 

He couldn't imagine Tetsurou any other way.

When they did make it back to Tetsurou's apartment, Kei was very pleased to get an extra thick blanket and a cup of coffee, as promised. After suffering the cold for the majority of the day, he fell asleep feeling warm.


	6. Breakdown

**Chapter 6**

Kei was warm.

His hazy mind registered this as he slowly roused from sleep. Becoming aware of the weight surrounding his body, he slit his eyes open carefully. He saw a blob of burgundy and had to blink away the blurriness of sleep to bring the blanket into view. It was the same blanket Kuroo had offered him last night, after he froze his ass off and got a seventy-five-dollar ticket for breaking into the park after hours. The mug of coffee he'd been offered still sat on the wooden table in front of Kuroo's couch, which brought on the realization he was still on Tetsurou's couch and not on his extra mattress on the floor of Tetsurou's bedroom.

He must have fallen asleep while watching television with Tetsurou. Blinking, he looked to his right, where he remembered Tetsurou sitting.

A mop of messy, black hair greeted him. Full consciousness finally catching up with him, Kei realized Tetsurou was leaning against him, head on his shoulder. From the rhythmic up and down of his chest, Kei could only assume he was still sleeping.

Oh.

They both must have fallen asleep against each other last night.

Kei was able to stare at Tetsurou's haphazard hairdo a moment longer before heat began creeping up his neck. There was no denying he was more than fine with this predicament, but the thought of Tetsurou waking up and noticing their position made Kei's heart rate pick up. Just how tired had be been, to let himself fall asleep like that?

Kei took a calming breath, wondering what he should do. Selfishly, he wanted to stay in place for as long as possible. He wanted to enjoy the warmth and weight of Tetsurou against his side without the worry of hiding his feelings. The guilty side of him, though, knew he should try to get off the couch, preferably without rousing Tetsurou. That option looked difficult, though, considering how much Tetsurou was leaning on him. If Kei moved, it would surely tousle him awake, or send him tumbling onto the couch. Kei reasoned maybe Tetsurou deserved that after last night, which brought a smirk to his lips.

Cautiously, Kei leaned forward, to get a better view of Tetsurou's face. He still couldn't see very well, just the slope of Tetsurou's nose and his black lashes settling against his cheeks. The smirk on his face softened and turned into something more fond.

Then, the smile dropped off his face all together.

There, on Kuroo's forehead, was a bump. The skin on and around the bump was tinted pink, and if Kei squinted, he could swear it was a little purple in the center. Kei thought back to the previous night, when the officer had surprised them and Tetsurou had hit his head against the underside of the merry-go-round. He must have hit it harder than Kei thought!

Wait, were you supposed to sleep so soon after hitting your head?

Worry overriding his embarrassment, Kei shifted until his arms were released from the blanket's warmth, and he gently shook Tetsurou's body. It took at least three good shakes before Kei felt Tetsurou's body jolt awake.

“Hm?” Tetsurou hummed groggily. He pushed against Kei's body to sit up, blinking profusely. Kei found it cute, in spite of himself.

“You have a knot on your forehead,” Kei blurted. Tetsurou rubbed his eyes and then blinked over at Kei. It took him a moment to look around and place where he was before his eyebrows furrowed.

“Huh?” Tetsurou asked. Kei snorted at the perplexed look, predicting that he'd have to say the words again, but was proven wrong when Tetsurou placed a hand over his forehead. Those dark brown eyes widened as his hand smoothed over the bump. “... I always knew you were mean, but I didn't know you were violent.”

“... you did that to yourself, you ass,” Kei drawled. Tetsurou chuckled, keeping one hand on his forehead and using the other to fling the blanket off of him. 

“For real, though, holy shit, it feels big. Is it as big as it feels?” Tetsurou asked, standing. He made his way around the table and toward the bathroom, no doubt in search of a mirror. Not quite wanting to leave the comfort of the blanket just yet, Kei stayed put.

“It's not huge, but it's noticeable,” Kei called after him. 

“Damn,” Tetsurou's voice filtered from the bathroom. “Do knots usually last a while? Am I going to be mountain-head for the wedding?”

Kei snickered.

“Serves you right,” Kei replied.

“Hmm? What was that? You don't want me to take you to the bakery for strawberry shortcake?” Tetsurou's playful tone rang out. Kei busied himself by taking off his glasses and gently massaging the bridge of his nose. Sleeping with his glasses on was never the most comfortable thing.

“I'd just take Hitoka myself,” Kei said.

“Nope, no way. That girl has to deal with me today,” Tetsurou said as he resurfaced from his room. He was looking upwards, as if he could see his own forehead. “... maybe I can cover it up with my hair? At least partly?”

Kei slid his glasses back on and looked up at Tetsurou.

“It's not terrible,” Kei assured. Yes, it was a definite bump, maybe the size of a quarter, but it did nothing to diminish Tetsurou's looks. Then again, Kei had to remember he was biased on the subject. He figured Tetsurou could wear a paper bag over his head and still somehow manage to be attractive. It was so unfair.

“But now I'm going to be the ugly best man! I'll be standing right next to Keiji, paling in comparison!” Tetsurou exclaimed, throwing his hands up as he made his way into the kitchen. Kei skipped a breath.

“... he asked you to be his best man?” Kei asked. Now that it was in the open, it seemed like a no-brainer. Of course Keiji would ask Tetsurou to be his best man. Who else would fill that spot? But...

“... oh. I didn't realize you didn't know,” Tetsurou said, looking over the bar. His eyebrows creased. “He wasn't sure if you were going to be at the wedding when it all first came about. I hope... you're not mad?”

Kei was thrown off-guard.

“What? No,” Kei said, shaking his head. “I never thought he'd ask me to be his best man.”

Now Tetsurou looked surprised.

“Well, it would only be natural if you still lived here, right?” Tetsurou asked. Kei frowned.

“Over you?” Kei asked skeptically. If Tetsurou's eyebrows raised any higher, they'd become part of his hair.

“Well of course, over me. You two were always the most alike,” Tetsurou said. He smiled with a shrug. “I was the one always dragging you two into trouble.”

Kei clutched his blanket closer to himself. 

“You two were more alike. You two were popular... handsome and talented,” Kei reasoned. “I was the nerd who lived next door.”

His throat felt dry after the words tumbled out. Kei dropped his gaze back down to the burgundy of the blanket, feeling a little confused and a little awkward. He'd held these insecurities about himself for years, but he'd never voiced them to Tetsurou or Keiji. And to think that Tetsurou seemed so sure that, if Keiji had been certain Kei would show up to the wedding (it kind of hurt to think that Keiji would even consider Kei wouldn't want to come, but then again, Kei was the one who up and left) that Kei would be the best man and not him...

“Are you serious?” 

Kei's gaze snapped back up to Tetsurou, unbidden. His chest tightened considerably when he saw that Tetsurou was walking back into the living room, closer to the couch. The look on the raven's face was one that Kei couldn't quite place. It was something pensive, but his eyes were alight with a known amiability that attracted Kei like a moth to a flame. He stopped beside the couch, placing his hands on his hips.

“Okay, obviously we've been looking at this through different perspectives,” Tetsurou said, huffing dramatically. His attitude made some of the tenseness in Kei's shoulders dissipate. “Can we just agree that we made a bad-ass trio and that all of us are awesome?”

Kei sighed, feeling a smile tug at the corner of his lips even as he willed it down.

“I can agree on that, sure,” Kei chuckled. Tetsurou looked satisfied for a moment, but Kei didn't miss the lingering look Tetsurou gave him. He felt like Tetsurou wasn't quite done.

“... you know we care about you, right? Like, a lot?” Tetsurou asked. It was too much to look Tetsurou in the eyes, so Kei dropped his gaze again, fingers fiddling with the blanket. He opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off. “I have to be honest, it really sucked when you left. And I'm not trying to make you feel guilty by saying that; I'm just saying the truth. If you were a nerd, you were our nerd.”

Kei had an intense urge to bring the blanket up in front of his face.

“... that's so sappy,” Kei croaked.

“... it was terribly sappy,” Tetsurou said, his face twisting as if he'd just eaten something sour. Kei managed a laugh.

“Sorry, I just...” Kei trailed off for a moment, collecting his thoughts. “... I wasn't jealous, or anything, about Keiji choosing you as his best man. I was more worried about you. How you felt about it.”

“... oh,” Tetsurou said softly. He suddenly looked uncomfortable, switching his weight from one foot to the other. “Man, don't worry so much about that. It's something I'll deal with.”

That was precisely why Kei had to worry so much about it. Tetsurou's feelings were nothing to laugh at, Kei knew, and he hated seeing Tetsurou hurting.

“Just know that if you ever need to get away, I can make up an excuse for you. Thankfully, you disappearing to do something stupid won't be a far-fetched thing,” Kei offered with a smirk. Tetsurou's face morphed from disbelief to delighted in seconds.

“HA!” Tetsurou guffawed. Kei allowed the dorky, beautiful laugh to wash over him and settle deep into his memory. “And this will only add to the ruse.”

Tetsurou pointed at the bump on his forehead and Kei snorted with mirth. 

“... thanks, Kei,” Tetsurou tacked on, after the laughter had subsided. The words were heartfelt and serious despite the playful mood, and Kei felt his chest swell with endearment. “Back to me being mountain-head, though. I wonder if some kind of make-up would make it less noticeable.”

Tetsurou made his way back into the kitchen as he talked, making a beeline for the fridge.

“... are you seriously that concerned about a bump on your head making you look bad?” Kei asked.

“Well, as you so graciously pointed out earlier, I am a handsome man,” Tetsurou spoke energetically. Kei was happy Tetsurou had his face in the fridge, because heat blossomed on his cheeks. “... and I don't need any abnormalities shadowing that fact.”

“You're ridiculous,” Kei managed. He threw the blanket off of him, feeling too warm. His cell phone lay next to his empty mug on the table, and he just then noticed it was flashing. Leaning over, he snatched it up and checked his messages.

One was from Keiji, supplying the address of the building they would all go to tomorrow to get their suits. 

Another was from Hitoka, saying she was on her way to the bakery. Then another, asking where they were.

Fifteen minutes ago.

In a panic, Kei looked at the clock on his phone, seeing 10:00am staring back at him.

“... it's already ten,” Kei announced.

“What?!” Tetsurou exclaimed, slamming down the cup he'd just gotten out from the cabinet. Kei jumped up off the couch and called Hitoka, his cell haphazardly stuck between his ear and his shoulder as he slammed Tetsurou's bedroom door shut.

\---

“You're not going to have much time to eat and get to work on time,” Kei said as Tetsurou and he shuffled down the sidewalk. They were just a block away from the bakery.

“Yeah, I know,” Tetsurou groaned. “Morisuke won't mind if I'm a little late.”

“Somehow, I don't believe you,” Kei said. Tetsurou flashed him a smile. Kei gave a wry one back before opening the door to the bakery, letting Kuroo walk through first. Kei hurriedly walked in after him, feeling the chill of the morning seeping into his cheeks.

Seeing Hitoka sitting at one of the tables was expected. 

Seeing Akiteru sitting across from her was not.

“Hi, Kei!” Hitoka greeted, cheerfully enough, though he could sense a nervousness behind her words. Kei wasn't sure if it was because of Tetsurou's threat last night, or the fact Akiteru was joining them and Hitoka hadn't informed him.

Probably both.

“What are you doing here?” Kei asked bluntly, staring at Akiteru.

“Keeping our sister company while she waits for her two late guests,” Akiteru replied smoothly, looking very comfortable in his chair.

“Well, good morning,” Tetsurou said politely, before he zoned his stare in on Hitoka. “And you, missy-”

Hitoka 'eeped', leaning further away from him. Tetsurou ended up laughing and placing a hand on her head, ruffling her hair.

“H- hey!” Hitoka whined, running her hands through her mused hair when he was done. Kei took a cautious seat next to Akiteru, not wanting Tetsurou to sit next to him. He eyed Akiteru from the side, but his brother wasn't acknowledging the motion, looking at the menu instead.

“Sorry that we're late,” Tetsurou apologized, taking a seat next to Hitoka. “We fell asleep watching TV last night and didn't set an alarm.”

“Tetsurou has to go to work soon, so we should go ahead and order,” Kei said. 

“They have a funnel cake with strawberry drizzle now. It's new,” Akiteru said, leaning closer to Kei and pointing at the menu. Kei's interest was piqued.

“Sounds right up his alley,” Tetsurou chuckled, snatching a menu up for himself. That was the first time Akiteru had properly looked at Tetsurou since he walked in, and his eyes lingered.

“... what happened to your head?” Akiteru asked. Tetsurou groaned.

“See, Kei, it does stand out!” Tetsurou exclaimed. 

“Your fault,” Kei said in amusement.

“Hitoka! You wear make-up. Do you think make-up would make it less noticeable?” Tetsurou asked with a pout. Hitoka looked up at it cautiously.

“... I'm not sure. Maybe to cover the pinkness, but you can't do much about the actual bump,” Hitoka replied. Her eyes widened. “... the police didn't do this to you, did they!?”

Kei wanted to bang his head on the table.

“... police?” Akiteru questioned. Realizing her mistake, Hitoka grew more frantic. Seeing no way out of the situation, Kei explained what happened last night to a frowning Akiteru. In the end, he sighed. “Still acting like teenagers.”

Kei saw the offense in Tetsurou's eyes, but the raven didn't breathe a word about the topic. Even though the food was good, very good, the atmosphere seemed a little too tense for Kei to fully enjoy it. Thankfully Hitoka remained fairly oblivious, happily answering questions aimed at her about her time at college.

Tetsurou's time ended quickly.

“Feel free to stop by the bar,” Tetsurou said to Kei as his farewell.

“See you,” Kei replied, watching as Tetsurou walked out of the bakery and out of sight. He immediately turned a glare at Akiteru.

“Why did you come?” Kei asked.

“Why not?” Akiteru answered.

“Because you knew Tetsurou would be here, and you don't like him. You just made him uncomfortable the whole time,” Kei hissed, displeased.

“You staying with him makes me uncomfortable, but I can't do anything about that, can I?” Akiteru answered.

“You're right. You can't. Because Tetsurou is one of my best friends, whether you approve it or not,” Kei said. 

“A best friend shouldn't be getting you in trouble with the law. He shouldn't have the reputation of a delinquent, be running a low-life bar, or leaving your sister by herself for over half an hour,” Akiteru argued. “You let him get away with whatever he wants because of your little crush on him, and it's sad.”

Kei felt his mouth drop open. He flicked his gaze over to Hitoka, who was staring at them with wide eyes. His blood boiled as he snapped his eyes back to Akiteru.

“You're an asshole,” Kei hissed, standing up so quickly that his chair legs scraped the floor. “You don't even know him like I do. You just judge him on face-value. But you'll be very fucking happy to know he's in love with someone else, and that your little brother doesn't have a chance with the 'delinquent' anyway.”

He didn't bother pushing his chair in as he stalked through the bakery.

“.. ah, Kei!” He heard Hitoka's voice behind him, but didn't stop. There was white noise in his ears, wetness in his eyes, and so much blood rushing through his veins that he didn't even notice the cold on the walk back to Tetsurou's apartment.

He couldn't get rid of the guilt.

No matter which way he turned, he was either guilty for his jealousy toward Keiji, or guilty for being a coward and leaving his two closest friends behind, or guilty for having feelings for Tetsurou in the first place. No matter which way he turned, he was disappointing somebody. No matter which way he turned, he was always second-guessing himself.

He was _tired_. 

And what he hated, more than anything, was curling up on Tetsurou's couch, hiding himself away from the world with that burgundy blanket he'd woken up in this morning, with tears falling on the arm of the couch, and wishing, above all else, despite everything, that Tetsurou was there with him.


	7. Exposure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, this is short, but this chapter and I came to blows several times.

**Chapter 7**

Kei wasn't sure what he was trying to accomplish, but after pulling himself off of Tetsurou's couch, he found himself standing in front of Keishin's Billiards and Bowling. He hesitated, taking in the familiar sights of his childhood, until a loud honk from behind him startled him out of his reverie. Tossing a look over his shoulder, he saw a group of teenagers eagerly waving to a passing car, and frowned before opening the door. 

The place was dead, save for one elderly man in the middle of a solo game, and Keishin, looking about ready to fall asleep at the counter. In fact, Kei made it all the way to the counter without being noticed, Keishin using his fist as a pillow and angled away from where Kei stood. 

Kei made the executive decision to slam his fist on the counter.

Keishin's body jerked, his head falling dangerously off his fist before whipping Kei's way. 

“... fucker,” Keishin hissed. He must not have liked Kei's answering smirk, because he grabbed the pack of cigarettes lying next to him and chucked them at Kei. The package, empty, Kei mused, hit his chest harmlessly and fell to his feet.

“Give me an hour on the pool table,” Kei said, fishing in his pocket for his wallet. Keishin sighed as if his job was painful and lazily punched in the cost on his register.

“Where are the other two?” Keishin asked, taking Kei's money and placing it into his drawer. 

“Work, I guess,” Kei said with a shrug. He waited as Keishin retrieved the rack and balls from beneath the counter. Gaze flickering down to the rumpled cigarette pack on the floor, he bent down to pick it up, putting it back on the counter. Keishin slid the rack and balls over before grabbing the pack and tossing it in the garbage can behind the counter.

“Ah, yes. Even when you come into town for a visit, life doesn't stop, huh?” Keishin acknowledged, resting his head back against his fist. “How much longer you here for?”

Kei let his hands rest on plastic encasing his purchase, fingers tracing the smooth edge.

“The wedding is the day after tomorrow. I'm leaving the day after,” Kei answered. Even as the words came from his own mouth, they sent an unexpected wave of anxiety down the length of his body. He essentially had only three days left before he returned to that home-but-not-home back in Virginia. All at once, it seemed like too short of a time. It seemed fake. Being back in Crestle was giving him a false impression that he'd never left in the first place.. that he'd never spent four years away from everything he'd ever known because of his selfish inability to face his feelings. 

In three days, he'd be leaving Keiji and Tetsurou, again.

“Well, try to stay out of trouble while you're here,” Keishin said.

“... already got a seventy-five-dollar fine from a cop,” Kei answered. Keishin looked at him evenly, unblinking.

“... don't even want to know,” Keishin responded. With the tiniest of smiles at the corners of his lips, Kei picked up the rack and balls. He took a step away from the counter and hesitated.

“... thanks. For putting up with us as idiot teenagers,” Kei said, just a tad uncomfortably. Keishin's eyebrows perked up.

“Nothing much has changed,” Keishin drawled. Kei snorted, accepting the answer, before making his way to the billiards tables. He realized Keishin was right. Nothing much had changed. Despite his disappearance, he was able to come back and settle back in to everyone's life like there hadn't been a large gap of time. It was amazing, really. How lucky did he have to be to experience something like that... to have people in his life who would welcome him regardless of the fact life moved on?

And they were the exact same people he had been willing to leave behind.

When Kei hit the cue ball, it was with enough force to send the white sphere jumping off the table before pathetically hitting the side of the racked balls. He thought of Tetsurou and Keiji.. the three of them goofing off in this very room as teenagers. He thought of Tetsurou and himself in this very room just a couple days ago. He thought of the little white lie he'd told so Keiji wouldn't join them.

He thought of how terrible of a friend he was.

In a burst of inspiration that sent his limbs in motion, Kei jumped up to sit on the billiard table and whipped out his cell phone. Each movement was quick and proficient; he wasn't going to let himself rethink this. Resolutely ignoring the way his hands were shaking, he punched in Keiji's number and held the cell to his ear. He didn't even realize he wasn't breathing until someone picked up.

“Hello?” Keiji's voice filtered through the phone. Kei swallowed around the lump in his throat. He could do this.

“Can I talk to you?” Kei asked, closing his eyes. He felt nauseous. 

“.. I have work in twenty minutes, but..” Keiji replied, trailing off. Kei felt his heart sink. Maybe this wasn't the time. “Are you okay?”

“No,” Kei said, quick and truthful. He was sure, in the short silence that followed, that Keiji was surprised by such a blunt answer. Not because it was blunt, but because it wasn't a common thing for Kei to admit.

“What do you mean, no? Are you hurt?” Keiji asked, voice growing insistent. Even as his stomach turned, Kei found himself smiling at the blatant concern.

“Physically, I'm fine,” Kei said. His fingers griped at the edge of the pool table, trying to will his stomach from twisting his insides into a jumbled mess. “I'm really sorry to do this before your wedding, but I feel like I'm going to go crazy if I don't get some things off my chest right now, so can... can you just listen? For a minute? I promise I won't take too much of your time, I just...”

Kei trailed off, pursing his lips together tightly in defiance of the familiar sting making itself known in the backs of his eyes. He was glad he was facing away from Keishin, because he didn't want the man noticing his distress.

“Of course,” Keiji said, like there wasn't even another option. It reminded Kei of all the times Keiji had stood by his side in junior high and high school, social status be damned. Keiji was something special, and his mom was completely right. Koutarou was lucky as hell to receive his love. It also reminded Kei that, no matter what he decided to spill right now, he would take Tetsurou's feelings to the grave.

“I'm sorry for leaving Crestle,” Kei began, trying to sort through his thoughts. His heart was pounding at the mere thought of releasing his doubts and insecurities to someone he looked up to so much. 

“... you got a job offer you wanted and took it. That's nothing to be sorry for,” Keiji said. The way he said it... it was almost like he'd known this conversation was going to come up. Kei both adored and loathed how easily Keiji could read him.

“It is,” Kei bit, hiking up his shoulders. “I work with web design; I can do that anywhere. I was just scared. So I ran. I ran away and compromised the friendship of my two best friends because I couldn't get my own shit together and I hate myself for it. And I'm sorry for it. I hate that... you thought... even for a second... that I may not show up to your wedding. But I don't blame you because.. I'm the one who didn't even visit in four years.”

Kei took in a shaky breath and released it, feeling the tears pool along the edge of his eyes, angry that he couldn't seem to stop them.

“And then, while I'm feeling like shit because of how I've treated you and Tetsurou, Akiteru is on my case about being friends with Tetsurou in the first place. Treating him like he's some good-for-nothing when he _knows_ -” 

Kei bit down on his lower lip, hard, as the tears finally spilled. He took another deep breath before working his mouth open again.

“He knows how much I care about him. He knows that I've been in love with him since junior high. He knows it was the deciding factor to move away, and I realize now, how stupid that was, because it was so selfish and cowardly. So, I just need to tell you that I'm sorry, Keiji, before I up and leave you guys again, for being so caught up in my own insecurities that I was willing to cut off relationships of the people closest to me,” Kei spoke with a heavy heart. He stubbornly slipped his fingers beneath his glasses and wiped the tears away from his eyes and cheeks, staring holes into the stupidly ugly carpet of Keishin's place. “Also, you completely suck for making me stay with him while I'm here.”

Kei hoped he'd managed to make that last part sound somewhat lighthearted, even though it sounded miserable to his own ears. He wiped the wetness from his tears on his jeans and tried to sniffle softly, as to not alert anyone of his current state. Realizing his hand hurt, he loosened his hold on the cell phone.

“... where are you right now?” Keiji asked. Kei began shaking his head, even if he knew Keiji couldn't see it.

“Nowhere. You have to go to work. I just... needed to get that off my chest,” Kei sighed, slipping his glasses off and rubbing his eyes again. Crying twice in a single day... he felt completely drained and pathetic.

“I can call off,” Keiji replied. Kei sighed and stubbornly didn't reply. “... if nothing else, you need to understand that you never compromised your friendship with me. Or Tetsurou. We'll love you no matter where you go or what you do, because friendship isn't just about the good things. It includes seeing people at their worst and helping them through it. We all make stupid mistakes, Kei. We all have regrets. But the friendship I have with you will never be one of those regrets. Go kill someone; I'll bury the body.”

A startled laugh escaped Kei's lips, and he quickly slapped his hand over his mouth.

“... and for the record, I'm sorry, too. For not realizing how badly this was hurting you,” Keiji continued.

“You weren't supposed to,” Kei said.

“See what happens when you bottle everything up?” Keiji asked, in that sort of 'mom' tone that made an unwilling smile roll across Kei's lips again. “... and what about Tetsurou?”

The smile vanished.

“I don't care if I'm bottling things up. He can't know,” Kei said firmly.

“... but, since junior high? Are you really okay with him not knowing?” Keiji prompted.

“It's better this way. He's already got someone special to him, and it's not me,” Kei said, wincing as soon as the words left his lips.

“Tetsurou does?” Keiji asked, his tone laced with surprise. 

_Stupid!_ Kei called himself in his own head.

“Yes,” Kei said in a rush. “I just... it makes me so angry when Akiteru judges him the way he does. Tetsurou is... well, you know.”

Kei trailed off, sheepishly, leaving it at that. He wasn't about to go bragging about Tetsurou's good points right after admitting he'd been harboring feelings for the guy for years. Anyway, Keiji knew Tetsurou well and would understand what he was getting at.

“A really good guy who is a little too impulsive for his own good, yeah,” Keiji said with a chuckle. “... you know, are you completely sure? Now I can't help but think you two would make a good couple.”

Kei felt his entire body warm up at a rapid pace.

“ _No_ ,” Kei said in a strangled voice.

“'No', you aren't sure?” Keiji's teasing voice flowed through the speaker.

“I take it all back. I hate you,” Kei whined, dropping his head and willing his body to stop being on fire.

“I love you too,” Keiji replied cheekily. “I really do. And I certainly wouldn't mind if you happened to wander back to Crestle one day.”

The words rang loudly in Kei's mind.

“But for now, as long as you're okay, I need to go,” Keiji continued. 

“Oh... yeah, I'm okay. … thanks,” Kei said gratefully, taking a deep breath. 

“I'll see you tomorrow, Kei.”

“Yeah. See you.”

Kei hit the end button and stared at the phone. Taking another deep breath, he tried to come to terms with everything that he'd just admitted. After slipping his cell phone back into his pocket, he picked up his glasses and slid them back on top of his ears. He hopped off the pool table, turning around to grasp the pool stick he'd leaned next to him before the call.

Seeing a shock of blonde hair, his fingertips barely brushed the stick and sent it falling to the floor. Hitoka was standing at the far billiards table, looking hesitant to come any closer. Upon being noticed, she slapped her hands together in front of her body and rocked on her heels.

“... I was worried about you. You used to come here a lot, so I tried it...” Hitoka said sheepishly. Kei brought a hand to his forehead to massage circles into it.

“... you've been here a while,” Kei sighed.

“... for a little bit, yeah,” Hitoka admitted, fiddling with her fingers. Kei took another deep breath (it seemed like he needed a lot of them lately) and leaned down to pick up the pool stick that had fallen.

“At least it wasn't Tetsurou, or something as cliché as that,” Kei drawled, even as his heart beat rapidly at the mere thought. Kei reminded himself Hitoka already knew of his hidden feelings for the raven, thanks to Akiteru being a jerk and calling him out on it in front of her. It was still unnerving to know his sister had seen him cry.

“Mhm..” Hitoka replied with a nod. She walked closer, until she was a couple feet away, and held out her arms wide. Kei's eyebrows raised. “... I never did get much of a greeting from you. I've missed you, too.”

And, God, when would Kei stop feeling like an _asshole_...?

He bent down and wrapped his arms around his little sister, giving her a tight hug. 

“Yeah. Missed you too.”

Somehow, he felt the hug was more for him than it was for her.


	8. What Do You Regret?

**Chapter 8**

Spending time with Hitoka was a refreshing break from the emotional strain Kei'd found himself in. She didn't prod at him for information, choosing, instead, to fill him in on what she'd been up to since she left for college and pout at the pool table when she'd miss a shot. She wasn't a very good billiards player, but Kei admitted she didn't have near as much practice as him, either. It was fairly late when they left the bowling alley and Kei didn't say anything when she walked huddled at his side. Neither of them had ever been good with cold weather.

“I'll see you at the wedding. Be careful driving,” Kei said as they approached her car. The light green Volkswagen bug was parked adjacent to the bowling alley, windows lightly fogged in the moist air. Hitoka shuffled away from him and blew a white cloud of warm air into her cupped hands.

“You sure you don't want me to give you a ride?” Hitoka asked, rubbing those hands together. With the cold biting into his cheeks, Kei was tempted.

“No. It's fine. I want to walk,” Kei denied. Hitoka's nose scrunched up, her big eyes glistening in a way Kei was very familiar with. He frowned and laid his hand on her head, ruffling her locks and ignoring her protests while doing so. “Stop worrying.”

“Never,” Hitoka replied, sticking out her tongue. A strand of hair was flipped out of place, lying messily over forehead, and Kei couldn't help the surge of affection that trickled across his chest. Her playful demeanor soon faded, leaving her poking her fingers together. “... m'sorry about my slip up earlier.”

“... not your fault Akiteru decided to be an asshole,” Kei sighed.

“You'll talk to him, right?” Hitoka asked, hopeful. Kei really didn't want to, but he knew saying so would just worry Hitoka more.

“That's inevitable,” Kei said. Akiteru was going to the wedding, after all. A small 'oof' left Kei's lips when Hitoka suddenly launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug before letting go.

“Bye!” Hitoka bid farewell with a wave before slipping into her car. Kei slowly rotated his arms as he watched her start her engine. For such a small girl, she had quite a strong grip.

By the time Kei was opening Tetsurou's apartment door, he was regretting not accepting the ride. His body dragged, limbs and mind tired. Memories of getting ready for bed were hazy, at best. The last thing he did remember before drifting into slumber was glancing at the time and inwardly apologizing to Tetsurou for not staying awake long enough to see him come home from work.

\---

“Hey, sleepy-head.”

Kei felt something insistently poking his forehead. He knit his brows together at the feeling, growing increasingly annoyed with every jab. In an attempt to get away from the feeling, he turned his face and buried it into the pillow. 

There was a snort, and the same absolutely infuriating prodding started digging into his cheek instead.

“Go away,” Kei mumbled into the pillow, hugging his arm more tightly around it for good measure.

“No can do,” Tetsurou trilled. “You. Me. Akaashi. We're getting suited up in an hour.”

It took a moment for Kei's brain to get up to speed. It was the day before the wedding, which meant they had to go get their suits. Realizing this, Kei turned his face out of the pillow and cracked one eye open to look up at Tetsurou.

Who, bless Kei's poor, yearning heart, was shirtless and looking way too amused. Even if he was blurry, the effect remained the same.

 _Why_ was his best friend so damn attractive?

“Put on a shirt,” Kei muttered before burying his face into the pillow again. Tetsurou barked a laugh.

“Jealous of these guns?” Tetsurou asked. Kei didn't have to leave the comforting softness of his face coffin to know the raven was flexing like an idiot. “For real, though, what'd you do yesterday? You didn't stop by the bar at all, and you were already asleep when I got home.”

At the mention of yesterday, Kei felt his shoulders tense.

Oh, God.

He was going to see Akaashi, face-to-face, for the first time since he'd spilled his guts. 

Since he'd admitted how he felt about Tetsurou.

It was suddenly too hot with his face stuffed in the pillow.

“Keishin's. With Hitoka,” Kei answered, pushing himself to sit up. He snatched his glasses and put them on, making a conscious effort not to look Tetsurou's way.

“And that's what made you conk out before ten thirty? You're already an old man, Kei,” Tetsurou replied. Kei had no reply to that, shuffling out of bed and into the bathroom and away from the source of the butterflies in his stomach. In the safe haven of a closed-off bathroom, he allowed himself to take a deep breath and run his hands over his warmed cheeks. A certain feeling of anxiety thrummed along his skin, one born from finally spilling his guts out. Crying on the pool table almost felt like a fever dream; hazy and unrealistic. It was this kind of feeling, this panic over what could be, that made him run away four years ago. 

There wasn't going to be any running away this time.

With that thought, both empowering and terrifying, Kei prepared himself to face Keiji.

\---

Getting fitted for their suits the day before the wedding probably should have rang some warning bells. Kei trusted Keiji, however, so when the raven told him this venue could be trusted with his non-existent newborn child, Kei thought nothing of it.

Now, walking through the front door with Tetsurou steps behind, the issue sprang itself to the front of Kei's mind. What would happen if the pant legs weren't long enough? Kei was a tall and lanky kind of guy; those things happened a lot. What if the seam underneath the arm was too tight and he couldn't lift his hands above his head? He'd owned a jacket like that once... one that had been otherwise perfect, so he'd been too stubborn to toss it, but that one feature always annoyed him to pieces.

Or maybe he was just trying to overload his mind with pointless little thoughts to distract himself from Keiji turning to look at them upon their arrival. 

Speaking of, those sharp green eyes were now settled on him. Familiar, yet not, because now there was a certain glint in them. It was a glint that screamed he knew too much.

Or maybe Kei was totally exaggerating because his stomach was doing flips.

“And here are the guests of honor,” Keiji announced with a smile. There was a petite woman standing next to him, hands clasped in front of her body and a welcoming smile of her own running across scarlet lips. 

“Says the one getting married,” Tetsurou piped in.

“Hi, I'm Tomoe. It's nice to meet you both,” the petite woman spoke up, taking a few steps to shake Kei's hand.

“Pleasure,” Tetsurou said with an easy charm as he returned the handshake. “Heard you're the one who's going to get me on the cover of Sexiest Man Alive.”

Kei snorted and Tomoe let out an amused laugh, tossing a look over her shoulder at Keiji.

“I can tell this one's a handful,” Tomoe joked.

“Only sometimes,” Keiji teased, to which Tetsurou winked.

“Well, I don't know if I can promise the cover of Sexiest Man Alive, but I have your tailored suits right here. Feel free to use these dressing rooms and let me know if any adjustments need to be made,” Tomoe explained. She handed them both a pile of clothes, which Kei took with a muttered thanks. As he made his way to the dressing rooms, he saw Tomoe talking with Keiji before handing him his own set of clothes. Kei's eyes lingered on Keiji for a moment, wondering if the other would choose not to even bring up his meltdown. As Kei got dressed, he pondered whether that would bother him or not.

The suit fit perfectly, as Keiji had said it would. 

In the split second after he'd unlocked his own dressing room, he heard the one next to him unlock as well. Stepping out, he looked over at Tetsurou, who was grinning widely and looking terribly handsome in his suit. The suits were identical, but Kei thought Tetsurou's dark hair and tanned skin made it look much better than his own.

“I feel really damn fancy,” Tetsurou stated, lifting his arms and doing a spin for Kei. Kei smirked.

“Does it fit well?” Kei asked.

“Like a dream,” Tetsurou agreed with a nod. He lifted his hands to fiddle with his bow tie, squaring his shoulders and tilting his chin upward, milking it for all it was worth. Kei was highly amused.

“Note to self: suits give you an even bigger head. Never again,” Kei drawled. 

“The world needs to see me in suits, Kei,” Tetsurou admonished, spreading his arms again. When he finally put them down, he roved his eyes up Kei's form. “Looks good on you, too. We just may steal all of Keiji's spotlight. I feel bad.”

Kei felt a flush of warmth at the compliment, even as he scoffed. Keiji was beautiful; Kei highly doubted they'd be stealing any spotlight. Tetsurou took a seat on a cushioned bench, observing the way the slacks slid up. His face was easy to read; he didn't care for how high the slacks came up when he sat down. Then he perked his head up and roamed his eyes around the venue.

“Where'd Keiji go, anyway?” Tetsurou asked.

“I think he's changing, too,” Kei answered, taking a seat next to Tetsurou. A customer walked into the venue, then, one with blond hair that made Akiteru flash across Kei's thoughts. He frowned. “... I never said sorry about Akiteru, by the way.”

Tetsurou turned his head with raised eyebrows, acknowledging the statement, before waving his hand in the air.

“You know you don't need to apologize for that. He's the overprotective brother; I get it,” Tetsurou said in good nature. It didn't settle right.

“Then maybe it bothers me more than it bothers you,” Kei replied. At Tetsurou's curious stare, Kei broke eye contact. “I'm tired of him acting like you're some fuck-up that you aren't.”

“... whoa,” Tetsurou said, and it was the soft nudge from Tetsurou's shoulder that forced his eyes back up to Tetsurou. He was smiling, though it was a cautious one. “Don't suddenly unload serious stuff on me in the morning.”

Kei couldn't read him, not entirely. Clearly, he was deflecting, bringing humor into the situation as he normally did. Was it because he didn't want to talk about it? And if he didn't, was it because Akiteru's words actually had an effect on him or because he really didn't care what Akiteru thought?

Kei didn't get to venture into that line of thought, though, because there were voices, and suddenly Tomoe was standing next to Keiji in front of the mirrors, and Tetsurou's gaze was captured.

Tomoe was gushing, her voice loud despite how small she looked next to Keiji. Typical flattery of a salesman was falling out from between her red lips, and Keiji looked to be half listening, staring in the mirror and adjusting his tie.

Everything was black. From the shoes, to the slacks, to the button-up, to the vest, to the jacket, everything was dark as night and fitted to every corner and edge of Keiji's body. He made it look elegant, and when he made eye contact with Kei through the mirror, he spun around with an excitable grin.

“So?” Keiji asked, seeking approval. Kei couldn't help but smile at the obvious joy vibrating through Keiji's body. If Keiji was this excited, he couldn't even imagine the ever-so-excitable Koutarou seeing his fiance walk down the aisle wearing this suit.

“It looks great,” Kei said honestly.

“... it does,” Tetsurou agreed next to him. Tomoe once again took Keiji's attention and Kei glanced over at Tetsurou.

He was bent over, an elbow rested on his upper leg and chin rested in his hand, covering his mouth. It was meant to hide his expression, surely, but his dark brown eyes staring longingly at Keiji was all Kei needed to see. 

Tetsurou was probably more affected by this than he thought he'd be.

It made Kei's chest tighten for a multitude of reasons.

He felt his hand twitch, a need to comfort his best friend running strong in his veins. Would it be weird, to rest his hand on Tetsurou's leg? Would Tetsurou be mad? Weirded out? Would others notice? Would it give insight to Kei's own feelings?

Ever a coward, Kei clenched his fist and kept it at his side.

“I'm going to get out of this suit,” Tetsurou finally said, standing to do just that.

“... me too,” Kei agreed, though he was sure it was lost to deaf ears as Tetsurou shut himself in his dressing room. It took Keiji's stare to make him realize he was standing hesitantly in front of his own dressing room, gazing at where Tetsurou had just disappeared. Heat licking its way up the back of his neck, Kei hurriedly shut himself up in his own dressing room.

When he resurfaced, he saw Keiji sitting on the bench Tetsurou and himself had occupied just moments before, still in his suit and scrolling through his phone. Tomoe was chatting with another customer, the one who'd reminded him of Akiteru, and Tetsurou was nowhere to be seen. Keiji looked up from his phone, and Kei tensed all over again.

“Hey,” was all Keiji offered. 

“Hey,” Kei replied. He laid his suit down on the unoccupied side of the bench. “You were right. Everything fits great.”

“Tomoe will chastise you as soon as she sees that lying there,” Keiji warned, gesturing to the suit he'd just laid down. “Hang it up over there.”

Doing as he was told, Kei shuffled over and hung it up before returning to Keiji's side, subtly glancing around the venue again.

“Shouldn't she chastise you? Why are you still wearing yours?” Kei asked. Keiji waved his cell phone.

“I took a picture so Koutarou could see it.”

“Isn't that kind of thing supposed to be a secret?”

“We're not really traditional,” Keiji said. Suddenly, he smirked. “If you're looking for Tetsurou, he went outside to take a phone call.”

Kei snapped his eyes back to Keiji, embarrassed at his obvious searching.

“Wow, you're actually red,” Keiji teased with a chuckle. Which, really, just made it worse.

“Shut up,” Kei hissed.

“... are you okay?” Keiji asked, more subdued. Kei was most definitely not willing to face another emotional catastrophe this soon. 

“Fine,” Kei said curtly. “Better. I'm just... going to talk to Tetsurou.”

Keiji raised an eyebrow, his eyes sharp.

“... did something happ-”

“No!” Kei hissed, stiffly making his way to the front doors. Lord, he was making a fool out of himself by getting this worked up. It was just... different, knowing that Keiji knew. Having it out in the open when he swore he'd never act on his feelings.

It was nerve-wracking.

The moment he opened the door, he cursed himself for not thinking to grab his coat, but there was no way he was going to go back. Bracing himself against the cold and thankful he was at least wearing a long-sleeved shirt, he made his way out on the sidewalk. Tetsurou was easy to spot, leaning against the building with one foot up on the brick. There was no cell phone in his hand, though. Rather, there was a cigarette between two fingers and two lips, the tip burning brightly when he sucked in. A frown settling on his lips, Kei walked over and leaned against the wall next to him. He said nothing, thinking there were no words that could be said to change anything or make it better. He just hoped Tetsurou would understand his attempt at support.

The cigarette was near the end of its life, and Tetsurou flicked it, sending ashes to the cold concrete below.

“I'm fine,” Tetsurou stated. Kei let out a short sigh.

“The cigarette kinda gives you away,” Kei replied. Tetsurou took one final drag, a wry smile wrapped around the cigarette, before tossing it to the ground. He blew out a long puff of smoke and smashed the butt with the bottom of his shoe. Kei expected him to head back inside, but instead, the raven leaned back against the wall, stuffing his hands in his pockets and staring ahead at nothing. 

Kei stayed, too.

“Can I just admit something, before this wedding happens?” Tetsurou muttered, the words meant for Kei and him alone, despite the cars driving by and the occasional pedestrian roaming the lines of stores. Kei unconsciously leaned closer, as if assuring it was between them. “I regret not telling him. Even if there was never any possible way for Keiji to return my feelings, I feel like I should have said something.”

Kei felt a shiver run up his spine and was certain it wasn't from the cold.

“... there's still time,” Kei said softly, swallowing the lump in his throat. 

“And ruin that pretty smile of his for his wedding?” Tetsurou asked rhetorically, shaking his head. “I can't do that.”

Kei tucked his chin closer to his body, wanting to curl in on himself. More than it hurt to hear Tetsurou talk about Keiji like he was something to adore, it hurt because Kei understood so painfully and clearly, exactly what Tetsurou was feeling. It was a feeling that clawed at his chest and made his throat dry. Even so, Kei opened his mouth, trying to force something out of that parched throat.

“Tet-”

Tetsurou suddenly swung himself off the wall and slapped the palms of his hands on his cheeks. Kei actually jumped at the sound.

“Alright,” Tetsurou said, strangely determined. “Keiji's going to start worrying if we stay out here too long. Thank you, for coming out here.”

Whatever Kei was about to say (what _was_ he about to say..?) was washed away with a long exhale. 

“.. alright,” Kei agreed, pushing himself off the wall. He walked back into the venue with Tetsurou, joining Keiji and paying for their suits. 

They went on about their day, having lunch and dropping by the rented building for the wedding, helping set things up. They met up with Koutarou there, and Kei was introduced to every one of his siblings. They ended up stealing a slice of the wedding cake prematurely and taking bites to marvel at the taste.

All the while, Kei held the words Tetsurou had spoken after his cigarette close to him, even as he walked home with Tetsurou alongside a setting sun.

_“I regret not telling him.”_

\---

It was after a shower that Kei emerged from Tetsurou's bathroom with a towel around his neck. There was a sense of deja vu that hit him when he realized the apartment was deathly silent. When he saw that the television had been turned off and the front door was unlocked, Kei sighed, toweling his hair off the best he could and slipping into a jacket before venturing out into the chill of the night. 

Tetsurou was exactly where Kei thought he'd be, leaning against the railing and smoking a cigarette.

“I'm going to flush those things,” Kei threatened, standing beside him.

“Can't flush 'em if you aren't here,” Tetsurou replied. It wasn't meant to be malicious, Kei knew, but still, he flinched.

Right. He was going back to Virginia the day after tomorrow.

“You know, the more I think about it, the more I realize Akiteru is right,” Tetsurou continued. Kei's eyebrows furrowed, growing defensive in the span of seconds, and Tetsurou quickly added, “to a certain extent.”

“... what do you mean?” Kei asked suspiciously. Tetsurou took a drag of his cigarette and let out a breath, leaning more heavily against the railing.

“I don't know... I guess I... feel a little like I'm being left behind,” Tetsurou explained, deepening Kei's confusion. “Keiji and you are... being adults. Getting things accomplished. You moved away from the town you grew up in and started a career. Keiji's up and getting married. And I'm still... here. Running a shabby little bar and stirring up trouble.”

Kei was glad Tetsurou wasn't looking at him, so he couldn't see his open-mouthed stare. Gobsmacked was saying it lightly... Kei was having a little trouble processing what Tetsurou was saying. Because how could Tetsurou think he was the one being left behind... when Kei had felt that way his whole life. Tetsurou and Keiji were the successful ones, the daring ones, the social ones, the good-looking ones... to hear that Tetsurou felt like Kei and Keiji were leaving him behind was... wrong.

“... a tech job and getting married aren't exactly Nobel-worthy accomplishments,” Kei drawled, after his initial shock. Tetsurou gave a little laugh.

“Still,” Tetsurou insisted. Kei ran his thumbs over the metal railing restlessly.

“... I'm sorry for leaving,” Kei said. Even more, now that he knew it made Tetsurou feel left behind. But Tetsurou shook his head.

“It's nothing you have to be sorry for. But, you could afford to visit a little more often than every four years,” Tetsurou said with a nudge of his elbow. Kei couldn't bring himself to nudge back or even smile. The more the situation settled in his head, the more he felt like laughing. He'd obsessed over the great differences between Tetsurou and himself his whole life, obsessed over how well Keiji and Tetsurou fit together his whole life, but...

“Maybe you and I are the most alike after all,” Kei said sardonically. The tone of voice caught Tetsurou's attention, because he looked over. Their eyes met for a moment that was a tad too long, before Kei broke the connection and skirted his gaze over the parked cars below. “Both really talented at hiding our feelings and holding onto major regrets.”

It burned to say the words. 

“Hmm,” Tetsurou hummed next to him. Kei still refused to look over, but from the corner of his eye, could tell Tetsurou moved just a tad closer. “What do you regret?”

With a heart pounding loudly in his chest, Kei jerked his head to face Tetsurou. Those warm brown eyes he'd always loved were focused so intently on him, _him_ , after they'd been longing staring at Keiji earlier, and Kei felt his resolve crumble to pieces. He wanted to give Tetsurou the answer he sought, he wanted to help him forget about his pain, he wanted _him_.

It was those thoughts that drove him forward, shoulder to shoulder, head tilted to connect their lips in a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN. I know you hate me now.
> 
> See Keiji's suit here: https://i.pinimg.com/736x/5a/29/74/5a297463925bbae48676425075f412e0--wedding-suits-for-men-black-wedding-suit.jpg


	9. To Be Expected

**Chapter 9**

Kei had kissed approximately four people in his life. He assumed that, to most, that would be considered a sad number. But it really wasn't fair when his thoughts had been consumed by Tetsurou for over half of his existence. That was painfully obvious in the way his body was reacting to simply brushing his lips across Tetsurou's. 

He felt like he was coming undone from the inside.

Where their lips connected was warm and soft, a great contrast to the stale winter air biting into his skin. There was a lingering taste of smoke that Kei was able to register before-

Before that warmth was instantly gone.

Kei snapped his eyes open. Tetsurou was still there, though now inches away. The warm brown eyes that Kei loved were wide and startled, and the reality of what Kei'd just done oozed down his spine and seized his heart. 

It made it terribly difficult to breathe.

He couldn't do this.

Any and all thoughts of bettering himself, promises of no longer running away, banished from his mind. Panic was settling in fast, and he wanted- needed to get away. Stiffly, he pushed off the railing and made a beeline for Tetsurou's apartment door. He didn't have the mind to sort out how to feel about the fact Tetsurou made no move to stop him or even to say anything. His feet took him through the living room and into Tetsurou's bedroom, where he promptly shut and locked the door. He hadn't turned on a light, leaving the room an eerie black. Regardless of the fact he was alone in a dark room, Kei brought his hands up to cover his eyes as if to further hide himself away from the world.

“Oh my God,” Kei whispered shakily to himself, his own low voice shocking in the silence around him. He slid down the bedroom door until he was sitting on the floor, still covering his eyes tightly.

What was _wrong_ with him?

He'd kept these feelings locked inside for fourteen _years_. Had speaking to Keiji opened the floodgates? Had he really just kissed Tetsurou and run away without a word? 

Had he really just holed himself up in Tetsurou's own room with Keiji's wedding tomorrow, when he was leaving the day after?

God, Tetsurou had looked so shocked. Of course he had. Kei was… a liar, a coward, a 'brother'...

Kei wasn't who Tetsurou wanted.

Digging his palms into his eyes, he tried desperately to push back the tears that threatened to fall. His heartbeat was loud, seeming to shake his entire body with every beat. It made his hands tremble against the warm wetness trailing his cheeks. It mixed unpleasantly with a new sense of dread that washed through his system.

He always knew he never stood a chance with Tetsurou in the way he wanted. 

But thinking that he may have just destroyed everything, even their friendship...

A sob, unbidden and unwelcome, tumbled out from between Kei's lips before he snapped his jaw shut. Tetsurou was still outside, possibly even inside, now, because Kei couldn't be sure if he missed the sound of the front door opening during his panic. He was not going to be as vulnerable as to let Tetsurou hear him cry over this. The fault lied with Kei, and he had to stop crying, because sooner or later, he knew he'd have to face Tetsurou.

For now, though, he stubbornly wouldn't face that fact, and keep the door locked.

\---

There was a knock that made Kei jerk. He opened his eyes, only to see nothing, which made him anxious. Slowly, though, he registered the softness of the mattress beneath him. He registered that his glasses were not perched on his nose, and he fumbled a hand through the dark until he grasped them. Being able to see clearly, he sat up, taking in the light coming in through the crack under the door, Tetsurou's door, with a telltale shadow.

He realized, at some point, he must have made his way over and collapsed in bed. That he must have fallen asleep. That his eyes felt puffy.

If only the whole thing had been a dream.

Another knock made Kei jump, his brain still foggy from sleep. 

“Kei,” Tetsurou's voice filtered in through the door, and Kei's chest tightened painfully. “Sorry, but... my bladder's about to explode.”

…. oh.

Of course. The only bathroom in Tetsurou's apartment was connected to his room. Kei had blocked him from its usage by locking himself up in here. Feeling frustrated, Kei inwardly groaned, shoving a hand haphazardly through his hair. He was scared and anxious and probably looked like a wreck, but staying holed up like he was couldn't last forever. Leaning over, he pressed the on button on his phone, squinting when the screen lit up. 

It was almost three in the morning.

He immediately felt worse. Had Tetsurou gotten any sleep? Even if he had, it had probably been on the couch, which couldn't have been very comfortable.

A sigh was barely heard on the other side of the door, followed by three rapid knocks. Kei quickly decided that he didn't want Tetsurou even more upset with him (if there was even lower he could go), and scrambled off the mattress. Reaching the door, he settled his fingers on the lock and paused. He swallowed tightly, and then unlocked it with a click. With his mission accomplished, Kei turned about-face and crawled back into his bed, pulling the sheet snugly up to his shoulders.

He was acting like a child, ignoring Tetsurou like this.

He was okay with that.

After a moment, he heard the bedroom door creaking open. A stream of light brightened the area around Kei, and he found himself staring at the whiteness of the wall next to him. Then, a shadow passed, and the bathroom door shut. Kei released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding and let himself relax for the moment. Maybe he'd be able to fall back asleep before Tetsurou reemerged.

With the way tension hummed across his joints, he wasn't too confident.

He found himself oddly fixed on the muffled sounds of Tetsurou moving about in the bathroom. At least... at least he'd asked to be let in. It was normal conversation. He didn't show any signs of being angry, but Kei could only imagine what was going through Tetsurou's head. He didn't _want_ to imagine what was going through Tetsurou's head.

The faucet came on, and sounds of brushing teeth followed. No matter how mundane, every noise put Kei just a little farther toward the edge. It was torture to lay there, being unable to go to sleep, berating himself for his poor choices and knowing any moment, Tetsurou was going to walk out and... and what? Kei didn't _know_ , and that was part of what was making him go insane.

When the bathroom door opened again, Kei stubbornly shut his eyes, as if to feign sleep. It took a moment, but there were finally sounds of Tetsurou clicking the light in the living room off and climbing into his own bed. Then, everything was still. Kei fiddled with the edge of his sheet, pinching the material between his fingers and then skirting his nail over the soft material, heartbeat loud in his own ears.

Was... was that really it? Tetsurou was going to leave it for the morning? Well, it was after three in the morning and they had a wedding to attend tomorrow. It was logical to want to grab some sleep while he still could.

Kei chewed on the inside of his lower lip, feeling oddly empty now that there was nothing to anticipate. At least for a few hours. He exhaled, sinking deeper into the mattress. Somehow, he felt like crying again.

“Kei?”

Kei's teeth bit down a little too hard on the fleshy inside of his mouth, and he flinched at the prick of pain that resulted from it. It was quickly the last thing on his mind, though, as he stared blankly into the dark, his throat thick.

There was silence for a few heartbeats, and then a subtle shift on the mattress above him.

“Hey. Can you say something if you're awake?” Tetsurou's voice came again. The words seemed to press against Kei, and the blond found himself curling up more. 

It wouldn't be hard to pretend he was asleep. 

All of this really could be left for tomorrow.

“... what?” Kei asked, defeated, though at least happy that the word didn't come out broken or shaky. There was another short silence, and Kei truly believed his death could very well result from those little moments of stillness.

“Can we talk?” Tetsurou asked. Nothing about his tone gave away what he was feeling. It left Kei feeling defensive.

“We are talking,” Kei said, matter-of-fact. The answering sigh made him feel remorseful for such a petty response.

“I don't want your saltiness right now,” Tetsurou replied. There was finally an edge to his voice.. something annoyed or angry or chastising that left a pit in the bottom of Kei's stomach. “I want to know why you kissed me.”

As if the words brought the moment back, Kei could swear the faint taste of smoke was back on his lips. He felt his cheeks heat up.

“Why do you think?” Kei sighed, fingers continuing to fidget along the edge of the sheet. 

“I want to hear it from you,” Tetsurou answered. Kei thought it extremely unfair. He'd run away like a frightened child and holed himself up in a room. Wasn't it obvious, what a kiss on the lips meant? Wasn't it obvious, that Kei was having a meltdown? It was almost as if Tetsurou was purposefully twisting the knife Kei had already lodged in his own stomach. 

The most frustrating thing was that Kei understood, Tetsurou wouldn't do that.

“Can we just forget about it?” Kei asked, clinging on to that one iota of hope that he could reverse time and not ruin one of the best relationships he had in his already small circle of people he called friends.

“I can't do that,” Tetsurou said in a tone that left no room for argument. He'd replied so quickly, it was as if he'd seen the statement coming. “I've kind of been a mess since it happened and... I don't want to assume, but... can you just..”

A mess. 

That was a good way to put it.

“I like you,” Kei admitted. The words sounded wrong on his lips, and he gave a small shake of his head. If he was going to do this, he was going to do this completely. He'd already tried to halfheartedly remove himself from the situation and it hadn't worked. There was nothing left to lose at this point. Still, he felt sick. “I love you. I've been in love with you since junior high.”

How pathetic.

There was the sudden sound of shuffling, and then a click. Kei's eyes widened when light flooded his vision, and in a move that he deemed entirely stupid as soon as he saw Tetsurou's face, turned to look up at the raven who had leaned over to turn on a lamp.

“... junior high?!” Tetsurou repeated, his voice far too high. His face far too shocked. 

“Why did you turn on the light?!” Kei squeaked, torn between scrambling to his knees and turning it back off or tugging his sheet over his head. This was absolutely mortifying.

“I don't know! To convince myself this is real right now?!” Tetsurou exclaimed. He jerkily ran a hand through his hair. “Junior high... that...”

Kei could practically see the wheels turning in his head. He looked... confused, sitting there with his hand shoved in his messy hair and brows furrowed as he stared at who-knows-what on the nightstand. Despite everything, Kei felt the urge to place a hand on his hand, or brush a thumb across that knotted brow. He felt bad for unloading this on Tetsurou, especially now. Tetsurou already felt bad enough, knowing the man he loved was getting married to someone else in less than twenty-four hours. Kei sure had perfect timing.

“That was right before you started looking at Keiji,” Kei finished, tone low but strong. Tetsurou's eyes dashed back to Kei, and Kei sighed, sitting up on his mattress. He turned away from Tetsurou, hugging his knees and resting his chin atop them. “You were always looking at Keiji, and I don't blame you.”

It was the truth. It was a truth that hurt, but it was a truth none-the-less. Kei settled in the silence that followed, lowering his lashes and patiently waiting. The panic that had taken over him earlier was fading away, leaving a still acceptance. 

“... never knew you had such bad taste in men,” Tetsurou spoke, strangely soft. The words were familiar, though, and teasing in a way that Tetsurou always managed to be, no matter what the situation. It was one of the things Kei loved about him.

Kei allowed himself a chuckle.

“But I don't,” Kei replied wistfully. 

“... I've been chased by the police many times, but you're somehow braver than I ever was,” Tetsurou admitted. Kei's smile grew. “Thank you. You mean so much to me, Kei, you know that. I hope you know that. But... the kind of love you're talking about... it's something I have for someone else. No matter how... useless that is. I'm sorry.”

The smile stayed on Kei's lips, even though Tetsurou couldn't see it.

Even though his heart was breaking.

“...I knew all that without you saying it,” Kei muttered. The smile on his face was ruined by how hard he pressed his lips together, and beneath the cloak of his sheet, he gripped his legs.

“But we're... we're going to be okay, right?” Tetsurou asked. And Kei completely understood that Tetsurou was worried about their friendship. He completely understood that he should be happy about that. He should be happy that Tetsurou was this understanding, that Tetsurou cared about him this much, that Tetsurou wasn't angry or upset at him for that ridiculous kiss and locking him out of his own room for hours and keeping him up when they had a busy day tomorrow. “I don't want you to disappear for four years again, Kei. I really-”

“Can you-” Kei said urgently, loudly, through a thick throat. He understood, he understood, but God it _hurt_. It hurt, and he was barely holding himself together, but he would _not_ make Tetsurou more uncomfortable than he already was. He just needed... “...stop talking? For now?”

He was doing an absolutely miserable job of not making Tetsurou uncomfortable. He knew, because with the way his voice shook, there was no hiding that he was crying. He tried, anyway, by reigning in any more sound from between his lips. Shifting onto his side, pointedly away from Tetsurou, he lied back down and pulled the sheet over his head. It was hot underneath the sheet, and the tears were uncomfortable, but Kei endured. He endured the stifling silence for moments that seemed entirely too long before there was a click and darkness fell on him again. 

He was grateful for the reprieve, for hearing Tetsurou shuffle into his own bed and then lie still. Shoving his face into the pillow, he hoped the material would soak up any traces of misery from his face. It had to be nearing four in the morning, now, and he needed to be able to happily smile as his best friend got married.

\---

Unfortunately, sleep wouldn't find him. He felt mentally and physically exhausted, but his body refused to cooperate. After lying around enough, changing positions and trying to clear his thoughts, he finally gave in and crawled out of his bed. Being as quiet as he possibly could, he grabbed his phone and glasses and tip-toed out of the room, carefully closing the door behind him. Feeling alone for the first time in a while, Kei sucked in a deep breath and turned on a light, shuffling into the kitchen to make a cup of hot tea.

He'd gotten used to Tetsurou's apartment during his time there. The other man kept his mugs in the cabinet by the refrigerator and his tea in a small box on the counter by the sink. It was with practiced familiarity that Kei whipped up his cup of steaming tea and settled on one corner of the couch, using the arm to rest. It was a tad chilly to be in the living room without a cover, but the heat rising from his cup of tea was distracting enough to be content.

He turned his phone on, thumbing around lazily until he was looking at Keiji's message log. Seeing it was almost six-thirty, Kei typed out a message.

'You up?'

Kei set the cell on the arm of the couch, taking another sip of tea. The steam fogged his glasses and he frowned. Even as his tea neared the bottom of his mug, there was no response. Instead, a reminder pinged on his phone, one that urged him to test a new program his department had coded right when he returned to Virginia.

He stared at it for a long while, the message making the familiarity of Tetsurou's apartment seem pointless.

One more day.

He only had to survive one more day of this painful awkwardness, and then he could create some distance and finally let go of these... stupid feelings.

He closed the reminder with a harsh swipe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides face to avoid thrown tomatoes*
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4Vn3SaQS6E


	10. Quit You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the comments on this just... aaahhh, thank you all so much ;~; I want you to know that I read every single one and they all make my day that much better!! I'm so sorry I made you sad!

**Chapter 10**

Kei was anticipating awkwardness to surround them that morning. Still, he hadn't expected it to be this bad. Tetsurou's good morning greeting and offer of coffee was stilted. It seemed like he was torn between staring at Kei for awkward amounts of time and avoiding eye contact all together. This was the kind of behavior that Kei had expected right after the kiss he'd so impulsively planted on Tetsurou's lips last night. But Tetsurou had confronted him so boldly... even though it had been one of the most nerve-wracking moments of Kei's life, he could appreciate the straightforwardness.

So where had that frankness gone?

“Tetsurou,” Kei said pointedly. 

“Hm?” The other replied, either not catching on to the tone of Kei's voice or ignoring it all together, dipping his spoon into the white granules of the container in front of him. With a tight frown on his face, Kei took a step forward and placed a firm hand on Tetsurou's arm. The raven immediately paused, spoon in midair.

“That's salt,” Kei drawled, eyeing the mineral warily. If that fell in their cups of coffee, it would ruin the entire cup. Tetsurou blinked rather owlishly and took a second look at the container he held in his other hand.

“... whoops,” Tetsurou said, quickly spilling the salt back into it's container and snapping the lid. “Good catch. Why are they both white?”

Kei brought his hand back in, crossing his arms and sighing.

“Please stop,” Kei said, letting his shoulders slump.

“It's really not my fault! Easy mistake!” Tetsurou insisted, properly adding sugar to their coffees now. 

“That's not what I'm talking about,” Kei replied. This time, the tone did catch Tetsurou's attention, and for the first time since Tetsurou had emerged from his bedroom at a much later time than Kei, his eyes met Kei's without wavering. “Stop walking on eggshells. You haven't been awkward around me a day in your life.”

Maybe that wasn't completely true. Tetsurou had been a tad awkward around him when he found out Kei knew about his feelings for Keiji. However, the point still stood. Tetsurou being awkward with him was plain _weird_ , and it didn't make him feel good at all. Kei understood that he'd brought this on himself. He didn't have to tell Tetsurou about his years-long crush, especially when he was leaving tomorrow. And maybe he was a hypocrite, because locking himself up in Tetsurou's room and then trying to derail the conversation last night was excruciatingly awkward, but if Tetsurou was this bad, people were going to catch on. People would ask questions. Kei had already done enough damage to last him a lifetime without a massive detective session on Keiji's wedding day.

Tetsurou stared at him for a moment, the corners of his lips falling. He turned away rather suddenly, busily stirring the coffees.

“I've never made you cry, either,” Tetsurou muttered. The words formed the gaping hole in Kei's stomach that he'd become much too used to lately. “At least, that I knew of.”

Kei shut his eyes and let the embarrassment ooze over him. He'd tried so hard to be quiet, to cry silently, but he wondered just how many pathetic sounds had forced their way through in the silence of Tetsurou's bedroom as Tetsurou tried to sleep. He wondered what had been going through Tetsurou's head during that time. Obviously, guilt. Tetsurou was feeling guilty and he had absolutely nothing to be guilty for. 

Kei hated it.

“I'm done crying. I've confessed and got my answer. It's done,” Kei stressed. It wasn't a complete truth. He couldn't flip a switch and no longer be in love with Tetsurou, but he could damn well get over himself and be the friend Tetsurou needed. He had to. With that silent conviction made, he reached for his cup of coffee and tugged it close to his chest. “Right now, I just want to go to Keiji's wedding with my best friend.”

Please, Kei added in his head. Normal was good. Normal would allow him to get through the day without getting lost in the what ifs and if onlys.

Tetsurou looked like he was going to say something, but swallowed it at the last second. Then, he lifted his own coffee cup to his lips and took a careful sip.

“... I think I can do that,” Tetsurou agreed, offering a tentative smile. Kei mirrored it.

“Good. Because you all apprehensive is giving me the creeps. Now make me lunch,” Kei ordered. The flash of surprise across Tetsurou's eyes was not missed.

“... bossy,” Tetsurou sassed.

“I _am_ the guest here,” Kei retorted, pushing himself off the edge of the counter and making his way out of the kitchen. No longer in Tetsurou's immediate presence, he allowed himself to take a deep breath. It felt surreal, that last night had happened and the world kept on turning... that within twenty-four hours, Keiji and Koutarou would be married and he'd be on the road back to Virginia. It was with these thoughts that he neared the window, blinds pulled aside. The sky was a dull gray, and Kei could have sworn he could feel the cold from the outside seeping through the glass. He took a sip of his warm coffee to combat the feeling. A buzz from behind him alerted him that the cell phone he'd deposited on the table was blinking. Leaning down and grabbing it, he saw that Keiji had finally replied.

'Didn't see this 'til now. What's up?'

Kei glanced over his shoulder at Tetsurou, who was shuffling around the kitchen preparing lunch. Then, he looked back down at his phone, using one thumb to type a message.

'Nothing important. Don't trip down the aisle.'

The reply was almost instantaneous.

'Wow. Thanks.'

\---

Kei offered no fight when Tetsurou said they'd be taking his car to the wedding. If Kei slipped some gas money in his wallet, no one would be the wiser.

Driving passed the infamous park with their mark on the underside of the merry-go-round, Kei noticed the first snowflake fall from the sky, until there were tons floating down to earth. It was pretty to look at, but it made him pull his coat more tightly around him all the same. Tetsurou made a jab at him at the action, but Kei paid no mind. He was actually grateful for the familiarity.

The venue Keiji and Koutarou had rented out for the wedding was the Crestle Community Center, which was basically the only building big enough for such an occasion in the whole town. Half of the parking lot was already full by the time Tetsurou rolled up in a parking space. As the engine died, Kei turned to Tetsurou.

“We can bail, if you want,” Kei said, catching Tetsurou's attention. Kei gestured to the cars around them. “It looks like it's going to be a full wedding. They won't even know we didn't show.”

What fell out of Tetsurou's mouth was a sort of snort-laugh that was fitting for him.

“This is just a wild guess, but I think Keiji would realize we weren't there. Especially since I'm his best man,” Tetsurou said with a chuckle. 

“Just saying,” Kei said with a shrug. 

“You know you wouldn't bail on this,” Tetsurou accused. He clicked his seat-belt loose and dragged it across his body, sending Kei a look that could only be described as affectionate. “I get it. Thanks.”

Kei's heart skipped a beat at that look, and he quickly undid his own seat-belt.

The community center was a building Kei rarely visited, even though he lived in Crestle for eighteen years. The only memories Kei had of the place was during Halloween, when some townspeople would decorate it with fake spider webs and mummy wrapping and hand out candy to trick-or-treaters. None of that creepy stuff was on the building now and it almost looked foreign because of it. But while the outside was nothing special, walking into the building was a different matter.

Keiji had mentioned, now and then, about the decorations and layout of the place. He was, after all, in charge of planning it. Kei specifically remembered that, while Koutarou wanted to help, Koutarou also wanted a pinata at the wedding, and Keiji was not going to allow that tomfoolery. But leaving it to Keiji guaranteed that it would look fantastic, and it did. Classic gold and white colors stretched throughout the room, accented by burgundy seats. Kei really didn't get very long to look around before a person was right in front of them. Specifically, right in front of Tetsurou.

“Keiji has been asking if his best man is here yet. Follow me,” the man, who Kei was fairly certain he'd never seen before, started tugging Tetsurou away. 

“Ah.. I'm being summoned! Catch up with you later!” Tetsurou said, waving at Kei. In the blink of an eye, Tetsurou was hauled through an archway and out of sight. Kei was almost winded from how quickly he was left alone. He then focused more on the people instead of the decorations, and suddenly felt awkward. There were surely going to be people from his high school that he hadn't seen in years here. Hopefully he'd at least remember names.

“Kei!”

Somebody definitely remembered _his_ name, anyway. He turned and had to look down. Nami was in front of him with her hands behind her back and a big smile on her face. Her dark hair was braided and a red, sparkly dress poofed out at her waist. Kei may be awkward around kids, but seeing her all dressed up, he knew exactly what to say.

“Hi Nami. You look cute today,” Kei replied. The smile on Nami's face got even wider.

“Thank you!” She chirped. “Koutarou said I'm supposed to introduce you to our family!”

Kei had anticipated this. Though when he thought about it, he thought Keiji or Tetsurou would be with him.

“That's really not nece-”

“Nami!” Another woman walked up fast. Her familiar golden eyes told Kei that this was another one of Koutarou's siblings. She held up a hairpin. “Why did you take off? I still had one more to put in. You'll ruin your hair!”

“You're not fast enough, Kiyomi,” Nami said with puffed cheeks. Kiyomi's eyebrow twitched, and she menacingly held crooked fingers over the top of Nami's head.

“You want to stand up in front of everyone with bedhead?” Kiyomi threatened. Nami's eyes got huge and she quickly shielded her hair with her arms.

“No! I'm just doing my job! Koutaru told me to introduce Kei!” Nami exclaimed. As if noticing for the first time that they had an audience, Kiyomi turned to look up at Kei. A ruby red smile turned her lips up.

“Hmmm?” Kiyomi hummed, giving Kei a once-over and then knocking Nami's arms away. She secured the clip in Nami's hair and turned her gaze back to the younger. “So this is the cute dolphin boy from the park?”

Nami's face went fire-engine red.

“KIYOMI!” Nami screeched, and then ran off. Kei blinked.

“... dolphin boy?” He repeated. Kiyomi laughed, and Kei was almost startled to hear such a hearty laugh come from a small person. 

“Love teasing her. I'm Kiyomi, third-born,” Kiyomi introduced, holding out her hand. Kei shook it. “I've heard a lot about you from Keiji and Tetsurou.”

“Oh no,” Kei drawled, to which Kiyomi laughed again.

“Good things, though now I'm curious,” Kiyomi replied. “Since Nami abandoned her post, want me to introduce you to the others?”

Kei knew he wasn't going to get out of it, so he agreed. As it turned out, Kiyomi was a social butterfly who knew just about everyone, no matter which groom's side they were from. After meeting Koutarou's family and nearly everyone in the room, Kei was exhausted. He got a small reprieve when he saw Keiji's parents, who were quick to hug him and ask how he's been. 

The room filled up fast. He realized some of Koutarou's family were setting more chairs up, so he decided to help out. It was after he'd set down the last chair that he glanced toward the front door and saw Akiteru and Hitoka enter the room. Kei quickly looked away, frowning. He really didn't feel like a confrontation with Akiteru right now, so with what he hoped was a natural strut, he made his way to the archway he saw Tetsurou disappear under earlier and dipped into an unfamiliar hallway.

It was quieter here, the chatter of the guests muffled by a wall. He didn't walk very far before seeing a restroom. Thinking it was a good place to at least gather himself before going back out into the crowd, he took a step toward it. 

Familiar laughter from down the hallway stopped him, though. That was definitely Keiji's laugh. Intrigued, and far more interested in seeing Keiji than hiding in a restroom, Kei followed the sound.

“Dip out early, if you want. It's your wedding,” Tetsurou, because that was definitely Tetsurou's voice, said as Kei approached the room. He stopped just outside, hesitant on whether he should interrupt.

“No. I won't go that far. It may not even be possible. The news said the snow is going to come down hard today,” Keiji replied, amusement lacing his words.

“We live in Pennsylvania. Nothing we haven't seen before,” Tetsurou said.

“Mm, but I'm concerned about the roads. And Kei's leaving tomorrow, right? I don't want bad weather to mess with him, either,” Keiji replied. Kei's ears perked up upon hearing his name. There was a silence after the sentence, and then Keiji's voice picked up again. “Did I make you sad, mentioning that?”

“Shut up. You're the same,” Tetsurou scoffed.

“I can't deny that,” Keiji said.

“You know what he told me? That he was requiring at least one video call a week when he goes back,” Tetsurou said.

“Really? He never promised anything like that to _me_ ,” Keiji teased. Kei felt the back of his neck heat up. Nope, this conversation could lead to something dangerous, and Kei wasn't going to allow it.

“Stop talking about me behind my back,” Kei said, a little loudly, making his way into the room. It clearly startled both of them, but Keiji was able to recover first.

“But that's the best way to talk about you,” Keiji snickered. 

“Let's talk about you,” Kei urged. “You realize what you're marrying into, right?”

Keiji tilted his head back to laugh.

“You met the family?” Keiji asked.

“Kiyomi made sure I met everyone,” Kei drawled.

“Kiyomi's great. They're all crazy, but great,” Keiji sighed. Kei thought he'd be at least a little nervous.. weren't most people on their wedding day? But, looking at Keiji, the only thing he looked was... happy. Realizing Tetsurou hadn't said a thing since he'd walked in, he looked over at said raven. Tetsurou was observing them with an unreadable expression. When Kei quirked an eyebrow at him, it seemed to bring him out of whatever trance he was in, and he quirked an eyebrow right back. Kei wasn't quite sure what to say, but Keiji spoke again. “Alright. You two need to get out there. The ceremony is going to start soon.”

“... well,” Tetsurou said, standing up with a smirk. “Guess it's good-bye, Keiji Akaashi.”

Keiji's eyes softened. 

“Come here,” Keiji ordered, two fingers beckoning both of them close. 

“Do I have to?” Kei protested, but he was smiling.

“Yes,” Keiji said. Rolling his eyes, Kei joined their quick three-person hug. “And if I really do trip, it'll be your fault.”

Kei snorted. Tetsurou gave them a curious look, but followed Kei out of the room. In the hallway, they fell silent.

“... you okay?” Kei whispered. Tetsurou's gaze flickered to him.

“... does Keiji know?” Tetsurou asked. Kei's eyes widened.

“About you?” Kei asked, ready to defend himself. There was no way he would ever tell Keiji about Tetsurou's feelings without his consent. But Tetsurou shook his head.

“About you. … liking me,” Tetsurou said. 

Oh.

“... yeah,” Kei said, that feeling of awkwardness back. They were near the archway that would take them back to the main room, now, and Kei grabbed the back of Tetsurou's shirt to stop him from walking out. “Wait.”

Tetsurou blinked in confusion as Kei peeked his head around the corner to look around.

“What are you doing?” Tetsurou asked.

“I don't want to run into Akiteru right now,” Kei said. At Tetsurou's look, he elaborated. “We're... in a bit of a fight.”

Tetsurou frowned at that, but didn't ask. When Kei saw that he had a clear path to the front, he took it, with Tetsurou falling behind him. All around them, people were beginning to take their seats, knowing it was close to the start of the ceremony. At the front, the officiant was standing with a book in his hands, and Koutarou was talking to one of his siblings next to him. Seeing Tetsurou and Kei, Koutarou gave an enthusiastic wave.

Kei had been to two other weddings in his life, both when he was young. He'd always found the actual ceremony boring, but for this one, he felt particularly anxious. They were things that only happened in movies, and Kei felt silly for even entertaining them, but he couldn't stop his mind from making up scenarios. Scenarios like Tetsurou screaming “I object!” and stopping the wedding to confess his love for Keiji. Or even Tetsurou starting to cry and freaking Keiji out.

But none of that happened.

Tetsurou stayed standing at Kei's side, in front of their friends and family, with a soft smile on his face. And when the officiant dubbed them Mr. and Mr. Bokuto, the entire room burst into applause, including Tetsurou. Koutarou cried a little, but seeing Keiji kiss away those tears was almost too sweet to endure. With his eyes still wet, Koutarou walked over and shook Tetsurou's hand firmly.

“Take good care of him,” Tetsurou said, completely serious even with his smile. He may have been squeezing Koutarou's hand a little too hard, but as if taking it as a challenge, Koutarou squeezed right back.

“I will,” Koutarou promised. When he moved onto Kei, Kei held out his hand.

“I don't need to threaten you, because we all know Keiji will kill you himself if he has to,” Kei said. Koutarou laughed merrily at that and gave a firm handshake. As Koutarou bounded off to others, Kei sidled closer to Tetsurou. “If you want a smoke, you better go now, while they're moving things around for the reception.”

Tetsurou shook his head.

“Nah,” Tetsurou dismissed. “I need to quit, anyway.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: The after-party!


	11. Can't Keep My Eyes Off Of You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Koutarou and Keiji's first dance song is Lifehouse's "You and Me", which is where the few lyrics that appear in this chapter are from.

**Chapter 11**

The thing about these kinds of events, was that as soon as the main attraction was over, there was nothing left to do but socialize. That was something Kei had never particularly enjoyed, and thus, he stayed to himself, becoming a wallflower, offering a polite smile to those who caught his eye and engaging in small-talk when necessary. It was weird, being surrounded by so many people, yet feeling detached from the event in general. He felt remorseful for being that way, because this was such a special occasion and Keiji was over-the-moon and that was something to celebrate. But his own thoughts clouded his ability to be in the moment, rolling around in his head so quickly that he could feel the telltale sign of a headache coming on. Pathetically, his gaze kept lingering on Tetsurou, who looked entirely too handsome in that suit, and entirely too comfortable with that fact he'd just watched the man he'd loved for years get married to someone else. But that was the kind of person Tetsurou was. Despite the fact Kei had offered him multiple chances to get away, to breathe, Tetsurou stood firm.

Kei was both envious and enamored.

An enormous four-tiered cake was wheeled out as soon as the chairs were moved to the tables around the room, leaving a wide, empty space in the middle for upcoming dancing. Kei thought there had to be a lot of dedication in moving furniture around all the time, but he supposed if they wanted to be married in Crestle, it was a necessary pain. He was happy they didn't do something crazy like try to have the wedding outside in freezing weather, because he loved Keiji a lot, but maybe not _that_ much.

The line for a slice of cake was a long one. Kei decided he would rather hang back and wait until the line had diminished, but that didn't stop him from grabbing a flute of champagne in the meantime. The gold liquid was bubbly against the roof of his mouth, and he nearly choked on it when the front doors opened, revealing two people he was very familiar with.

“Mom?” Kei questioned, even though he was too far for her to hear him, much less in a crowded room. He made a beeline toward the front door, questions forming on the tip of his tongue. Why were his parents here? Weren't they supposed to be in Hawaii? Didn't they say they wouldn't be back until tomorrow?

Was his mom holding what he thought she was holding?

“Mom,” he repeated when he got close enough. She spun around and a smile lit up her face.

“Kei!” She exclaimed, enveloping him in a hug. Kei precariously held up his flute, worried that champagne would spill out from the jostling. The thing she was holding pressed comfortably against his back and his father gave him a nod from behind his mother.

“What are you guys doing here?” Kei asked, drawing back from the hug. He'd downed enough of the champagne to thwart a spill, and felt relief. He didn't want to ruin a suit he'd just gotten, especially one that fit so well.

“Well, I missed you too,” his mom said, disapprovingly, flicking his forward. He cringed at the gesture and turned his attention to her hands.

“Why do you have a-”

“DOLPHIN!” Came Nami's excited yell from behind him. It was true that his mother held a big, plush dolphin in her hands, with the word 'Hawaii' stitched in cursive on its belly. Nami had stars in her eyes just looking at it.

“Isn't it the cutest dolphin?” His mom asked, smiling down at her. “But I'm sorry, little one, this is a gift for the groom!”

Kei almost laughed. 

“You got him a plush dolphin?” Kei asked incredulously. His mom moved aside to gesture to the other trinkets in his father's hands, including a key chain and one of those surfboard wall decorations.

“I would have wrapped them all, but we had no time at all! We decided to come back a little early because I wanted to see you, and I wanted to come to Keiji's wedding! Oh, but it looks like we're late... are they already married?” His mom ranted. She jerked her arms as she talked, moving the dolphin around, and Nami's head moved along with it. Amused, Kei covered his mouth with his hand and snorted.

“Oh, give her the plush, already. She's the grooms little sister,” Kei chuckled. His mom's eyebrows perked up, and she nearly jumped when Nami, figuring permission had been granted, snatched the dolphin plush up and hugged it tightly.

“Mom?” 

Kei's smile faded at Akiteru's voice. He turned to see Akiteru and Hitoka walk up to them, Hitoka diving in for a hug to which her mom responded in kind.

“Hello, pumpkin!” His mom exclaimed with Hitoka in her arms.

“We're home early due to your mother's whims. Don't make her repeat herself,” his dad offered, to which Akiteru smirked.

“Did I hear dolphin?” 

And suddenly, Koutarou, Keiji, and Tetsurou were there as well, all sporting small plates with cake. Keiji introduced Koutarou, who Reina immediately began gushing over, so much that Koutarou's cheeks grew a dusty shade of red. The embarrassment withered away, though, as soon as the Hawaiian souvenirs were presented. Koutarou exclaimed how cool they were and must have said thank you at least five times. Kei thought it silly to get so hyped up over trivial things like that when they surely had some wonderful, expensive gifts still wrapped over in the gift pile, but Koutarou was so genuine about everything that Kei didn't doubt the excitement in the slightest.

Among all the excitement, Tetsurou sidled up to Kei's side and softly knocked their elbows together. Kei turned to see half a piece of cake being offered.

“You want it? I snatched a strawberry, too,” Tetsurou said with a grin. Pleased by the gesture, Kei took the offer, balancing his now-empty flute of champagne and the plate of cake in his hands.

“Thank you,” Kei said.

“Did you know they were coming?” Tetsurou asked. Kei took a bite of cake and shook his head. The chocolate flavor was rich on his tongue.

“It was apparently a last-minute decision, like everything else my mom seems to do,” Kei drawled.

“Your parents are the epitome of opposites attract,” Tetsurou commented. Kei took another bite of cake and let his gaze linger on Tetsurou once again. He guessed he agreed with that statement, and he guessed he was just like his father in that regard. Tetsurou made eye contact and Kei quickly looked away... only to meet Akiteru's disapproving stare instead. He swallowed his cake the wrong way and ended up coughing. “Whoa, there, do you need a drink?”

Kei held up a hand and shook his head, swallowing the lump in his throat.

“I'm fine. I'm going to go get another glass myself,” Kei said, dismissing himself from the group. It was one thing for Akiteru to be aware of Kei's feelings for Tetsurou. It was a whole other ballgame for his brother to actually witness him making what was surely googly eyes at Tetsurou, and ugh, that was embarrassing. He let a waiter take the empty flute and grabbed another one, deciding to throw away the last small corner of the cake. He did, however, eat the strawberry Tetsurou had grabbed for him. 

It was undeniably sweet.

There was a short bout of static through the speaker system before a voice was heard.

“The grooms will soon be dancing their first dance as a married couple. We will be dimming the lights outside of the dance area soon. Please find a place to sit or stand.”

Kei found an empty table and sat sipping his new flute of champagne. His family found their way over, sitting with him, his mom filling them in on their adventures in Hawaii. Tetsurou, Kei noticed, sat at a table across the room with one Kei recognized as Koutarou's oldest sibling and others he couldn't place.

“Brr, I'm still a little chilly in here,” Reina commented, rubbing his hands up and down her arms. “It's somewhat of a shock to come from sunny Hawaii and back here to snow.”

“Is it snowing a lot out there now?” Hitoka asked.

“It's coming down pretty good,” Kei's father chimed in just as the lights dimmed.

“Honey,” Reina said, catching Kei's attention. He turned toward her as she leaned on the table, closer to him. “Maybe you should stay at our place tonight, now that we're here. It's just one night, but I know you weren't exactly thrilled about intruding on Tetsurou.”

Kei stilled.

Oh. Right. With his parents back in town, there was no reason to spend his last night at Tetsurou's apartment. As he processed this, the sound of clapping filled the space around them, and Kei lifted his head. Koutarou and Keiji were in the middle of the dance floor, in the middle of the spotlight, hands positioned for a slow dance. They were whispering to each other, hushed words meant for only them, smiling secret smiles. 

Music flowed from the speakers and they began to dance. Their black and white suits, respectively, seemed to play against each other as they swayed and twirled, and in that moment they looked so perfect together, so in love, that Kei's heart tugged gratingly.

It would be best, he supposed, if he spent the night at his parent's house. Thinking of the salt/sugar incident from this morning... sure, Tetsurou and he had been fine throughout today, but that's because they were here, with so many others. If they were alone again, would that awkwardness, that tension, come back? There was no way it wouldn't.

Because Kei had been rejected.

But...

_And it's you and me and all of the people_  
_and I don't know why_  
_I can't keep my eyes off of you_

As if spurred by the lyrics, Kei's gaze left the dancing couple and shifted to the darkness of the other side of the room. Everyone was shrouded in shadow, but still visible. 

And it shocked Kei to the core to find Tetsurou already looking at him.

“... no,” Kei said. From the corner of his eyes, he saw his mom perk up.

“Hm?” She asked. Kei leaned closer, so he could talk without bothering the guests near him.

“No. I'll stay at Tetsurou's tonight,” Kei said. “All of my stuff is there. It'd be silly to pack up, unpack, and then pack up again.”

“Aw, okay. You have to come visit us again sometime soon, then,” his mom replied, giving him a loving pat on the arm. He smiled at her.

“I will,” Kei promised.

The end of the married couple's dance gave birth to more lighting and more couples filling the dance floor. Kei didn't understand what his parents getting up and heading to the dance floor entailed until he found himself very alone with his two siblings, one of which looked beyond nervous and one that looked arrogantly expectant.

“Hitoka, do you want to dance?” Kei asked, using tunnel vision to focus on his little sister. Hitoka looked surprised, but a smile split open her lips.

“Yeah!” Hitoka exclaimed, hopping at a chance that didn't come by often. Akiteru huffed.

“Avoiding me?” Akiteru asked. Kei pointedly ignored him, taking Hitoka's hand and leading her onto the dance floor. 

“... you really should talk to him,” Hitoka said hesitantly, as they fell in step. Kei softly pinched her waist.

“You should eat more,” Kei replied. Hitoka raised an eyebrow and pinched his waist right back.

“Look who's talking,” Hitoka huffed, to which Kei smiled.

“But you're so tiny. You need some weight,” Kei argued.

“And you're so tall! You'll become a pole!”

“I'll still be able to reach the top shelf.”

“You're so mean.”

“Basic. Where's the snark you had with Tetsurou the other day?”

“That just slipped out!”

Bickering with his little sister was simple. Easy. Comfortable. So much, in fact, that he didn't realize the song they danced to was ending until the notes began fading out. A whistle filled his ears.

“Some great dancing, there. Hitoka, you're going to be a beautiful bride one day,” Tetsurou said, suddenly next to them. Hitoka blushed at the praise and Tetsurou's hand fell on Kei's shoulder, where it burned. “Mind if I steal your brother?”

Kei breathed through the fluttering in his chest. Hitoka hastily backed away.

“Yeah! No! Of course!” She said, giving a wave before shuffling off the dance floor. Tetsurou filled her spot, placing a hand on Kei's waist and taking hold of his hand with the other, and Kei dearly hoped he wasn't the color of a tomato, being this close to him.

“So. I didn't expect you to dance at all,” Tetsurou said with a quirk of his head. 

“... if I'm gonna be honest, I only did it to avoid Akiteru,” Kei replied, letting Tetsurou lead him. The raven smirked.

“Aha. I knew you wouldn't do it on your own volition,” Tetsurou said. Kei smiled, fidgeted with Tetsurou's collar, let his gaze fall to the space between them.

“... my mom said I could stay at their house tonight, since they're back,” Kei said, slowly dragging his gaze back up. Tetsurou's eyes had widened a little.

“... are you going to?” Tetsurou asked.

“... probably should,” Kei said with a shrug that was too stiff. Tetsurou frowned.

“I don't want you to,” Tetsurou said. Kei sucked in a breath and held it, staring openly at the way Tetsurou seemed to shrink in on himself. “I mean, it's totally cool if it's what you want. I'd... understand. I'm just... trying to get whatever Kei time I have before you up and disappear again.”

Kei let out the breath he was holding, feeling warm even as he chuckled.

“Did you really just call it 'Kei time'?” Kei asked. He felt blessed to witness the redness play across the bridge of Tetsurou's nose. He opened his mouth to reply, but Kei cut him off. “I already said no to her.”

Tetsurou's mouth snapped shut and he very nearly deflated in Kei's arms.

“You're terrible, you know that?” Tetsurou drawled. Kei's shoulders shook from laughter.

“May I cut in?”

Kei's laughter abruptly stopped, along with his feet. Akiteru was standing next to them, wearing an expression that seemed pleasant enough, but was clearly off. Kei bit the inside of his cheek, inwardly seething. He supposed he deserved this, for avoiding Akiteru up to this point. Of course he would choose this moment, a moment to separate him from Tetsurou, to finally corner him. Annoyed, Kei let his hold on Tetsurou go slack.

It was surprising, therefore, when Tetsurou's hold grew tighter. Tetsurou was openly glowering at Akiteru, a display that he'd never seen the raven make toward his older brother, no matter how disrespectful the comments from the blond were.

“No, you may not,” Tetsurou said rather calmly. Akiteru's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Kei was fairly certain his mouth was hanging open, but the firm grip on his waist kept him grounded into reality. Tetsurou's chin inclined in the slightest as he spoke again. “You don't like me. I get it. But right now, he seems happy with me and not with you.” Kei's mouth was definitely hanging open. Tetsurou's sharp gaze turned back to him and Kei's heart clenched when he smiled. “Can we finish our dance?” 

Kei could only nod, and Tetsurou guided them away from Akiteru. It was at least a chorus of the song filtering through the speakers later that Kei found his voice again.

“... what was that?!” Kei hissed, still weakly holding onto Tetsurou. Tetsurou had the gall to look sheepish. 

“I don't know. You clearly don't want to talk to him. I've never wanted to talk to him,” Tetsurou confessed. He suddenly puffed out his chest. “Kinda wanted to do that for years. Prick.”

God, it was what Kei had been wanting to happen for years, too. For Tetsurou to actually stand up for himself and prove he _was_ a damn good guy. Kei felt laughter bubbling back up to the surface and he leaned more heavily into Tetsurou for support. His body vibrated from the laughter until tears filled the corners of his eyes. Tetsurou just grinned, watching him.

“H- how...” Kei began, trying to steady his laughter. He took his hand off the back of Tetsurou's neck to quickly wipe at his eyes before putting it back. “How do you expect me to get over you when you're like this?”

Somehow, he wasn't even afraid of saying it. He felt light, like he had nothing left to lose. It was... something... to see the smile drop from Tetsurou's face, to see his eyes grow wide, to see his lips part in surprise. 

Their feet stopped, the music faded, and the dance was over. 

Kei took a step back.

“I'm going to find another one of those strawberries. They were good,” Kei offered. He turned, choosing not to linger on or analyze the expression on Tetsurou's face, and threw a, “Thanks for the dance.” over his shoulder before walking away.

His chest still fluttered, but oh, was it warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *silently screams*


	12. Tip-toe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These boys are just awkward and emotional and dealing with a lot.

**Chapter 12**

The world had turned white.

It was almost surreal, standing in the cold silence of falling snow after being bombarded with sights and sounds of cheer and celebration. Kei cupped his hands in front of his lips and blew warm air into them, squinting when a car's headlights turned toward him. Slowly, cars were leaving the parking lot, turning the fallen snow into a dirty slush. He felt just a little light-headed, observing the scene, knowing it was from the champagne he drank. The taste of the bubbly liquid still lingered on his tongue, and maybe he could attribute its consumption to the fact he was standing out in the cold without feeling like his body wanted to cave in on itself.

He'd been bombarded by hugs from his family before he'd ventured outside, wishing him a safe trip back home. Even Akiteru had given him a hug, though it was short and without comment. Kei figured it had something to do with the way Hitoka was giving him puppy eyes. 

Tetsurou, knowing many more people than Kei did, was taking his time saying good-bye inside. Figuring he'd just be in the way, or awkwardly tagging along, Kei thought it best to sneak out and wait. He really had thought of saying good bye to Keiji first, but he seemed so swept up in the guests, so swept up in Koutarou, that Kei let it go. After all, he had Keiji's phone number and e-mail address. They could talk to each other any time they wanted.

He found that line of thinking was wrong, though, when Keiji came walking out of the community center, head darting this way and that until it turned to Kei. 

“I was going to murder you if you'd left,” Keiji said, walking up to him while slipping a long coat across his shoulders. Kei allowed himself to smile.

“I came with Tetsurou. I wouldn't have left yet,” Kei explained. Keiji stopped at his side, raising a brow.

“Speaking of. I saw you dancing with him,” Keiji said playfully. To be teased so casually about something Kei had been battling for years still took him by surprise, even though it could no longer be considered anything new. The places where Tetsurou's hands had guided him while dancing suddenly tingled. Kei looked down at his hands, rubbing them together to create friction. Alcohol in his system or not, the longer he stayed out in the falling snow, the more aware of the cold he became.

“I told him,” Kei admitted, leaving the confession ambiguous enough, but knowing Keiji would get the hint. Turning back toward his emerald-eyed friend, he was proved correct. Keiji was noticeably surprised, his lips parting.

“You-” Keiji managed, cutting himself off. His eyes said everything, though, pupils jumping across Kei's face, as if Keiji could extract an answer from Kei's expression alone.

Kei shook his head slowly, wondering if he looked as tired as he felt.

So many emotions filtered across Keiji's face. It was like his face muscles didn't know what to do with themselves, twitching there and curving there, until they settled on something that made Kei's heart hurt.

Distress.

Pity?

Kei felt himself tense up in defense, this being Keiji or not.

“Ke-”

“Stop,” Kei cut him off. To his credit, Keiji snapped his jaw shut. Kei offered a smile. “I told you already, that it wouldn't work. We're still friends. Now go be obnoxiously lovey-dovey with your new husband.” 

The words were light and joking, but they were heartfelt. Keiji deserved his alone time with his groom, deserved to be carefree and happy tonight. 

Still, Keiji hesitated. It was clear that he wanted to ask more, know more. For a fearful second, Kei thought he would pry. But Keiji leaned forward, instead, and brought Kei into a tight hug. Kei melted into it immediately, if only because Keiji was warm.

“… ugh, really, I've gotten enough hugs during this trip to last a lifetime,” Kei mumbled, though he made no move to remove himself from Keiji's arms. He heard the other chuckle, and then felt him pull back just enough to look up at him.

“Be careful driving home, especially if this snow keeps up,” Keiji said. He squeezed at Kei's arms before stepping back completely. “I'm glad you came.”

And despite everything the last few days had brought him, Kei found himself feeling the same.

“Yeah. I'll call you soon,” Kei promised. Keiji gave him one last smile before turning around and walking back into the community center. Kei's eyes stayed on him until he disappeared completely, wiggling uncomfortably at the sudden empty feeling in his chest. He missed Keiji so much during his absence.

He was going to miss him just as much all over again.

In the doorway where Keiji had disappeared, Tetsurou showed up with someone Kei didn't recognize. He watched as they shared a laugh and a good-bye, tossing a hand in the air in a wave. The man made his way to the parking lot, and Tetsurou caught Kei's eye and made his way to him. 

“Aren't you cold?” Tetsurou asked, approaching with his hands in his coat. Kei shoved his hands into his own pockets.

“Wouldn't be if you didn't know the entire town,” Kei remarked without bite. Tetsurou grinned and shrugged, then pulled out a piece of folded paper from his pocket. He held it out to Kei, and Kei tossed him a look. 

“It's from Nami,” Tetsurou said. Blinking, Kei took the paper and unfolded it. He held it up to the lamppost to see. On the paper was a badly drawn dolphin, with a speech bubble saying 'Thank you!' Kei snorted in amusement. “She certainly took a liking to you. _I've_ never gotten a drawing.”

“She needed to thank my mom, not me,” Kei replied, folding the paper back up and stuffing it in his pocket. He turned toward where Tetsurou's car was parked. “Can we go?”

“... your parents leave already?” Tetsurou asked. Kei rose a brow.

“Yeah. They left earlier. Hitoka and Akiteru too,” Kei answered. Tetsurou turned his gaze elsewhere and nodded.

“Kay, then. Let's go,” Tetsurou said, moving his feet forward. Kei followed, though not without thinking the exchange was a little strange. He shrugged it off, happy to climb inside somewhere that had a heater. Tetsurou cranked it up as soon as they got in the car, the windshield wipers working to brush off the fallen snow. 

Other then the melody of low radio music filling the small space, the ride was quiet. Kei couldn't say he was expecting the silence, but it wasn't surprising, either. He had no qualms letting Tetsurou stew on his own thoughts. It'd been a taxing day for them both. And tomorrow...

Kei closed his eyes, feeling the heater kick in and blow warm air against his face. It felt good. Relaxing. Distracting. But it couldn't last long, because Crestle wasn't a large town, and Tetsurou was already pulling into his apartment complex's parking lot. Even with his eyes closed, Kei knew they had parked, feeling the car come to a stand-still. The engine didn't die, however.

Kei opened his eyes and looked over at Tetsurou curiously. The raven was staring ahead, through the windshield, tapping his thumb against the steering wheel. 

“You sure you don't want to spend your last night with your parents, now that they're back and all?” Tetsurou asked, finally looking over. “We could grab your stuff and drive over there.”

Kei's eyebrows knitted together in the middle of his forehead.

“What?” Kei asked. He had slumped down in his seat so the warm air could hit his face directly, but now he sat up straight, thrown by the sudden question. Hadn't Tetsurou, just hours before, said he wanted Kei to stay? A terrible feeling suddenly twisted in his gut, doubts clawing up his throat. Did... did Tetsurou change his mind? Was it too awkward to be friends, now that Kei had admitted his feelings? Had Kei made Tetsurou that uncomfortable with his comment when they danced? Kei thought he'd be ready to face anything because the need to get his feelings out had been so _overwhelming_ , but if he'd ruined what they _did_ have, it...

It'd crush him.

Kei swallowed painfully, determined to keep those fears shoved down until Tetsurou explained himself. But Tetsurou looked nervous and it made that terrible feeling in his gut grow stronger.

“I just...” Tetsurou trailed off, sighing sharply, as if frustrated. He leaned back in his seat, taking his hands off the wheel and splaying them in the air. “I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'm trying really hard to just act normal.. act like I'm not bothered by Keiji getting married, act like I'm not bothered by your confession, but I feel like I'm making it worse. I don't want to upset you, but I _am_ upsetting you, and... is it selfish of me to ask you to stay with me tonight?”

Kei took a deep, steadying breath, feeling shaken. His worst fear, that Tetsurou would want to cut him off, was unfounded. However, it was clear that Kei's confession had ruined something... there would always be an elephant in the room. This wasn't something they could just brush aside, wasn't something they could just forget and move on from. It would always exist as some unspoken underlining to their relationship, and it would give birth to confusion, hesitance, strain.

Tetsurou had claimed Kei to be brave for confessing.

Maybe being a coward would have been better.

“I'm sorry,” Kei managed, the words muttered as he dragged his gaze away from Tetsurou and out the window. The snow continued to fall.

“Sor- what are you apologizing for?” Tetsurou asked.

“Because I don't want to upset you, either,” Kei said, clenching his jaw. 

“You're not upsetting me, Kei,” Tetsurou insisted. But he was. It was in the way salt had been mistaken for sugar. It was in the way Tetsurou's face had fallen when Kei had bluntly approached the subject. It was in the way, even now, that Tetsurou was second-guessing himself. “I'm trying to make sure that I'm not hurting you.”

“Well stop,” Kei said, crossing his arms over his stomach and tugging them tightly to himself. “If you want me to go to my parent's, I will.”

“I don't _want_ you to,” Tetsurou sighed.

“Then what was the _point_ of bringing it up-”

“Maybe the fact it's hard for you to be around me?” Tetsurou said, his voice rising enough to make Kei's throat feel tight. “I felt like I'd been punched in the gut when you mentioned trying to get over me. I felt like an asshole, because there I was, casually dancing with you right after you'd told me... and I- oh my God, Kei, _please_ don't cry.”

It was kind of ironic, that those specific words were what triggered the warm, salty pools lining the rims of his eyes to overflow. He turned his face further away from Tetsurou, so he wouldn't have to see it, angry that he couldn't stop it. Silence descended upon the car. Kei was clenching his jaw, trying his hardest to get to a point where he could speak without wobbly words. It was frustrating, and his head felt hot, and now he wished that the warm air wasn't blasting right on him.

He swallowed, and then reached up to wipe the tears away. It left damp streaks against his cheeks. 

Taking another steadying breath, he turned back toward Tetsurou. The raven was leaned forward, resting his forehead against the wheel, fringe covering his eyes, so Kei couldn't see whether they were open or not. His chest tightened at the sight, guilt licking at his skin, knowing that if he just hadn't said anything, just waited another day and a half, he would have never witnessed Tetsurou like this.

He would have never witnessed himself like this, either.

“Tetsurou,” Kei called, glad that his voice didn't waver. Tetsurou didn't move, but Kei plowed on. “I don't need you to walk on eggshells around me. I don't need you to ask yourself whether or not something is a good idea when it comes to me. I know you won't hurt me on purpose. It's my stupid feelings that get in the way, so let me deal with that. And if you say you can't do that, then you're a hypocrite.”

Tetsurou had done the same, shouldered all the burden of his feelings for Keiji for years. If there was anyone who would understand, it was Tetsurou.

It took a moment, but the raven finally lifted himself from the steering wheel, leaning back against the seat and taking hold of the key. With a flick of his wrist, the engine died.

“I'll try,” Tetsurou agreed. It wasn't the answer Kei wanted, and a part of him bristled, wanting to respond. But Tetsurou turned to look at him, then, with an almost shy smile and tired eyes, and Kei felt the objection die in his throat. “Then... tea or coffee?”

Kei recognized it as a truce, a way to navigate them out of this tense atmosphere that had engulfed them. He unbuckled his seat-belt.

“Tea, please,” Kei replied.

They made their way up to Tetsurou's apartment, banging their shoes against the door-frame to knock the snow off them before walking inside. Tetsurou went to the kitchen to make tea and throw some pizza rolls in the oven, insisting the cake and hors de'oeuvres at the wedding weren't enough to get him through the night. Kei had closed himself up in Tetsurou's room to change out of his suit and into something comfy before grabbing his suitcase from where it'd been sitting in the corner of the room and beginning to pack up what he could. When Tetsurou knocked on the door, letting him know the tea was ready, Kei traded him spots, taking his tea out into the living room and letting Tetsurou change in his room.

It wasn't... comfortable, exactly, but at least Kei didn't feel like he was wound up tight. As conflicted as he felt about leaving Crestle again, he reasoned that it would be a good thing. He needed space from Tetsurou, no matter how much his heart yearned for the closeness. He hoped that, now that it was out in the open and he'd been rejected, he'd finally be able to let it go, convinced that, if he could only do that, that things really would return to normal. 

But what was normal?

He'd been in love with Tetsurou for half of his life. Being in love with Tetsurou _was_ his 'normal'.

How cruel.

He took a sip of his tea too quickly, wincing when the liquid burned his tongue. Frustrated with himself, he grabbed the control and turned on the television. A weather reporter walked across the screen, gesturing to the maps behind her.

“... snow will continue to fall throughout the night. Temperatures will remain below freezing for several days to come.”

Kei scowled at the television. Stupid northern weather. Why couldn't his hometown be in a desert?

When Tetsurou emerged from his bedroom, it was dawning a t-shirt and pajama pants that made him look terribly soft and no, Kei berated himself, he would not have those thoughts anymore, damn it.

“Do you need help packing?” Tetsurou asked.

“No. Come drink your tea before it gets cold,” Kei replied.

“I could always microwave it,” Tetsurou said, but listening anyway. Kei felt the couch cushion dip as Tetsurou took a seat beside him, close, but not touching. As Tetsurou sipped his tea, Kei flipped through channels, trying to find something decent to land on. “I have a collection of movies, if you want to pop one in.”

“... a collection of movies you have sounds dubious,” Kei remarked, even as he set down the control and made his way over to the movie rack. The lack of come-back was not lost on Kei, but he ran his finger down the DVD spines anyway. He stopped on a certain title, blinking and reading it again. He whipped his head back toward Tetsurou. “You have The Land Before Time on DVD?”

Tetsurou's eyes widened and Kei felt a laugh bubbling up his throat.

“Oh my God, Tetsurou, you used to give me shit about liking this movie throughout my childhood and you have it on DVD?” Kei asked, tone accusing through his laughter. A pink hue ran across Tetsurou's cheeks.

“Somebody must have sneaked in and put that there,” Tetsurou said haughtily, taking another drink of his tea. Kei was fairly certain he was hiding a smile in his teacup. 

“Unbelievable,” Kei sighed, looking back at the movie cases.

“... you should put it in,” Tetsurou said.

“Are you serious?” Kei snorted.

“Nostalgia purposes,” Tetsurou explained. 

“Throwing up from the merry-go-round, liking this movie, anything else you want to confess to while you're on a roll?” Kei taunted, sliding the DVD out of its slot. 

“... that gigantic toad that was in Hitoka's room. That was me,” Tetsurou said. Kei's jaw dropped.

“... she slept with our parents for over a week because she was too afraid a toad was going to jump on her face in her sleep!” Kei exclaimed. Tetsurou's laughter was loud and obnoxious, and he cowered when Kei walked over and swatted at him with the DVD.

“I was a little shit, yeah,” Tetsurou laughed.

“'Was',” Kei repeated mockingly. He ignored the fond tug at his heart and busied himself with inserting the DVD into the player. This, watching an old favorite cartoon and eating pizza rolls with his best friend, was comfortable. For another moment, Kei could forget everything else, block out the insecurities and demands of adult life, and have fun. And if his fingers brushed Tetsurou's in search of another pizza roll, he could push down the butterflies and laugh, knowing a dream is just a dream, and determined that it would fade with time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every comment is so very appreciated, I cry.


	13. As Time Goes By

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time skip here. It's embedded in the story, but in case there is any confusion, chapters 1 - 12 took place in November. The scene in this chapter takes place the following July. So it's been 8+ months.

**Chapter 13**

Falling back into his everyday life was as easy as falling asleep after a warm bath. He'd wake up before the sun rose and drink a cup of tea or coffee, depending on his mood, as he fiddled around on his laptop. He'd then get ready for work and drive the fifteen minutes it took to get there. He'd greet his coworkers and answer any questions if they came up before working away in his own cubicle. He'd go home around four and cook himself some dinner before finding ways to entertain himself in the comfort of his apartment. On weekends, he'd venture into town to buy groceries and occasionally get snagged by the old lady next door who would be genuinely confused as to why her computer was only typing in capital letters. 

Going through such normalcy made it feel like his trip to Crestle had been nothing but a dream. Then, he'd see the ring on Keiji's finger during their video chats, or he'd feel the discomfiture that still permeated around him when he'd speak with Tetsurou on the phone, and he'd be reassured, again, that it was far from a dream.

Despite those things, Kei had kept his promises. He called Tetsurou at least once a week, sometimes just on the phone, and sometimes on video chat. Kei wouldn't go as far as to say the conversation was strained, because it wasn't, but there was something a little different. It was probably just the knowledge of Kei's big fat pathetic feelings out in the open being something Kei could never shake, because as many times as he told himself it was over and done with and they could just fall back into what they were, he knew that was an impossible task. Something was _different_ , and that difference was now their normal. 

Kei's other promise, not to wait another four years before going back to Crestle, was also kept. He'd accepted his parent's invitation to come home for Christmas, considering his mom wouldn't stop pouting about being unable to see her son for very long at all on his last visit. When he'd stopped by Tetsurou's bar, unannounced, the night before Christmas Eve, and had received a surprised but happy grin from Tetsurou himself, there were still butterflies in his chest. 

It was going to take a long while for those to go away, he supposed.

In March, Kei had been taken by surprise when a coworker asked him out for coffee. Usually, it was something he'd turn down immediately, because dating seemed like a hassle and his feelings had always been with someone else. But on that day, he'd hesitated. That simple fact alone gave him hope, and he'd agreed to coffee. 

It wasn't a bad date, by any stretch of the imagination. They both worked in the same field, in the same place, so there were many topics of conversation and many of the same beliefs. The coffee was good, the booth they'd chosen was tucked into a corner, and the other guy had offered to pay. When they'd left, he'd walked Kei to his car and hadn't even expected a kiss, looking sheepish as he explained how he noticed Kei liked to be on his own often and that he respected that and would go as slow as Kei wanted. Kei had been taken aback, but pleased. And again, he found himself with a little bit of hope that his feelings for Tetsurou would fade. 

In the end, whether it had to do with his feelings for Tetsurou or not, they'd broke it off after the fourth date. It was respectful and mutual, of which Kei was exceedingly grateful, given that they worked in the same department. 

He told Keiji about all of it.

He told Tetsurou none of it.

“Come home for the Fourth of July,” Tetsurou had said on video chat near the end of June. Kei was stretched out on his couch, laptop in his lap and television on, though he wouldn't have had a clue what show he was actually watching, too caught up with the man on the screen.

“So you can accidentally light a bush on fire again? No thank you,” Kei replied, lips tilted upward in amusement. 

“That was one time,” Tetsurou insisted, holding up one finger for emphasis. “But seriously. Koutarou and Keiji want to go down to the riverfront and watch the fireworks there. Keiji wants me to go, and I want to, but a couple looking up at the night sky while fireworks go off? How romantic is that? I'll totally be a third wheel.”

Kei clicked the date on his computer screen as he listened, looking at the calendar that popped up. July 4th was on a Saturday, which meant he wouldn't have to take off work. Driving, round-trip, eight hours just for a weekend hardly seemed worth it, though.

“Can't you find a date?” Kei asked. He immediately felt awkward for asking, and the expression on Tetsurou's face wasn't helping anything.

“... um,” Tetsurou said, blinking, looking away from the monitor for a second, and then back. “I mean, I guess? Seems kinda cheap to ask someone out just because I don't want to be a third wheel, though.”

And in that sentence was an unanswered question that had always been in the back of Kei's mind. One that he'd been too afraid of bringing up, because how incredibly awkward would it be to ask someone you confessed to if they were seeing anyone? Tetsurou and Kei hadn't even touched the topic of dating with a ten foot pole since he'd left Crestle back in November.

Tetsurou was still single.

Not that that piece of information mattered.

“... but you're okay with making me drive four hours so you aren't the third wheel,” Kei teased. He watched as Tetsurou threw his hands into the air.

“Okay, whatever. Thought I would invite you out of the kindness of my heart, but obviously, it's not appreciated!” Tetsurou spoke dramatically, and Kei snorted.

When Kei brought it up to Keiji, he was immediately bombarded with pleas to go. Which was what brought him to the present time, once again back in Crestle on the night of July 3rd, sitting in the passenger seat of Keiji's car. Bags of fireworks were stashed in the back, proof of a trip to town. Now, they parked in front of Tetsurou's bar, and it grew quiet as Keiji cut the engine. 

“Koutarou should already be here,” Keiji commented as they got out. A stark contrast to the last time Kei was here, the night air was pleasantly warm.

“I hope he doesn't come barreling at me for a hug,” Kei replied. Contrary to his wishes, that was exactly what happened.

“Keiji! Kei!” Koutarou yelled, rather loudly, after the little bell announced their arrival. In the way he slid off the stool alone, Kei could tell he'd had more than a few drinks. That was exactly how he managed to trip over his own feet, stomping forward in an attempt to catch himself. While he succeeded in not falling over, he didn't succeed in not hitting anyone. Particularly, a certain someone who'd been trying to walk between Koutarou and Kei with two mugs of beer in his hands. That certain someone yelped as Koutarou ran into his side, pushing him into Kei and sloshing the beer all over Kei's shirt and his own arm. Kei tensed at the wetness seeping into his shirt.

“Oh shoot-”

“Koutarou-”

“I'm so sorry, sir!” The guy in front of him exclaimed, taking a step back and looking, wide-eyed, at the spill on Kei's shirt, and then guiltily up at him. He was a brunette with freckles, and a quick sweep of his outfit concluded he was wearing the same apron that Tetsurou wore. “Aahh... let me have your shirt! I'll go rinse it in the sink right now! I have stain sticks if it stains!”

“It's fine,” Kei said begrudgingly, peeling the shirt away from his chest. Taking the shirt off in front of a bunch of strangers was not going to happen. He'd just have to run back to his parents' house.

“Tadashi, I told you not to run favors for people,” Tetsurou's voice came, and Kei looked back up. Even if the tone was stern, he was smirking at Kei. “I know I've said you got some fashion sense in these past years, but I don't think this fashion statement is going to fly.”

Kei gave him the middle finger.

“Really, I'll wash it,” the guy – Tadashi – said, fretting.

“I don't live far from here. I'll just go change. Keiji, can I borrow your keys?” Kei asked. Keiji turned a glare to Tetsurou, though.

“How much did you let him drink?” Keiji asked, an arm protectively around his husband, who seemed content in hugging Keiji close to him. Tetsurou put his hands up.

“He's a big guy. Thought he could take his alcohol,” Tetsurou replied.

“Are you sure?” Tadashi asked, again. Kei raised an eyebrow at him. He sort of reminded him of Hitoka, with how fretful she could get. And who was this, anyway? Last thing Kei knew, it was only Tetsurou and Yaku who worked here. But more importantly, it seemed every single pair of eyes in the bar was looking over at him, and Kei really did not like the feeling.

“Yes, I'm sure,” Kei said curtly to Tadashi before turning once again to Keiji. “Keys.”

“No need for that,” Tetsurou said, waving his hand in the air. “I have an extra shirt of mine in the back. Imagine how many times this kind of thing has happened to me.”

Kei's eyebrows furrowed. It really wasn't a big deal-

“I'll take these and get those guys refills. Seriously, we're not a restaurant. They can come up to the bar and get their drinks,” Tetsurou said, giving a pointed look at Tadashi as he relieved the man of the mugs of beer. Tadashi frowned, his eyes casting an unsure look at some patrons near the window before he nodded at Tetsurou. “Can you take Kei back and show him where my shirt is?”

“Yes!” Tadashi replied, shuffling toward a door behind the bar. Kei sighed, knowing the decision had been made for him, considering Keiji was sitting at the bar with Koutarou and Tetsurou was busily wiping the glasses and refilling them. Tadashi waited at the door, looking at him expectantly, so Kei followed.

The back room was nothing special, but Kei found himself looking around out of curiosity. He'd never been back there before. Shelves lined the walls, stocked with glasses and different bottles. There was also cooking equipment, surely left behind from the diner the place used to be. Tadashi walked to the corner of the room where the coat-hangers were, devoid of any coats due to the season, and picked up a folded shirt on the counter.

“Here you go! And I know I keep saying it, but I'm sorry, again,” Tadashi said, handing over the shirt. 

“This is clean, right?” Kei asked, eyeing the shirt dubiously. Tadashi's eyes widened before he snorted a laugh.

“As far as I know, it is,” Tadashi replied. Kei unfolded it and held it up. While he and Tetsurou were around the same height, Tetsurou definitely had a bigger build. It would be too big, no doubt, but it wouldn't be swimming on him, at least.

“So when did you start working here?” Kei asked. He didn't much care about the response, but it was something to fill the awkwardness of being alone with someone he didn't know while he tugged the beer-soaked shirt above his head.

“... a month ago,” Tadashi answered, after a bit of a pause. After expertly extracting the material from his body without nudging his glasses, Kei glanced over at the freckled man. His eyes, brown, Kei could determine in the white fluorescent lighting of the room, though not the same dark shade of brown that Tetsurou's were, were definitely directed downwards, at Kei's waist. They snapped up at the movement, though, and Tadashi continued, “Tetsurou seemed to know you! I've never seen you here before.”

Kei slipped Tetsurou's shirt on before he replied. He should have expected it, but Tetsurou's scent overwhelmed him in the moment the material slipped over his head. The familiarity made his chest tighten, and he mentally berated himself. There would be absolutely none of that.

“We're childhood friends,” Kei offered. He could tell Tadashi had questions on the tip of his tongue, could see the interest in his eyes (for what, exactly?), so he held out his shirt to take the attention away. “The offer still up for you to wash this? Or at least soak it?”

“Of course!” Tadashi exclaimed, snatching the shirt dutifully and spinning around to walk him back out into the bar. Tadashi headed straight for the sink. Kei noticed Tetsurou at the far end of the bar, kneeling down to reach the bottom shelf for whatever reason, and took the opportunity to sneak up behind him.

“Who's the puppy?” Kei asked, grinning when he saw Tetsurou's body jump. Tetsurou twisted his head to glare up at Kei.

“Puppy? You mean Tadashi?” Tetsurou asked. The fact he understood the reference so readily solidified his first impression of Tadashi. “New hire. Yaku was getting tired of me splitting on him.”

There was a smirk on his lips as he said it, and Kei took a step back as Tetsurou stood and turned toward him. The raven crossed his arms, giving Kei a once-over that made Kei suddenly self-conscious. 

“It's big,” Kei said, crossing his arms as well. 

“It is,” Tetsurou agreed. “You let your hair grow out a bit, too. Looks good.”

Kei was happy with the compliment, but wasn't going to give Tetsurou the pleasure of knowing that.

“I've just been lazy. It's too hot for it to not be cut short,” Kei replied.

“Too cold. Too hot. You're a picky one, aren't you?” Tetsurou chuckled.

“I am. Speaking of, I'm going to get some free alcohol again, right?” Kei asked, tilting his head.

“Absolutely not,” Tetsurou denied, managing to look serious for 1.5 seconds before that grin was back and he was leaning forward, as if to share a secret. Kei did not back away from the closeness. “Go sit down. A drink may magically appear.”

His eyes twinkled playfully as he laid his hand against Kei's chest and halfheartedly pushed. Kei allowed himself to be pushed, huffing before spinning on his heel and walking around the bar. He had to force himself to wipe the smile on his face. 

It was always so nice to see Tetsurou again.

As the night dragged on, Kei became increasingly more aware of why Tetsurou hadn't wanted to be a third wheel with Koutarou and Keiji. Kei wasn't sure if it was just because they had alcohol in their systems (even though Koutarou had been drinking nothing but water for a while) or what, but they were so lovey-dovey that it was almost sickening. Sickening in a too-much-sugar kind of way; not necessarily _bad_ , but overwhelming. Kei thought it was cute, but at the same time, he could see where that hand was going-

“I don't think anyone in here came for a show,” Kei commented dryly, eyeing the couple. 

“What show?” Keiji challenged. The look he gave Kei proved he knew exactly what Kei meant, but did not give a single fuck, letting Koutarou nuzzle at his neck. Kei made a show of pretending to stick his finger down his throat before tossing the last of his beer back. “If you're jealous, go make a show of your own. Tadashi's been looking this way all night.”

Kei placed the empty beer bottle on the bar and glanced over to where the other man was behind the bar. He wasn't looking at Kei in the moment, and Kei opened his mouth, ready to invalidate the claim. However, before any sound could escape his lips, Tadashi looked over and caught his eye. He looked surprised that Kei was looking back, but offered a smile regardless. Kei waited until he turned his back to Tadashi to frown at Keiji, who looked entirely too smug for his own good.

Ugh, troublesome.

“I'm taking this,” Kei announced, grabbing Keiji's half-full beer and sliding off the bar stool. Keiji made a protest that Kei ignored, making his way over to a shuffleboard table along the side wall. It'd always been there, as far as Kei remembered, but he'd never taken much interest in it. Tonight, he'd seen two older men compete against each other for fun, but they had left at least an hour earlier. Now it looked lonely.

Kei briefly wondered how many drinks he'd had to think an inanimate game looked lonely, but whatever. His main purpose was to get away from the married couple before clothes started falling off.

Speaking of clothes, Tetsurou's shirt was soft. He liked it.

Taking another swig of beer, he eyed the shuffleboard. He'd never played before, but he got the gist. Throw the puck and try to get it as close to the edge of the board as possible without it going over. Didn't seem very hard.

His first puck went soaring off the board and he clicked his tongue. The little pucks were a lot more slippery than he thought. His second try produced a shot much too soft... it barely made it half-way down the board. Displeased, Kei kept trying.

“Here.”

Kei stopped when he heard the voice. Looking over, he saw Tadashi next to him, holding out a bottle of beer. Kei raised a brow.

“I have one,” Kei said, pointing at the bottle he'd sat on the edge of the shuffleboard.

“It's almost gone, right?” Tadashi asked. Kei lifted his bottle, realizing there was only a bit left, and drank it.

“Guess so,” Kei said, taking Tadashi's offering. “You sure you aren't going to get in trouble delivering drinks to people like earlier?”

Tadashi looked a little embarrassed at that.

“Well I mean... you're an exception, right? Because I spilled beer all over you,” Tadashi said sheepishly. Kei popped the cap of his new beer and took another drink, pleased at how cold it was.

“If you want to call it that,” Kei said, taking another shot. Better, but still not very good. Hearing a snicker, Kei turned back to Tadashi.

“Sorry, sorry. Have you ever played before?” Tadashi asked.

“Am I that bad?” Kei asked.

“Not terrible, I guess,” Tadashi teased. Kei snorted, walking around the table to collect his pucks. He kept expecting Tadashi to leave, to do his job, but he lingered. It made Kei absolutely sure the guy was interested in that way, as if the staring at his body when he took off his shirt wasn't telling enough. Poor him. He'd probably seen the same people over and over in this small town that a newbie showing up left him starstruck. God, had Kei went to school with him? If he did, Tadashi didn't remember either, considering his earlier comment. How young was he, anyway? These were all things his mind considered as he played. Upon sliding his last puck, he realized Tadashi was on the other end of the table, ready to send his pucks flying back toward him. The very first puck he tossed back stopped perfectly at the edge of the board where Kei stood, hanging over just a tad without falling off. Kei gaped.

“... how the fuck do you do that?” Kei asked, almost angrily. Tadashi laughed and slid another puck. This one wasn't as impressive, but it almost made it to the edge.

“I play this when I'm bored, too,” Tadashi commented, sliding the final puck and making his way back toward Kei.

“I wasn't bored,” Kei refuted.

“Do you make it a habit of playing shuffleboard alone in bars?” Tadashi asked. Kei's eyes narrowed at the snark.

“Do you make it a habit to flirt with guys playing shuffleboard alone in bars?” Kei challenged. He felt triumphant seeing Tadashi's jaw drop.

“Um,” Tadashi stumbled, looking at a loss for words for a moment. Then, he straightened, his expression morphing into something more nonchalant as he shrugged his shoulders. “I mean, if he's cute?”

It was so easy to tell the guy was nervous. Kei felt a little bad.

“I don't even live in this state. Stop while you're ahead,” Kei commented, leaning down to take another shot. He overshot again, and the puck fell from the board. 

“Being ahead is a good sign, though,” Tadashi countered with a smile. Kei regarded him a moment, a string of words rolling around in his mind, forming his next sentence.

He didn't get the chance to say it.

“Tadashi.”

That voice was like a bucket of ice water, and it had nothing to do with that fact the tone was angry. It hit Kei with the reality that he was back in Crestle, arguably flirting with a man hired by someone Kei had loved for over half of his life, in his bar, _in front of him_. In an instant, Kei felt a wave of guilt rush through his veins, before he realized he had nothing to feel guilty _about_.

It was a strange feeling.

He was going to blame it on the alcohol.

Poor Tadashi looked like he could use some alcohol, going ramrod straight and looking panicked at the new company.

“Run the bar,” Tetsurou demanded, tossing a thumb at said bar.

“Yes sir,” Tadashi answered, speed-walking to the bar. Kei felt just a little dumb, standing there, watching Tadashi leave and then turning his gaze to Tetsurou, without anything to say. Tetsurou looked back at him for a moment before blinking.

“How many of those have you had?” Tetsurou asked, gesturing his head toward the beer bottles. Kei looked down and wrapped his hand around his latest one, feeling the condensation against his palm.

“Don't you dare go all big brother on me when you obviously let Koutarou get smashed earlier,” Kei accused. The words felt cottony against his tongue. He had absolutely despised being referred to as a 'brother' to Tetsurou, for obvious reasons, for so long. _Why_ did he have to use that term?

Tetsurou seemed surprised by it, too.

“... well, if you've drank so much that you're flirting with people, that's a huge red flag,” Tetsurou said, with a small laugh. It made Kei wonder if the raven had actually heard some of their conversation. How could he have gotten the notion of flirting if he hadn't? 

Why was it _bothering_ Kei so much?

“Never _wanted_ to flirt with anyone before,” Kei said, taking another drink of his beer. He felt... defensive. And maybe a little light-headed. Actually, Tetsurou's question was pretty valid. How many had he had?

“... right,” Tetsurou said, maybe a little awkwardly. His eyebrows furrowed, as if he were contemplating something, as if he had something to say, but the look died. He ended up gesturing toward Koutarou and Keiji. “Those two are smashed, you're smashed, I'm taking you all home.”

“I'm not smashed,” Kei rebutted, but was otherwise obedient in climbing into Tetsurou's car with the rest of them. He didn't even give Tadashi a glance as he left, and had to deal with Bokuto falling asleep against his shoulder for the short car ride. 

He was happy that fireworks were at night, because getting up early the next day was definitely not a thing that was going to happen. For any of them. Except maybe Tetsurou, whose shirt he didn't even realize he was still wearing until his mom asked him about the too-large size.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should be one more chapter. Thanks for sticking with me! And Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate it!


	14. KT TK KA KB

**Chapter 14**

“We'll be there in ten minutes.”

Keiji's voice, fuzzy due to being on speaker phone, filtered through the cell lying on Kei's dresser. Kei was in the process of cleaning his glasses when the words made his fingers pause.

“You said you'd be here at six-fifteen,” Kei said dubiously. The clock on his wall, one that was miraculously still working since it'd been placed there during his fifth year of school, read quarter to six. He sat on a bed in his childhood bedroom, an open suitcase at his feet and Kuroo's newly-washed shirt folded at his side. Other than a pair of converse sitting by the front door of his parent's home, Kei was ready to go, so it wasn't that big of a deal if his friends were early in picking him up. Regardless, the blood in his veins seemed to rush a little faster. He set aside the cloth and slipped the glasses back onto the bridge of his nose.

“That was said before we took the fact we have to stop by the convenience store into account,” Keiji explained. There were muffled sounds right after the statement, as if something was rustling around. Then, Tetsurou's voice came through the speaker, loudly, as if he were yelling.

“Kei! What kind of drinks are you wanting, because Koutarou wants like ten different things and our cooler is going to be full-”

“I don't want ten different things!” Koutarou's voice exclaimed in the background. “I just want variety! Maybe some soda, some green tea, of course beer-”

“Like I said, ten different things,” Tetsurou repeated.

“You shouldn't even be talking on the phone! You're _driving-_ ”

“It's on speaker phone-”

“And yet you're still holding the phone!” Koutarou yelled. Kei shook his head at their antics, pushing himself off the mattress to take hold of the cell. He turned off speaker phone mode and held the cell to his ear.

“Tetsurou, hand over the phone. You'll get a ticket before the night even begins,” Kei scolded. He was smiling, but it wasn't like Tetsurou could see that. There was more shuffling.

“Phone safely acquired,” Keiji spoke.

“Good. Then I'm going to get off the phone so I'm ready when you guys pull up,” Kei replied, grabbing Kuroo's shirt and making his way out of the room. “And I'm in the mood for soda.”

Kei had decided he wasn't going to drink tonight. There needed to be at least one designated driver left by the end of the night so they could make it home in one piece. But along with that, Kei was determined not to put himself in any more potentially embarrassing situations, like the awkward flirting with Tadashi from the previous night. Tetsurou was right... if Kei was drunk enough to start flirting with others, there was definitely something wrong. Especially if he was flirting right in front of Tetsurou-

Which really _did not_ matter.

Not anymore.

Kei hung up, making his way into the living room. His parents were sitting in reclining chairs, watching something that looked like the news, and his mom looked up at his entrance.

“Almost time to go?” Reina asked. Then, before Kei could even open his mouth to answer, her eyes widened. “Oh, honey, I found one of those little electric fans and laid it on the table, there. You should bring it with you. It's going to be warm.”

Kei saw the pocket-sized fan on the table and grabbed it, using the attached key-chain to hook it to a loop in his jeans. 

“Thanks. And yeah, they'll be here any time,” Kei answered, slipping into his converse and kneeling down to tie them. 

“Call me if you need anything!” Reina insisted. A grown man, Kei may be, but he'd always be his mom's little boy. “Oh, you might even run into Akiteru. He's going out to the lake with his girlfriend.”

Kei pulled his shoestrings uncomfortably tight and looked up at his mom in surprise.

“Girlfriend?” Kei parroted, off-guard. His mom's eyebrows raised and she twisted further in her chair to face him.

“He didn't tell you?” Reina asked. 

It wasn't like Akiteru and he never talked. Of course they did, every time Kei came to visit, and every now and then on the phone. Kei wasn't stupid though; the Akiteru he was used to could ramble on about Heaven-only-knows-what for hours, but it'd been quite a long time since it'd happened. 'Quite a long time' being since November of last year, after Tetsurou had snuffed him at Keiji's wedding. One would think Akiteru would be mad at Tetsurou and not Kei, but Kei had a feeling it was about what was said.

Kuroo had said Kei wanted to be with him but didn't want to be with Akiteru.

It was nothing but the truth, at that time. Kei had been irritated with his brother and obviously pleased with getting to dance with Tetsurou. But that irritation faded with time, especially since Akiteru hadn't dared bring up Tetsurou since. 

Kei far from hated his brother. He just hated the way his brother thought of Tetsurou.

While he was pretty certain that Tetsurou's words had hurt him that night, he figured Akiteru would get over it. Something as big as not mentioning he was dating someone, though... maybe Kei needed to corner his brother into a conversation.

Troublesome.

Kei was startled by a sudden, loud, continuous car horn going off. He shot the front door a glare, as if his eyes could pierce through the wood, and he heard his mom laugh.

“Have fun!” Reina said.

“Night,” his father said, holding up a hand in farewell. Kei made sure to grab Tetsurou's shirt and his keys, bidding them good-night and hurrying out the door, if only for Tetsurou to stop laying on the horn. Said man poked his head out of the open driver's side window, grinning in the way he did when something stupid was about to come out of his mouth-

“Get in, loser, we're going shopping!” Tetsurou yelled, finally taking his hand off the horn. Koutarou's laughter was boisterous from inside the car. Kei cringed as he approached.

“Did you seriously just quote Mean Girls?” Kei asked incredulously. As he rounded the car, he realized the two love-birds had chosen to sit in the back, and wow, he certainly wasn't going to complain as he climbed inside and took the much-sought-after shot-gun position.

“He says, as if that's the most ridiculous thing Tetsurou has done,” Keiji said sarcastically. Kei smirked and held up the black shirt in his hand.

“This is yours,” Kei said. Tetsurou grabbed hold of it and laid it on his lap.

“And we have yours. Beer free,” Tetsurou said, looking in the rear-view mirror pointedly as he backed out of the driveway. Koutarou took that as his cue to grab Kei's shirt from the backseat and hold it in-between the two front seats.

“I hardly even remember what happened, but I'm sorry I bumped into that guy,” Koutarou said as Kei took the shirt. 

“Wonder why _that_ is,” Tetsurou jabbed.

“Excuse me if I enjoy my alcohol,” Koutarou rebutted. Kei almost jumped when Keiji's face was suddenly leaning past his headrest, voice right in his ear.

“Tadashi wanted me to tell you that he'd love to play shuffleboard with you again,” Keiji whispered, snickering. Kei groaned, glaring at Keiji's shit-eating grin.

“Hey, now, there will be no secrets shared in my car,” Tetsurou announced, glancing over curiously. Keiji chuckled and leaned back into his seat. 

“Koutarou, I have something extremely secret to tell you,” Keiji said to spite him, leaning over and cupping his husband's ear. Koutarou grinned, leaning closer. Kei was almost certain Keiji was whispering absolute nonsense.

“No respect,” Tetsurou scoffed. Kei snorted at the display, his spirits high in the company of his friends. The drive to the market seemed incredibly short with all the ruckus going on in the car, and once inside the market, Kei realized Tetsurou was not exaggerating in the least by saying Koutarou wanted a bit of everything.

“But why are you making me choose between Arizona and Snapple?!” Koutarou exclaimed, distressed as he held both types of tea in his hands.

“Because we already have all of this!” Tetsurou retorted, gesturing wildly to the variety of drinks already in their cart.

“Our cooler is only so big, Kou,” Keiji said, patting Koutarou's back.

“Kei got both of his green teas!” Koutarou stressed.

“Kei only asked for two bottles. Half the things in this cart are yours,” Tetsurou laughed, shaking his head. Koutarou humphed, and continued to pout as they paid for their things and exited the store. They filled their cooler, stashing some of the extra drinks in the trunk and pouring a bag of ice over what was in the cooler. Kei had just put the lid on, trapping the cold inside, when he noticed Keiji had huddled close to Koutarou, sweetly pecking his lips as if it was going to placate him. Koutarou was definitely playing into it just to keep Keiji's attention. Kei felt Tetsurou's presence next to him. “See? This is what I was talking about. The mush pair are at it again. I would have died being the third wheel.”

It was said intentionally loud, so said pair would hear. Koutarou laughed, and Keiji turned to them with a smile and eyes just a little too mischievous.

“Good thing you have a date, too,” Keiji said. Kei immediately wanted to die and strangle Keiji at the same time, for even bringing up the topic. This was not a date. The alarm he felt grew more insistent when there was no automatic comeback from Tetsurou. Kei was not going to allow this to get weird.

“Who, his right hand?” Kei asked wryly, opening the back door. He heard laughter, most likely from Koutarou and Keiji, and an indignant squawk from Tetsurou.

“Wow, rude,” Tetsurou emphasized. Kei couldn't see their expressions as he leaned down, digging into the bags of fireworks he and Keiji had bought the day before. Finding what he was looking for, he fumbled to open the box before straightening and closing the door with a thunk. 

“But seriously,” Kei started, reaching in the box and grabbing hold of several round bang snaps. He reared his arm back and threw a handful at the ground between Koutarou and Keiji, delighted when the loud bangs ricocheted off the surrounding cars and made the two jump three feet in the air. “PDA is gross.”

“Holy shit!” Koutarou yelled, throwing a hand over his chest, looking terribly startled. Behind Kei, Tetsurou began laughing obnoxiously, and Kei felt himself smile in response.

“Oh, you're going to pay for that-” Keiji started, grinning wickedly and walking toward Kei. Kei immediately grabbed more from the box and threw them at Keiji's feet, causing the raven to yelp and jump out of the way.

It was too late when Kei registered the war cry that filled the air. Koutarou came charging toward him, and Kei was too slow to scoop up more bang snaps before those strong arms wrapped themselves around Kei's body and squeezed. Kei was so startled by the breath being knocked out of him that he dropped the box of bang snaps. It hit the ground, scattering many of the tiny white fireworks.

“Keiji, get them!” Koutarou yelled as Kei squirmed in his grip. It was literally unfair how helpless Kei felt, trapped in Koutarou's arms, but he kicked aggressively, apprehensive when Keiji swooped down to grab the fallen bang snaps.

“Don't you dare-” Kei was able to get out before Keiji threw a bang snap right at his leg. It exploded against his calf, offering a sting that made Kei hiss.

“My turn!” Koutarou exclaimed jubilantly.

“You have to hold him,” Keiji said, laughing. Koutarou's head swiveled over to Tetsurou, and Kei struggled more as Koutarou waddled over with him in his arms.

“Take him!” Koutarou exclaimed, all but shoving Kei into Tetsurou's arms. The blond felt his back collide with Tetsurou's chest, felt the new arms wrap around him, pinning his own arms at his sides. Heard Tetsurou's laughter close against his ear. It really shouldn't have made a difference, who was holding him down, but being in Tetsurou's arms was an entirely different feeling. It was being aware of every movement, every place their skin brushed. It was his heart hammering, not out of adrenaline or fear, but out of nervousness. It was heat pouring into his cheeks as Tetsurou's hair tickled the side of his cheek.

It was _frustration_ , because no actual date had ever made him feel like this. 

Because _this_ was no longer supposed to be a thing.

“We're gonna make a break for it right...” Tetsurou murmured into his ear, trailing off in anticipation. Kei desperately latched onto his words in order to stop his... everything else from _feeling_. “Now!”

Tetsurou let him go, pushing him in the opposite direction than the one he took off in. Kei wasted no time to run, putting both distance and cars between himself and the armed couple. He heard their protests loud and clear.

“Tetsurou! I trusted you!” Koutarou yelled.

“Cheaters!” Keiji shouted.

Kei laughed, weaving in and out of cars with the loud sound of bangs filling the air until the box was empty and their lungs were screaming.

“Truce! We're all out of ammo!” Koutarou called.

“I'm detecting a lie!” Tetsurou yelled from where he was crouched next to a car.

“It's true! And if we don't leave soon, we'll miss the start of the firework show!” Keiji said.

“Hey!” A new voice rang out, angry. Kei peeked out from behind a car to see the owner of the store at the front door, scowling at them. “Take your fireworks and move on! You're scaring some of my customers!”

“Sorry, sir!” Tetsurou said immediately, coming out of his hiding place. 

“Yeah, we're sorry, we'll leave now,” Keiji added. They all met up back at Tetsurou's car and climbed in. There was a moment of silence before they all looked at each other and laughed. 

“And HERE,” Koutarou exclaimed, producing a single bang snap out of nowhere and slamming it into Tetsurou's arm. Tetsurou yelped and Kei hid his face in his hands as his shoulders trembled.

It was a good half hour drive from the market to the river. The car was filled with conversation and Tetsurou's God-awful choice in music. Kei was fairly certain that Tetsurou didn't even like the songs that were playing. He just wanted to torture them all, because that seemed like a very Tetsurou thing to do.

The riverbank itself was packed with cars. People and families carrying coolers and barbecuing on grills stretched as far as the eye could see. Kei didn't mention it, but he was grateful when Tetsurou kept driving, past the crowds and along a small forest. When they parked, Tetsurou explained they'd have a short trek through some woods and wouldn't have the flattest ground to sit on, but they'd be able to see the fireworks just as well as the others along the edge of the river. Kei found it a small price to pay for a more quiet, peaceful area.

As quiet and peaceful as Tetsurou and Koutarou were, anyway.

“Will you stop glaring daggers at me?” Kei sighed, narrowing his eyes at Koutarou as they made the short trek through the woods.

“No. Because I know you're hiding more bang snaps,” Koutarou accused. They were both carrying a bag of the fireworks Keiji and he had bought, while Keiji and Tetsurou carried the cooler a couple steps behind them. It was growing dark fast. Koutarou had a flashlight in his hand, but obviously didn't think they needed it yet, for it stayed off. Kei briefly worried about stepping on a snake or the like, but hoped all the commotion that could still be heard from the crowds would have drawn any type of animal or reptile away.

The humidity was quickly trying to consume him. Kei couldn't remember it being this bad when they were running around in the market parking lot, but then again, they weren't close to water there, either.

“We only bought one box. Even Keiji said so,” Kei placated. 

“Keiji _thinks_ you guys only bought one box!” Koutarou stressed. Kei cast Keiji a withering look over his shoulder, but it didn't look like the other was listening to their conversation. He was a few paces back with Tetsurou, busy with their own conversation. It was almost a strange sense of deja vu, seeing them walking and talking together, smacking Kei with emotions that were so far in the past but so engraved in his very being. They intensified when Tetsurou sent a sheepish smile Keiji's way, and Kei looked forward again, ripping his gaze away. He unclipped the small fan his mother had given him and turned it on, hearing the whiz of the blades as air hit his face. Koutarou looked over at the sound. “Aw, man, no fair. I want one of those!”

They stopped at the rocky edge of the lake, the water still and an inky blue-black in the dimness of the sky.

“One of what?” Keiji asked as he and Tetsurou found the flattest place possible to sit the cooler down.

“This fan,” Kei answered, lifting it up to show it off before fanning his face again. He set the bag of fireworks in his hand a safe distance away from the water. Keiji came up close, shoving his face next to Kei's in an effort to feel the fan's air. Kei frowned. “You know, you all close to me is just making the heat worse.”

Kei really should have expected Tetsurou and Koutarou to join in, shoving their way close to him to get closer to the fan. Kei wriggled out of the group of bodies and distanced himself, glaring at their amusement.

“I need a drink at the very least,” Koutarou commented, heading for the cooler. “What does everyone want?”

“Root Beer,” Kei said.

“Actual beer,” Keiji followed.

“Sparklers!” Tetsurou exclaimed, rummaging in one of the bags of fireworks.

“Please don't set the forest on fire,” Keiji drawled.

“Sounds pretty festive to me,” Tetsurou laughed.

“We should have brought chairs,” Koutarou said as he handed Keiji and Kei their drinks. Kei popped the tab, appreciating the coldness of the can, still wet from the ice in the cooler. He silently watched Tetsurou fish a lighter from his pocket and light the end of a sparkler. It came to life in bright white sparks of light that danced on Tetsurou's grinning face. Tetsurou's gaze caught his for a moment, before snapping over to Koutarou and Keiji. When he noticed the two of them weren't paying attention, Tetsurou's gaze went back to Kei, and then the raven was quickly running the sparkler through the air. Kei's eyes narrowed at the streaks of light, making out an S H H.

Shh?

Tetsurou then dug in his pockets, lifting a corner of an all-too-familiar box of snap bangs out of his pocket. Kei choked on his soda and lifted a fist to his mouth, turning away to laugh silently. It looked like Koutarou had been accusing the wrong person!

“Oh, whoa, unfair,” Tetsurou said. Kei noticed Koutarou and Keiji had taken a seat on top of the cooler. Keiji stuck his tongue out.

“First come, first serve,” Koutarou declared, raising his bottle of beer in the air. Keiji clinked his own with it.

“It's my cooler!” Tetsurou exclaimed.

“Ours now,” Keiji said smugly.

“AH!” Koutarou suddenly yelled. “My chips! I left my chips in the car!”

Keiji's smug face fell.

“Do you have to have them now?” Keiji asked, side-eyeing Tetsurou, knowing Koutarou's seat on the cooler would be taken as soon as the man stood up.

“If not now, then later, and they'll take the seat anyway!” Koutarou replied. Keiji straightened himself. 

“I think I can hold them off,” Keiji claimed. Tetsurou walked closer, his look predatory as his sparkler neared the end of its life.

“Do you really?” Tetsurou asked. Keiji lifted his leg and placed the bottom of his shoe on Tetsurou's thigh, to stop him from coming closer.

“I know where you sleep,” Keiji threatened.

“What a coincidence. I know where you sleep too,” Tetsurou rebutted.

“When did this become a suspense thriller?” Kei asked, to which Koutarou laughed and tugged on Keiji's sleeve.

“Come on, Keiji, it's okay. We'll find a way to get the seats back,” Koutarou said. Keiji and Tetsurou had a stand-off for a few more seconds before Keiji removed his foot and stood.

“Fine,” Keiji gave in, following Koutarou back to the path through the woods. Tetsurou quickly took a seat on the cooler, had a second thought, sat up and grabbed a drink from inside before sitting on it again. He flashed Kei a grin and patted the surface next to him. Kei rolled his eyes and walked over to take a seat. When Tetsurou leaned a little closer, Kei turned the fan more his way, deciding not to complain about the closeness despite the temperature.

“He's so stubborn,” Tetsurou chuckled, taking a drink of his green tea. His spent sparkler lay at his feet and the sounds of the crowd were so faint that Kei was immediately aware of their isolation. He felt compelled to ask the question that'd been stuck in the back of his mind for a while now, even though it'd save him some awkwardness to do so over the phone rather than face-to-face. However, the moments he had with Tetsurou physically next to him were few, and they tended to bring out even the toughest questions. Tetsurou had a way about him, or maybe he just had a way with Kei.

“He is. ... does being with him still hurt?” Kei asked. He didn't want to beat around the bush with the question. He knew Tetsurou would know exactly what he was asking. 

Tetsurou took another drink, not looking the least bit surprised by the question, as if he'd been expecting it.

“... I won't say I don't think about the what-ifs every now and then, but... look at them,” Tetsurou sighed. It wasn't a defeated sigh, more like a fond acceptance. Kei found himself hanging on the words. “They're great together. If I had to sum up my feelings, I'd say I'm satisfied with the way things turned out.”

There was a soft look about him as he gazed into the distance, into the dark forest where Keiji and Koutarou had disappeared. He looked... wise, in that moment. Peaceful. Kei didn't doubt the sincerity of his words even for a second, and that knowledge gave Kei a feeling of calmness. But then those dark brown eyes flickered his way, the expression on the raven's face growing unsure, and Kei hastily looked down at his Root Beer can. His heartbeat quickened, realizing the topic left an opening that Kei was scared to face. He thumbed the tab, feeling the metal slide across his fingernail and then dig into his skin as he pushed it sideways, desperate for something to fidget with. The silence was suddenly suffocating, leaving Kei's every nerve on edge as he waited for the inevitable. “... Keiji told me you were dating?” 

The words were slow, but prompting, and not necessarily what Kei was expecting. His fingers pushed at the tab until it snapped off with a gentle clatter. He'd been wary of talking about his dates to Tetsurou, but he never imagined Keiji would bring it up to him instead. Kei was suddenly burning with curiosity as to how that particular topic had come up in conversation between the two.

“Yeah. Nothing serious, though,” Kei replied. He didn't want to keep staring down at his can, but he didn't want to look up at Tetsurou either. He settled for flicking the tab off the top of his can, sending it flying toward the grass below, and taking a long swallow of his soda. The carbonation burned at his throat.

“Mm. Same,” Tetsurou answered. “Keiji says not many people are able to put up with me.”

Kei smiled at the jab. 

“Not surprising,” Kei goaded. He lifted his gaze, seeing Tetsurou looking over at him. The only light source was the moon above, shading Kuroo's skin blue. Kei thought he could be purple polka-dotted and somehow still managed to look incredibly handsome. 

It was so unfair. 

Kei craved the moment when he would be able to look at Tetsurou's face without feeling like he could experience a heart attack. That moment was supposed to be now. It was supposed to be months ago. It was supposed to be years ago. But it never was.

He could deny it all he wanted to, hate it all he wanted to, but the reality was he was still very much in love with Tetsurou Kuroo.

So caught up in beating himself up with his own thoughts, he almost missed how Tetsurou's movements were stunted, hesitant. While he'd grown more accustomed to this nervous kind of Tetsurou since Kei had admitted his feelings, it was still strange enough to catch his attention every time.

“I... don't know if asking this makes me an insane jerk, and if it does, just... punch me, or whatever, but,” Tetsurou began, thumb tapping impatiently on the bottle in his hands. Kei highly doubted whatever Tetsurou would say would warrant a punch, but listened anyway. “Do you still have feelings for me?”

Forget punching Tetsurou, Kei felt punched himself. Embarrassment licked at the back of his neck, traveling up his jaw and across his cheeks. He felt his muscles tense in defense, knowing what the answer should be and what the answer truly was. But more than that...

“Why?” Kei asked, eyebrows furrowing. They'd been dancing around the subject for months. Tetsurou rejected him, flat out. Why did it matter?

Tetsurou's gaze flickered to the ground, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. Kei followed the movement, desperately trying to find his angle. Tetsurou wouldn't ask such a thing out of curiosity or spite. He wasn't that kind of person, especially to Kei.

So why?

“Can... can you just answer? Please? Before I look stupid?” Tetsurou asked, pleadingly. Kei stared at him, as if the answers would come. They didn't. But Kei refused to answer, didn't even know if he could bring himself to answer in the current circumstances. Tetsurou looked like he was about to combust from Kei's staring. Maybe it was a little mean, but Kei got a certain satisfaction from watching Tetsurou squirm. The raven had certainly made Kei squirm enough to last a lifetime. “Fine, I get it. I'm asking because I can't get your confession out of my mind. And I honestly wanted to deck Tadashi last night for hitting on you.”

Kei continued to stare, even as his insides screamed. Of course Tetsurou had a hard time getting Kei's confession out of his head. Someone he grew up with, who he considered a brother, had dropped the 'I love you' bomb on him. Of course Tetsurou had wanted to deck Tadashi last night, because he wasn't doing his job. But that's not what Tetsurou was making it sound like. Tetsurou was making it sound like-

“BARBEQUE CHIPS SAVE THE DAY!” Koutarou yelled, loud and sudden. Kei startled, whipping his head over to the trail. Koutarou stood there, holding the chip bag up as if it were Simba in the Lion King, with Keiji standing at his side.

“Jesus,” Tetsurou mumbled, just as startled. Keiji must have caught on to how taken aback they were, because he tossed a raised eyebrow their way. Koutarou remained oblivious, ripping open his bag of chips with enthusiasm. “... the fireworks should be starting soon. I challenge you to a sparkler fight, Koutarou.”

“You're on!” Koutarou exclaimed. Kei followed Tetsurou's movements, as he left his side and shuffled toward the bag of fireworks. His heart was pounding in his chest as Keiji slid into his vacated seat.

“Are you okay?” Keiji asked.

“... no,” Kei admitted. He turned toward Keiji. “When did you and Tetsurou discuss who I was dating?”

Keiji looked surprised, but then that look melted into a smirk that sent alarms blaring at the back of Kei's head.

“Oh? He brought that up?” Keiji asked.

“Keiji,” Kei said with a sharp edge. Keiji grew more somber, letting out a sigh.

“Your confession did a number on him. He admitted to me, twice, after dates that he kept thinking about you,” Keiji said. Kei was glad he was sitting on the cooler, because his legs felt rather wobbly. “He cares about you a lot, Kei, you know that.”

“He cares about me like family,” Kei muttered, watching Tetsurou and Koutarou light up sparklers.

“Yeah. And maybe a little more than that,” Keiji offered. Kei dented his can.

“I'm scared. He was supposed to be with you,” Kei whispered, the words tumbling out of his deepest fears.

“He's scared too,” Keiji countered. He then held up the ring on his finger. “And I love him, but I'm kind of taken.”

Kei's eyes snapped to Keiji's, taking in the casual posture and the knowing eyes.

It was then that Kei knew, Keiji knew. For how long, Kei didn't know, but Keiji was aware Tetsurou had once held feelings for him.

It was honestly too much. Kei couldn't do anything but laugh.

Loud booms suddenly crackled through the air, brightly colored lights shooting across the night sky. Kei looked up at them in awe, butterflies fluttering in his chest. He was used to feelings of dejection, anxiety, confusion, _yearning_ , and yet, in that moment, there was something growing that was new and frightening and exhilarating all at once.

Hope.

He'd never dared, yet here he was.

It wasn't subtle at all, the way Keiji stood and dragged Tetsurou to the cooler. Tetsurou was protesting the whole time, complaining when Keiji shoved his ass down on the cooler and walked over to join Koutarou standing by the lake, their hands lacing together. His complaints faded, and Kei tapped a finger against the surface of the cooler in the inches between them, his gut churning so much he almost felt dizzy.

“... I still love you,” Kei admitted, low. So low that Kei was sure if they were any closer to the fireworks, the loud booms would have drowned out his voice. But quiet as the words were, they were strong and sure, as his feelings for Tetsurou had always been.

A green firework burst in the sky, followed by a white one, a purple one... 

A finger, warm and soft, settled atop of his own pinky, on the cooler between them.

Before they left that night, they all carved their initials into a tree.

'Advice: Always exact revenge with bang snaps. TK KT KA KB'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooooooooooh my gosh. It's over. A big thanks to everyone who commented and kudoed this story. You all are fantastic!


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